


A Beautiful Melody and SICRhymes

by JacOfAllTrades (JTHarper)



Series: YouTubers AU [1]
Category: Jacksepticeye Fandom, Markiplier fandom - Fandom, SICRhymes fandom, Youtubers RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Disassociation, F/M, Gen, Gender Neutral, Other, PTSD, Past Abuse, Past Violence, panic disorder, sam has a lot of issues, they are trying to get over them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-05 01:06:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 77,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JTHarper/pseuds/JacOfAllTrades
Summary: Sam Clarcson had just been thrown into a world completely different than the one they had been in before. No more abuse, no more hate, and suddenly they have a twin? Not just any twin... JackSepticEye!? Their 26 years hadn't prepared them for this...





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenGeekRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenGeekRose/gifts), [Fantismal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantismal/gifts), [feistymuffin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feistymuffin/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is where it all begins...

An Introduction

***

Sam swallowed the lump in their throat as they looked around after getting off of the bus. The area was like any other small town, but Sam was completely lost. 

“Okay…” they said to themself, looking at the small slip of paper in their left hand. “Once I get to the road the building shouldn't been that hard to find… I can do this…” they took a deep breath and headed off towards the town square to hopefully get their bearings. At 26, Sam had lived a very difficult life, and a lot had happened that had caused them to be the way they were, but despite the hardships, they were determined. Standing at five foot nine, with shortish light brown hair and blue eyes, Sam had an average build, if not on the skinny side. They were pale, with a very slight dusting of freckles across their cheeks, and had some black framed glasses sitting atop their nose. Sam's clothes consisted of some light blue skinny jeans, a black tee shirt, a black and grey overly large hoodie, and some broken in sneakers. “Should be around here somewhere…” they mumbled to themself as they walked. Just this morning, Sam had landed in Dublin Ireland and taken a cab down to Athelone… where their brother Seán lived. Sam had only just found out about their brother… who was in fact, their twin. It had been a long, drawn out situation, that had included a kidnapping, lies, verbal, mental and physical abuse, self esteem issues, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and a whole plethora of other uncomfortable situations. Sam shook their head, focusing on the street names instead of their past. Unfortunately, they should have been paying better attention. Before Sam knew what was happening, they were being dragged into a side alley and shoved, face first, against a wall. There was a knife pressed against their back and Sam froze. 

“Alright… gimme yer wallet an phone and ya don't hav’ta get hurt, got it?” The gruff voice coming from the man behind Sam made them shake. 

“I don't… I don't have a phone… I'm sorry… I don't... I don't have any money… please… just…” Sam had tears running down their face as they felt the knife dig deeper against their back. They heard the man give a scoff, and then there was pain. Sam shouted out as the white hot burn of the stab was felt along their back as they crumpled to the ground. Sam could feel the man move them about to take out their wallet, they really did only have a few small bills, and the man took them before tossing the wallet to the ground next to Sam's head. They laid there, in pain and bleeding for what felt like forever, but that was probably just the blood loss talking. A new voice came to them before long. 

“Oh god, are ye okay? I saw that guy drag you in here… oh… oh no yer bleeding… hold on, I'm gunna call an ambulance, okay? Just stay awake… can ya tell me yer name?” Sam tried to look at the new voice, it sounded familiar. As Sam's eyes started to close they saw pale skin, bright blue eyes, a finely trimmed brown beard, and a shock of bright green hair. Kneeling down next to them, putting pressure on their stab wound with one hand and calling an ambulance with the other was none other than JackSepticEye… Jack… Seán… Seán William McLoughlin… Sam's older twin brother. And then there was black.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... that didn't go as planned...

Chapter 1

***

When Sam woke up it was dark out, which was odd because it had been pretty early in the morning when they had landed in Ireland, and they were lying on their back in a hospital room. Sam's eyes shifted left and right, noticing the IV sticking out of their left arm as well as the pulseoximeter on their index finger. As Sam's eyes shifted to the right they saw Seán sitting there on his phone, looking down towards his lap. There was a sudden beeping as Sam’s heart rate increased as Seán looked up and noticed Sam was awake. 

“Hey there… yer okay now… calm down.” Seán put his phone back in his pocket and reached out to place his hand on top of Sam's. Sam looked down at Seán’s hand on top of theirs and then back up to Seán. 

“Did I die?” Sam's voice was hoarse and low, confusing Sam more, their brows drawing together. “How long was I out?” Seán gave a small chuckle at that, along with a sad smile. 

“Yer not dead… and ya have been out for about eight hours. When they brought ya in they tried ta correct the issue with the stab in yer back… ya were in surgery fer a long time… I'm glad ya made it out of there okay, doctors said ya were touch and go for a bit…” Seán really looked concerned. “Now let me hit the call nurse button and ya can tell me why ya look so familiar ta me.” He reached over and pressed the call button, knowing a nurse would show up pretty soon to come check on Sam. 

“I… my name is Sam… Sam Clarcson… I uhm… I met you at PAX east this last year… I kinda had a panic attack when meeting you and you came out and hugged me… and I gave you a painting that took me about two months to do of you and Speticeye Sam… and a letter…” Seán nodded while listening to Sam talk. 

“That's why, I remember you now. I still have that painting, it's hanging up in my recording room, I really liked it… now what are ya doing all the way out here in Ireland?” He gave Sam's hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance as they started to fidget and look away from Seán. Sam slowly looked back to Seán, swallowing the lump in their throat. 

“Does the name… Sobihan Marie mean anything to you?” Sam could see the blood literally drain from Seán’s face as he looked at Sam with shock and confusion. 

“Yeah… it does… how do you know that name?” Sam took a deep breath before gathering the courage to look Seán directly in they eyes. 

“That… is my birth name… I was born 7th February, 1990, Siobhan Marie McLoughlin… hi…” Sam looked nervously up at Seán and waited for him to process everything, but he didn't get the chance to reply as the nurse came in. 

“Oh good, you're finally awake. Ya had us scared there for a moment laddie.” The nurse came over and checked the fluid bags attached to Sam's arm as well as their temperature and blood pressure. “Now, is there anything ya need to be letting the doctor know? Any allergies?” Sam just nodded some. 

“I'm allergic to sulfa products. And… I want a blood test…” the nurse blinked in confusions. 

“What kind of blood test? We don't just give those out ya know…” Sam nodded and looked back over to Seán. 

“I want a blood test to prove that he and I are related… a familial blood test.” The nurse looked between them and nodded a bit. 

“Okay, though I don't see why, ya two look just like each other… ya must be twins.” The nurse then walked out of the room to order the test and hand the information over to the doctor. Sam looked away from Seán for a moment and went to sit up, when they froze. 

“I… I can't feel my legs from the thigh down…” they sounded panicked and in fact started to shake. That seemed to knock Seán out of whatever trance he was in as he squeezed Sam’s hand. 

“Ya got stabbed in the back remember… doctor said there was some temporary damage to yer spinal chord that they can fix in a couple of months…” he paused, biting his lip and looking Sam over. “Are… there's no way you can be my twin… she died… ma told me so… that's what the hospital told her…” Sam looked over to Seán, swallowing their panic. 

“I was stolen by the nurse watching me and forced to be raised as her kid, along with two other kids, one older and one younger. She used the same lie, complications, SIDS, no sorry the body can't be released, and just like that I was taken and changed from McLoughlin to O’Hurley… that's why I insisted on the blood test, so you can know for sure I'm not lying to you…” Sam had looked down at their legs as they spoke, their free hand clenched in the sheets. To be honest, they were scared. What if it had all been a lie? What if Sam had been lied to again? They had literally spent all their money just to get the passport and get across the ocean, they didn't have anything left… Sam could feel their heart starting to pound more in their chest, the sudden rapid beating of the heart monitor followed. 

“Hey hey… calm down… deep breaths, no need to panic…” Seán squeezed Sam's hand again, which had started to shake at the beginning of the panic attack. “I gotcha… just deep breaths…” Sam tried to comply, taking deep, shaky breaths. After a bit their breathing calmed down and they looked up at Seán in thanks. They gave Seán a weak smile as the doctor came into the room, followed by a nurse with a cart. The cart had everything on it that they would need to do the blood samples and some medication as well. 

“Looks like someone's finally awake… now, according to yer ID, yer name is Sam Clarcson, correct?” The doctor asked, looking over his charts. Sam nodded in agreement. “Good… now, Mr Clarcson…” here Seán gave the doctor a weird look, but kept his mouth shut for now… “you suffered from several abrasions on yer hands and forearms, a small laceration along yer forehead, and a knife wound to the lower back, do ya remember this?” Sam just nodded again, looking up at the doctor through worried eyes. “Well,” he continued. “When you were brought in by Mr McLoughlin here, you were suffering from blood loss and had ta have emergency surgery. There is a small tear in yer spinal chord that can be fixed, but the specialist who can do it lives in Dublin, and she's outta tha country fer a while. The issue shouldn't make itself worse, so you'll have to wait fer her ta get back in order to have the surgery. Do ya have anyone ya can stay with while yer healing up?” The doctor looked expectantly at Sam, who looked down to their lap. 

“I… have to figure that out… I.. just give me some time to think okay?” Sam was trying not to shake again, because they knew Seán was still holding their hand. The doctor just nodded. 

“That's fine, take yer time. Ya need ta be kept overnight fer observation anyway, Mr McLoughlin can even stay with ya if ya’d like.” Sam just looked to Seán before looking away. 

“I think we wanna get that blood test out of the way… how long will it take to finish?” The nurse answered, moving over to the two with her cart. 

“Oh maybe an hour at the most, not many tests being run right now… now, if I can just get both of yer arms? It'll not take a moment.” Sam and Seán both held out their arms and the nurse quickly drew and labeled the vials of blood before giving them both a plaster and taking the vials off to be tested. The doctor looked through Sam's chart a few more moments before looking back up at Sam. 

“Any questions fer me laddie?” Sam shook their head no, but Seán spoke up. 

“Ya keep saying Mr Clarcson and laddie… why?” Sam blinked and looked over at Seán for a moment before looking back to the doctor. 

“Probably because my ID has my gender listed as male? But only because there's no option for a non-binary… I'm gender neutral, but when having to be forced to chose a gender, I have a less dysphoric reaction to male pronouns, despite being biologically female…” Sam spoke before the doctor could, and he gave the two a small smile. 

“You two talk, I'll be back with the lab results in about an hour.” And he walked out of the room. Sam and Seán sat in silence for a little bit before Sam looked over at the green haired youtuber. 

“I'm sorry… for all of this… I had only intended to just find you and tell you and then be on my way… I never meant to get you messed up in my shit life…” Sam looked down again, moving to pull their hand out of Seán’s, but he held fast. 

“Now hold on a second… if yer tellin the truth and are my twin, which no one really knows about, than I don't wanna just cast ya aside… I kinda always wondered what it would be like ta be a big brother… Mally and Simon were always so cool when I was grownin up and I always wanted ta be like that too, ya know?” Sam just nodded, giving small worried glances up at Seán through their fringe. “Now, obviously you know some stuff about me, since I know yer a fan, so tell me about you… it'll help pass the time.” Sam swallowed the nerves they could feel bubbling up inside and nodded. 

“Okay… uhm, I lived in Ireland until I was about four, so I don't remember much. The woman who raised me was named Helen, and her husband Carll was an American that worked for the Federal Aviation Association. There was an older boy, by about a year, CJ, and a younger one, by just over four years, Matty, who were both taken too. Carll didn't know about it because he was always traveling and Helen said she was using artificial insemination, despite the fact she couldn't actually get pregnant. Carll never knew… we grew up mostly in New Jersey, back in the US, and didn't know any different… it was… not the best childhood… but I'm sure it wasn't the worst either…” Sam paused, not really wanting to go into detail about everything. “Uhm, I didn't really have any friends growing up, but I did make one when I went to college. His name is Spencer and he was actually the one who introduced me to YouTube gamers, like you and Markiplier and PewDiePie… he was actually the one who brought me up to PAX east to meet you and Mark since you two are really my idols… uhm, I have a bachelors in education with a minor in literature, though I had a lot of people in my classes tell me I should have gone into acting, but I just… wasn't allowed… but I do like writing too and do so in my free time. Uhm… I think that's it…” Sam looked nervously up at Seán, who had been watching Sam the whole time. Seán gave Sam an encouraging smile and gave their hand a squeeze. 

“I think I remember ya mentioning something about yer friend in that letter of yours… I'm sure I still have it at home somewhere…” Sam gave a small smile and squeezed Seán’s hand back, fingers still trembling. The two ended up talking about nothing in particular until the doctor came back with he blood tests. 

“Well you two look thick as thieves now, better?” Sam gave a small smile and Seán nodded. 

“So what's the results doc?” Seán asked, looking curious and slightly hopeful. Over the last hour he had gotten to know Sam and really liked them. They had explained their name change at 18 and the whole gender neutral thing as things that had happened and how and why and the more Seán looked, the more he could see familial similarities between them. 

“Congratulations, yer siblings. Ya have such similar DNA I wouldn't be surprised if ya were twins.” Sam felt their heart speed up, causing the monitor attached to their hand to go off. It was true… JackSepticEye was their twin… they had a twin… 

“Hey Sam, it's okay, calm down…” Seán’s voice brought Sam back from the start of panic. They shook as they looked to Seán, taking deep lungfuls of air to try and start breathing properly again. The doctor moved closer to the twins and looked again at Sam's chart. 

“Now, about someone ta stay with…”

“Me, Sam is staying with me…” Seán didn't even let the doctor finish. “And I'm paying fer the surgery too, and the hospital stay.” Sam looked over to Seán with shock written all over their face. Sam had mentioned the lack of funds they had and lack of savings as well, not to mention the mugging and all their things were at a crappy motel right now. 

“Seán you don't have to do this…” Sam started, looking concerned. Seán just rolled his eyes. 

“I have more money than I know what ta do with… besides, I don't thing Signe will mind a guest fer a little while, especially not my twin! And ma and pa gotta know! We can Skype them soon and tell them tha good news!” He was smiling now, squeezing Sam's hand tightly. Sam blinked and winced. 

“About Singe… that's sorta how I found you… your address is blocked to public and most private domain, but hers isn't… or at least it wasn't… it is now, Spencer helped me with that, but just so you know, that's how I got your address…” Seán blinked a few times and frowned. 

“Well that's not good… but ya said it's taken care of now…” he gave a shrug. “We haven't had anyone try and find us that way before so I think we're ok.” Sam just shook their head and smiled. They turned to the doctor and sighed. 

“Apparently my big brother is going to watch me as well as pay my bills, is that okay doc?” Sam couldn't stop smiling… Seán was proven 100% to be their twin… god how could this be possible? The doctor laughed but nodded and went over the bills that would need to be covered up front as well as what could go on a payment plan. 

“Alright, now, fer yer post care. We wanna keep ya tonight fer observation but ya can get outta here by seven tomorrow morning. Obviously you'll need a wheelchair and the pharmacy downstairs can take care of that, and I'll prescribe ya some pain pills if ya need them. Are there any questions? I'm probably not gunna see ya in tha morning, but you'll get a copy of my card to make an appointment with in about two weeks.”

“I don't think so… oh, uhm…” Sam frowned some. “Will… will the medication mess with the ones I'm already taking?” Seán looked surprised to hear Sam was taking some medication. 

“Depends on what yer taking laddie.” The doctor flipped a page in the notes to jot down the medication. Sam listed off a handful of prescription names and the doctors eyes went wide, eyebrows raising towards their hairline. 

“No, it shouldn't mess with any ah those… but when was yer last psych evaluation?” Seán looked alarmed as the doctor asked this, quickly sliding his eyes over to Sam, who was looking down and away from both men in the room. 

“Ah… about three months ago, so I should be good for another eight…” Seán looked even more alarmed with Sam's answer. 

“Okay… what am I missing here?” He looked between the doctor and his twin before settling on Sam. 

“Those… are my antidepressants, my anti anxiety, and my anti panic disorder pills… to help combat my PTSD, clinical depression, GAD and GPD…” Sam refused to look at Seán as they said this, their bangs covering their eyes. 

“Hey, it's okay…” Seán mumbled, leaning in and squeezing Sam's hand. He reached over and brushed his hand through Sam's bangs, showing their eyes again, which were now filled with tears. “No crying, it's okay, big bro is here…” Sam looked over to Seán, the tears falling down their cheeks at hearing Seán refer to himself as their big brother, but they smiled. 

“Thanks… ‘m okay…” Sam mumbled, suddenly looking very tired. The doctor smiled at the two before closing the file. 

“You two get some rest, I'm sure ya have both had long days. Oh, and Mr Clarcson, we have yer personal items, the police needed ta look through them ta try and lift some prints from the man who stabbed ya.” He grabbed a basin from the cart they had brought in and handed it over to Seán. Inside was Sam's glasses, wallet, chapstick, and a sliver of paper with Seán’s address on it. Sam thanked the doctor before grabbing their glasses, putting them on after scrubbing their eyes clean. 

“Thanks doc, night.” The doctor waved goodbye to them before heading out of the room. Seán shifted through everything, putting the basin to the side after putting Sam's things on the bedside table. 

“Okay… ya gotta tell me where yer motel is so I can go get yer stuff, that way ya don't have ta worry about it, and I haven't been home all day, so I'm gunna go crash, but I'll be back bright and early in tha morning, okay?” Sam just nodded, too tired to argue or worry. They jotted down the address to the motel and gave it to Seán before taking their glasses off and going to sleep almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter one! I'll be posting every week on fridays (bar issues) so look forward to that! I have about 20 chapters set up already and am working on more as we speak. Please be patient with me. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated! Remember, a smile a day keeps the demons away. 
> 
> JOAT


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's time in the hospital is done, and Seán learns some stuff.

Chapter 2 

***

Sam woke in the morning to Seán coming in the room with McDonald's breakfast and a backpack slung over his shoulder. They used the buttons on the bed to help them sit up and put their glasses on. 

“God, what time is it?” Sam yawned and rubbed their eyes. 

“Six thirty, thought I would get ya something quick and simple ta eat plus some clothes from yer suitcase. They had ta shred yer top ta get ta the stab wound, but they left yer jeans, and yer sneakers are here too.” Sam grabbed the backpack to see what Seán had brought, spotting a few different shirts, their blue and red hoodie, and some underwear as well. 

“Thanks… food first, clothes after… I haven't eaten in a while…” and Seán could tell Sam was telling the truth as they tore through two sausage egg and cheese biscuits, two hash browns and a large OJ.

“Damn, when was the last time ye ate?” Seán asked, looking at Sam in almost disbelief. 

“Uhh…” Sam had to look up and think about it. “It's Sunday today… so… Friday? Sometime in the morning before I packed up for my flight that night?” Sam gave a shrug and looked down to their lap, playing with the hospital bracelet on their wrist. Seán frowned and reached over, having taken his seat from yesterday again, he grabbed Sam's hand and stilled it from the nervous habit. 

“Hey, we’re gunna get ya healthy again and on a real food schedule okay? Ha, maybe having ya around will remind me ta eat too… Singe and I can be pretty forgetful sometimes when it comes ta things like that.” He gave Sam a small smile, which they returned. After the food was cleared away, Sam dug through the bag of clothes to pick something out. Grabbing a clean pair of underwear, some socks, their jeans from the other day, and a teeshirt, they laid it all out in their lap and then gave a sigh. 

“Seán can you give me the room for a minute?” Seán looked confused until Sam help up their underwear, causing Seán to blush. 

“Ah… right… I'll be outside if ya need me…” Sam rolled their eyes. 

“Just let me change these and then I don't care… just thought it might be less awkward for the both of us that way… this is basically what I wear when swimming anyway…” Seán blinked in confusion, eyebrows drawn together. 

“But what about yer… uh…” he gestured towards his chest before pointing at Sam. Sam looked confused for a moment before realization spread across their face. 

“Oh… I don't have any… here hold on…” Sam pulled the gown they were wearing down off their shoulders, exposing a perfectly flat chest, pretty much like a mans, but there were some horizontal scars running across the underside of Sam's ribcage. Seán tilted his head in confusion. 

“Did ya have surgery?” He reached out with a hesitant hand towards Sam's chest, but stopped short. Sam laughed and smiled some. 

“You can feel the scars, it's fine. Yeah, I had it when I was 16, I was having some medical issues and it was just safer and easier to have them removed, not to mention the added bonus of my gender neutrality and the androgyny. Hard to believe it's been ten years already since then. So off they went, I got called ‘he’ a lot more after that, and teased a lot in school, but it was better when I went to college and no one knew me. And then I met Spencer and he was probably one of the first people who really understood the whole gender neutral thing.” Seán was nodding as he listened to Sam talk, reaching over to gently touch one of the scars along the outside of Sam's ribs with barley his fingertips.

“Did it hurt? Does it?” He looked like a super curious five year old and Sam couldn't help but to laugh a bit. 

“It doesn't hurt anymore, like any scar. They were pretty tender and sore for a few weeks after the surgery though, and I had to wear chest bindings for two months until the swelling died down, but then after that it was like I was one of the guys, which honestly suited me much better than one of the girls…” Sam pulled their tee shirt on after Seán had moved his hand back, reaching up to flatten their hair. “Okay… now for the hard part… give me a minute?” Sam held up the underwear again, a pair of boxer briefs, like all the rest Sam owned. Seán nodded and headed out of the room, only coming back in when Sam said it was okay to. Seán helped Sam get into their jeans and sock, grabbing their sneakers and doing them up as well. While helping Sam change, Seán noticed the old, faded scars all along their body, but he noticed the ones running in crisscross patterns across Sam's thighs the most. He decided not to say anything about it, he knew Sam would share when they felt they were ready. Sam sat on the edge of the bed afterwards, legs dangling over the side and hands braced next to them. 

“Does it feel weird? The not feeling yer legs things?” Seán had moved to sit next to Sam on the bed, kicking his legs back and forth subconsciously. 

“Yeah… like I know they're there… but I can't feel them from about here down.” And Sam poked themself in the leg at about mid thigh. “It's a weird feeling… like I'm trying to move my legs but they just won't…” Sam frowned, knowing they would have to be like this for at least two months. “God I'm so fucking useless…” the words slipped past Sam's lips louder than they thought, enough for Seán to hear. 

“No you are not.” And suddenly an arm was around Sam's shoulders. “You've had some bad shite happen to ya but you are not useless, and I don't wanna hear ya talk that way about yerself anymore, hear me?” Sam dropped their head, shoulders raised towards their ears as they looked to their lap. 

“I can try…” they mumbled back. Seán nodded and gave Sam a quick squeeze. Just then the nurse came in with Sam's discharge papers and a wheelchair. Everything was explained quickly and Sam blushed hotly when Seán effortlessly picked them up and put them in the wheelchair. Sam signed all the paperwork, keeping their copy in the backpack Seán had brought with him that had ended up in Sam's lap, and moved to start wheeling themself out of the room. 

“Hey, I can get it…” Seán said, moving to push Sam towards the exit. Sam just sighed and let Seán push. 

“You know I'll have to wheel myself around eventually… and it's not like I haven't done it before. But we need to head to the pharmacy first for my meds and the wheelchair I can take back with us…” Sam frowned as they looked down to their lap again, hands fidgeting with each other. “I swear Seán I'll pay you back for all this stuff once I can get a job.” Seán just huffed. 

“Ya don't have ta pay me fer anything, I wanna help.” Sam frowned more. 

“I feel like I'm taking advantage of you… you shouldn't have to deal with all of this… I mean… you only found out less than 24 hours ago you still had a twin…” Sam couldn't stop the smile from coming to their face… they had a twin. JackSepticEye is their twin. Seán patted Sam on the shoulder briefly before finally making it to the pharmacy. 

“Trust me, yer not taking advantage of me… now tell me what has you smiling like that? It's nice to see ya smile.” He handed the prescription pads over to the nurse behind the counter and a the medications for Sam as well as a wheelchair that they could keep were brought out. Sam blushed hotly again when Seán transferred them over to the new chair, which was arguably more comfortable than the other one, and got situated. 

“I was just… ya know… I'm still kinda in disbelief that you're my brother… my twin of all things. You grew up knowing you had a twin, I didn't. Let alone it would be someone like you…” Seán raised an eyebrow, leaning over to look Sam in the face. 

“What's that mean? Someone like me?” Sam looked up at Seán for a moment before looking back to their lap. 

“One of my heroes…” Sam's voice was quiet as they admitted that, their fingers twisted in the bottom hem of their shirt. 

“I'm… one of yer heroes?” Seán had stopped pushing the wheelchair so he could come around to squat down in front of Sam. Sam nodded a bit, looking up over the edge of their glasses at Seán. 

“You're… one of the people that…” Sam paused, biting their lip, eyebrows furrowed and eyes shaky. “You're one of the people that helped me to… to not kill myself…” Sam looked down quickly, tears slipping down their face as they avoided looking at their twin. Seán gripped the handles of the wheelchair to keep his balance as he stared in shock at Sam. 

“Hey… Sam look at me…” Seán said with a dry throat; he had his own tears in his eyes. Sam slowly looked up at Seán, sadness and regret very obvious on their face. Seán reached up and wiped Sam's tears away, giving them a small smile. “I am so proud of ya fer what ye’ve been through… you have ta be one of tha strongest people I've ever met… I'm glad that I could help in even a little way ta keep ya here, because finding you has got to be the best moment of my life… yer my twin, and I love ya. I'm so happy I get to spend time with ya, and if ya need someone ta lean on, from now on, ya have me, okay?” Sam's face crumpled and they wrapped their arms around Seán’s shoulders, hugging him and pressing their face into his neck. 

“Thank you… god… Seán… thank you…” Sam's voice sounded broken as they sobbed against Seán’s neck, body wracked with tremors. Seán hugged Sam back, his own tears falling to join the mix. 

“I got’cha… it's ok… just calm down now… Jackaboy is here…” Sam gave a small laugh and pulled back, scrubbing at their eyes. 

“It's always funny when I hear you refer to yourself as Jack… I mean I get it, Seán is Irish for John, and a nickname for John is Jack, but I always find it kinda funny you just don't go by Seán more often.” Seán smiled a bit before standing and moving back to finish pushing Sam out of the hospital. 

“Ma started calling me that when I was still real little, so it's just kinda stuck. I'll answer ta both, so it's usually no issue, and the fans are always quick ta call me Jack, plus it's a cool name.” Sam nodded and leaned back in the chair, still tired from the last few days. They only meant to close their eyes for a moment, but soon enough, they were asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied. I'll post daily my work until I'm caught up with my chapters, THEN I'll start posting every Friday xD 
> 
> As always thank you for reading, don't forget comments and kudos, and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> JOAT


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new home...

Chapter 3

***

Sam woke to the jarring feeling of an elevator, giving a small noise of surprise before looking around and seeing Seán standing behind them with his hands still on the handles of the wheelchair. 

“Enjoy yer nap? I think I was taking to ya fer about five minutes before I realized you were asleep. No surprise tha lift woke ya, it's pretty old. Reliable though, but I usually take the stairs anyway, gotta use up this boundless energy somewhere.” He gave a small laugh. Sam nodded and rubbed their eyes. 

“Sorry… I'm still on east coast time, so it's somewhere in the middle of the night for me…” they yawned and rubbed their eyes again. 

“Well ya can have a nap when we get inside, I got the spare bedroom all set up fer ya with clean sheets and pillows and everything.” The elevator stopped and Seán pushed Sam out as the doors opened. They walked three doors down and Seán fished into his pocket for his key, unlocking the door before pushing Sam inside. Sam looked around, spotting a living room, kitchen, and hall. They could see some doors down the hall and they wondered what was what. 

“No, I need to get onto this time zone, especially since I'm staying… oh but if you need to go record you can totally do that. I can entertain myself… as long as you give me the wifi password.” Sam smiled some. “My laptop is in my big hard suitcase in a laptop bag with all my electronic stuff. I could work on some writing, or just go on YouTube or something.” Seán didn't want to agree, but after thinking about what he had planned for the day he relented. 

“Okay, but only because I do need ta record a few videos… and maybe in a few days, after yer settled, and we Skype ma and pa, I could include you in a vlog?” Sam blinked in surprise, looking up at Seán. 

“I mean… only if you really want to…” Sam seemed nervous now. They had their own YouTube account but it wasn't anything like Seán’s, so they didn't mention it. Speaking of which, Sam thought to themself, I really need to update that with new content… maybe while Seán is recording… Sam looked back up to their twin. “I'm ok with it if you are… I know you've mentioned your siblings before in your million subscriber video, along with a few other ones, and you mentioned me once in passing, though at the time I didn't know it was me, but I just don't want you to feel like I have to be apart of your YouTube channel outside of a subscriber… okay?” Seán smiled widely at Sam, putting a hand on their shoulder and giving it a squeeze. 

“Which is why I want ye ta be in a vlog. Ya don't want ta take over the channel, but want ta stay involved in tha community. I've dated girls who have ended up just wanting ta be with me so I could boost their career. Singe is totally different though, she just wants ta be known fer herself.” Sam nodded and looked around. 

“Speaking of Signe… where is she? I'm surprised she didn't come out when we got here, or freak out when you told her your long lost dead twin came back to life.” Seán laughed and smiled, letting Sam wheel themself into the living room. 

“Back in Denmark visiting family, she'll be back tomorrow… oh… someone else is coming to stay too fer about two weeks… I hope ye don't mind?” Sam blinked, eyebrows creasing. 

“Why would I mind that someone is coming to visit you? Seán they're your friends and are allowed to visit whenever you want, it's your apartment. Now, do I know who it is?” Seán just nodded and walked into the kitchen. Curious, Sam followed. “Okay guessing game… shot in the dark here that they have something to do with YouTube… so is it Robin?” Seán laughed and shook his head as he went to the fridge to grab some snacks, he would need them while filming. “Okay not Robin… oh god is it Felix?” Seán shook his head again, turning to look at Sam. “Okay… not Robin, not Felix… oh… oh god…” Sam's face went pale. “I-is it M-Mark?” Seán smiled wider and nodded. Sam paled more, hands gripping the wheels of their chair so tightly their knuckles had turned white. Seán immediately noticed the first stages of panic and quickly dropped his snacks on the counter to go and kneel in front of Sam. 

“Hey, woah; breathe. Ya need ta breathe. It's okay, deep breath, in… and out…” Seán waited until Sam was following his instructions before nodding encouragingly. “That's it, in… and out… keep going… that's right, you got this… do ye need yer medication? It should be in one of yer bags, right?” He went to stand but the two hands suddenly gripping his forearms stopped him before he could even fully straighten out. “Okay, it's okay; I'm not going anywhere.” Seán stayed where he was for five whole minutes until Sam finally let go of his arms. 

“Sorry… I'm so sorry… I just… oh god he's going to be here tomorrow… and I can't just hide behind a painting and a letter this time… oh god…” Sam started to shake again and Seán took their hands. 

“Hey, calm down. Ya don't have ta do anything yer not comfortable with, and if ya want ta not interact with Mark than—”

“No!” Sam cut him off quickly. “I do… god I do… fuck Seán, he's… Mark is… his were the videos I went to most often when I was… when I was thinking about…” Sam shook their head. “I just… I don't want to mess up… I know my anxiety will act up, and I don't want to have a panic attack in front of him… again…” Sam winced at that, remembering meeting Mark for those few short minutes at PAX east and proceeding to have a panic attack for most of the time. “I just…” 

“Ya sound like yer in love with him or something…” Seán stopped and blinked slowly as soon as he finished the sentence. “Are ya?” Sam blushed and ducked their head. 

“I may have had a crush on him since… his amnesia videos…” Seán blinked in confusion. 

“But… weren't those his first videos?” Sam just nodded glumly and Seán gave a small laugh. “Oh this is gunna be a fun two weeks… don't worry about it right now, okay? Mark is a really cool guy and ye’ll get along with him great, I promise.” Sam nodded again and pulled themself away to wheel back into the living room. 

“Seán, before you go to record can you tell me which one is the bathroom? And the guest room?” Sam was looking down the hall at the different doors. Seán walked out with his armload of snacks, looking down the hall as well. 

“Ah, right. Okay, my bedroom is the second on the right, first on the right is my studio, first on the left is the guest room, and second is the bathroom. The one at the end is just a hall closet, it's got linens in it, so if ya need towels or sheets or something it's there. Oh and I'll write down the wifi password for ya.” Seán quickly jotted it down on a sticky note he had lying on the coffee table and handed it over. Sam nodded in thanks and wheeled themself to the guest room, seeing their two suitcases sitting on the bed. Sam could tell the smaller one had been opened and rummaged, just by how it was sitting and the position of the zipper, but the bigger, hard case one was left alone. Sam opened this one, rummaging through their things until they could grab their laptop bag. Inside consisted of the laptop they had gotten for graduating college, two 2TB external hard drives, a wireless mouse and keyboard, a webcam, microphone, and stand, as well as a tablet, pen, and all the needed wires and plugs, not to mention the super nice set of headphones Spencer had bought them for their birthday last year. Sam took the whole bag, placed it in their lap, and wheeled back out to the living room to find it empty. 

“Guess it's just me for a while…” if Sam listened closely enough, they could hear Seán doing audio tests in the studio. Sam proceeded to move themself to the couch, which was no small feat, and set their computer up on the coffee table. After a few minutes of set up, including hooking up to the wifi, Sam had their recording equipment set out, microphone poised and ready, and word document opened to a previously written prose. Sam gave a few claps to make sure it was recording correctly and the audio quality was good. With a deep breath, Sam began to speak.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S-I-C who?

Chapter 4

***

When Seán emerged from his studio almost five hours later, Sam was still sitting on the couch, but their recording equipment was put away. Sam was rapidly typing away at the keyboard as MCR played softly on the speakers. Seán smiled as he heard the Danger Days album playing and walked past the living room to the kitchen. He gave a small laugh when Sam didn't even notice him walking by and started to get lunch set up. When Seán walked out to the living room with a tray full of sandwiches, water, and juice, he couldn't stop the smile at seeing his twin still working hard at whatever they were typing. As he put the tray down on the coffee table, Seán moved to sit next to Sam on the couch. 

“Okay, I think ye need a break from typing. Pretty sure my fingers would have fallen off by now… what are ye working on anyway?” Sam started, jumping slightly and looking over to Seán, confusion on their face. 

“Didn't you just go to your studio to work like… an hour ago?” Seán laughed again, smiling. 

“More like… four and a half hours ago. I finished recording fer today and sent two of the videos off to Robin, I'm working on the other one myself after lunch, speaking of which, tuck in. I hope ya like ham and turkey… food options were pretty low, so sandwiches it is.” Sam nodded and saved their work, pausing their music, closing their laptop, and moving it to the side to grab a sandwich. After the first bite, Sam was humming in appreciation. 

“Mmmm, that's good… man I didn't realize how hungry I was… thanks Seán… how about I cook dinner? To make it even.” They took another few bites, finishing the food quickly. 

“Ha, I would say sure, if we had anything ta eat. I think tonight might have ta be takeaway. If that's okay? I can go grocery shopping tomorrow before Singe gets home.” Sam nodded some. 

“Man… I am super excited to meet her… I… might have bought some of her art before.” They rubbed the back of their neck and chuckled, their cheeks dusting pink. Seán just laughed and smiled. 

“Is there anyone yer not a fan of?” Sam just shrugged a bit, holding a glass of water and taking a few sips. 

“There's a lot of people out there I wish I was like… so I wouldn't have to be me so often…” Sam was frowning some now and Seán frowned too, putting his sandwich down. 

“Hey, listen. Sam ye are exactly who ye are supposed ta be. And I know that there has been a lot in yer life you don't want ta think about, but now you don't have ta, okay? Just, for a while at least, ignore tha past and be who you wanna be.” Seán gave Sam's shoulder a squeeze and smiled at his twin. Sam just nodded a bit, giving a small smile back. 

“I'll try… maybe some of your confidence will rub off on me, ha.” Sam gave another little smile and finished their water, putting the glass down. 

“Good. Now; what were ya working on before? You were pretty sucked inta whatever it was ya were typing.” Sam blushed a bit. 

“Oh… uhm… just a short prose, more like free writing… ya know, just getting it all out there?” Sam fidgeted with the hem of their sleeve, looking down towards their laptop. They had been free writing about everything that had happened over the last few days, and was thinking about having it be the next piece they uploaded to their YouTube channel. Unlike Seán, Sam didn't do gaming on YouTube, in fact, their face wasn't even on their channel; all their subscribers didn't even know what they looked like, or even exactly what they sounded like since they did so many different voices. What Sam did was speak, reading prose and poetry they had written, sometimes short stories, one offs with different voices and characters. They had been doing this for over five years now, and they updated pretty regularly, but it was literally just an outlet for them, and they didn't really look at the comments too much or even know how many subscribers they had. Seán smiled some. 

“Oh I’d love ta read some of yer stuff, is it any good?” Sam blushed a bit more. 

“I guess? And you're more than welcome to read some of my stuff…” like the more tame things... Sam thought to themself. Seán smiled as he finished his food. He gathered the plates and things and took them to the kitchen to put away. 

“Hey, did ya want ta just watch some cartoons or something? Maybe play a game?” Sam looked over the back of the couch to where they could see Seán in the kitchen and laughed. 

“You just played video games for five hours and you want to play more?” Seán finished in the kitchen and came back out, flopping back in the seat next to Sam. 

“There's a difference between playing by yerself and with someone else…” he nudged his shoulder against Sam's, smiling some. “But cartoons or Netflix is good too, anything ya wanna watch?” Sam just shrugged, leaning more into the couch cushions. 

“I'm good with whatever you wanna watch, I'm really not picky…” Seán gave Sam a determined look. 

“How do ya feel about anime?” He asked cryptically. Sam just laughed and shoved his arm some. 

“I'm probably more of a geek than you are, and a total otaku, before they came out with that weaboo term, and that's the first style of art I started drawing in.” Seán blinked. 

“That's right, ya do art too, I still have that painting… Do ya have a Tumblr or DeviantArt?” Sam just smiled. 

“If you wanted to see my art you could have asked…” they grabbed their laptop again and opened it up. “Here… these may even look familiar.” After opening up a folder, a bunch of digital art was displayed, drawn of mostly YouTubers or other famous people. “I think this is one you've seen before…” and Sam pulled up a picture of Seán based off of one of his Instagram pictures of him squinting up towards the camera outside. Seán stared in surprise. 

“Holy shit, that was you? I remember reblogging that and writing about it… wait what's yer username? I'll follow you.” Sam laughed but showed him their username, which caused Seán to raise his eyebrows again. “SICprose? Why does that seem so familiar? And I wouldn't expect ya ta use a term like ‘sic’.” Sam laughed at that, smiling some. 

“No, no, people take it that way all the time, but the S-I-C are my initials. It's got nothing to do with me trying to be trendy. I do it for all social media that I can. Like my twitter handle is ‘SICqu0tes’ and my DeviantArt is ‘SICart’. See?” They flipped to twitter and then DeviantArt, showing their pages and the ‘S-I-C’ was there in everyone. Seán nodded and grabbed his phone to go through an add Sam on social media. 

“Oh, do ye have a YouTube too? I could give ya a shout out if ye like in one of my videos.” Sam blushed and dodged the question, shutting their computer down again. 

“Weren't we going to watch cartoons? I think you were suggesting anime, which is totally fine with me, maybe something funny like Ouran? Or something like FMA? I think those are both on Netflix. Or really whatever you wanna watch, I've seen both of those the whole way through.” Sam shrugged again, shoving their computer back in its bag and putting it off to the side. Seán rolled his eyes but set up the tv to watch some anime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here is my question, should I just post what I have and then continue with the Friday updates? Comment with what you think. Also, would you like to see some art of Sam? I've done a few pictures and can release some with chapters as well. Don't forget to comment!
> 
> JOAT


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone call and bed time

Chapter 5

***

They watched anime for a few hours before calling in an order of Chinese food to be delivered. Sam got shrimp lo mein and Seán got cashew chicken, both with egg rolls and fried rice. They talked and swapped bites of food as cartoons played in the background until pretty late. Seán excused himself for a bit to work on that editing for his video, and then again when he got a call from Signe, and Sam was surprised when he came back, phone still in his hand, and then handed it over to Sam. 

“Uhh…” Sam blinked and looked to the phone, it was on FaceTime and Signe was sitting on the other end. Sam's face went bright red. “Oh… uhm… hi…” they swallowed the lump in their throat and Singe laughed. 

“Seán was right, you are pretty shy. Hi, I'm Signe, it's nice to meet you. Your name is Sam, right?” Sam just nodded a bit. “Okay, I just wanted to say hi, and meet you before meeting you tomorrow afternoon. Wow, you two look so much alike… I guess he wasn't kidding about the twin thing.” Singe laughed and Sam gave a small laugh too. 

“Nope… have the blood test to prove it. And, it's really nice to meet you too… I'm a huge fan of your work, I love your style and… I uhm, may have commissioned you before too.” Sam blushed a bit more but was still smiling. Seán had come around behind the couch to lean over so he could see too. 

“Oh Singe, ye should see Sam's art, it's really good! I've even reblogged it before on Tumblr without knowing it was Sam. And that painting of me in my studio? With me in the blue hoodie? Sam painted that too!” Seán sounded like a proud older brother. Singe laughed and smiled at the two of them. 

“You sure are filling in this ‘older brother’ thing pretty easily Seán. Well, I just wanted to say hi, and I'll see you tomorrow. My flight lands just a little after Mark’s, so we are going to meet up and come back together. We should be back around four in the afternoon by the time our flights get in and Dublin traffic. But I'll see you both tomorrow! Have a good night, try not to stay up too late!” She smiled and waved to the two of them before Sam handed the phone back to Seán so he could say a proper goodbye to his girlfriend. When he came back and sat back down, he turned to Sam. 

“Did you wanna watch anything else?” Sam just shrugged, but tried to hold back a yawn. “Ah, looks like the day finally wore ye out. I think it's time fer bed. Do ya need help getting in yer chair?” Sam just shook their head and scooted closer to the edge of the couch. They had folded up the wheelchair and put it next to the armrest of the couch so it was out of the way. Sam started by opening the chair back up, locking the wheels, and moving their laptop and laptop bag to the coffee table. Sam then proceeded to shimmy and lift themself into the wheelchair and get situated, pulling their laptop and bag back into their lap. 

“Goodnight Seán, get some sleep. Even if it's for the weak.” Seán just laughed as Sam rolled back to the guest room. They hadn't really unpacked anything, it was all in their suitcases by the wall, and they quickly deposited their bag next to them. Next was to strip of what they could, including their shirt, shoes, and socks. The jeans were a bit more difficult, but moving to the bed had helped that, and Sam threw them over with their other clothes, curling up under the covers in just their boxer briefs. Sam put their glasses down on the bedside table and before too long, they were asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A heart felt letter and meeting the parents

Chapter 6

***

Sam woke twice during the night with panic attacks and nightmares, but they kept it quiet as not to wake Seán. By seven am, when the third nightmare had woken Sam, they decided there was no more sleep to be had and they got out of bed. After swinging themself into the wheelchair, they grabbed a clean tee shirt and their medication and rolled out into the kitchen. It wasn't too hard to rummage around the fridge for food and something to take their pills with, which they did as quickly as possible, and before long they had managed to find a pan and some eggs to cook up for breakfast. Sam was humming to themself as they made a few scrambled eggs and set them on a plate to the side to cool some. Sam even remembered to set the coffee pot up to start percolating for, what they were sure, would be several cups of coffee to be consumed by Seán. After getting everything cooked, Sam cleaned up and set the table, then rolled down the hall and knocked on Seán’s bedroom door. 

“Seán? Are you awake?” They opened the door a crack to see Seán sitting up in bed and scrubbing his eyes, his hair fluffed out in several directions, and only wearing a pair of sleep pants. 

“Ugh what time is it?” He looked to the bedside clock. “Seven thirty… why are ya up at—“ he stopped himself and took a large sniff of the air. “Do I smell coffee and eggs?” He blinked in surprise. “Ya made breakfast?” Sam just smiled and waved him out of the room while heading back to the kitchen. After a few minutes, Seán came out into the kitchen with a teeshirt on as well and saw the two plates with eggs and the coffee pot nearly done brewing. “Ya didn't have ta make breakfast… heh, I like tha shirt though.” Sam blinked and looked down, blushing when they realized they were wearing their Septiceye Sam shirt, they had grabbed it without really noticing. 

“Yeah… thanks. And I figured making breakfast was the least I could do, besides, you have to go grocery shopping sometime today, and I was hoping you could be back by two or three so I can have dinner cooking and ready for when Signe and Mark get here by four or so… I can write a list of things we probably need… and I figured… you might wanna call your… our… ma and pa…” Sam made a face at not knowing what to call them, before continuing. “So we can tell them about me…” Sam pushed their eggs around on the plate, not really eating so much as just moving the food. Seán, who had been making himself a cup of coffee to bring to the table with his plate of eggs, noticed this and reached over to stop the nervous habit. 

“You can call them ma and pa too… they're you're parents after all… and I'm pretty sure they’ll want ta come visit probably this weekend fer the day or something. Is that okay?” Sam just nodded a bit, moving their hand out from under Seán’s to take a drink of their water. Seán gave Sam’s shoulder a squeeze as he finished making his coffee and sat to eat. He gave a low moan as soon as he had taken his first bite of eggs. “Fooking hell these are good… what did ya do?” He took another large bite, chewing slowly and enjoying the food. Sam gave a small laugh. 

“Salt, pepper, a little water, whisked to fluff them up, and some cheese. They're okay? I wasn't sure if you liked scrambled.” Seán just nodded happily and ate more, finishing his food pretty quickly. “So,” Sam asked as they took a bite. “What are you recording today?” Seán stood to wash his plate and drain the rest of his first cup of coffee before answering. 

“Another part of Happy Room, at the least, and I was thinking about a reading your comments one, but I may put it off since I want ta do a vlog with you in it.” Sam blushed at this but nodded. 

“I really like the Happy Room videos, it's great just hearing you laugh like that, even if it's over murder.” Sam laughed and smiled some and then it was Seán’s turn to blush. 

“Thanks. I like it too, it's fun and pretty quick, and the editing doesn't take too long so I usually do it myself and let Robin work on the bigger stuff.” Sam nodded and finished their food as well, Seán picking up their plate to clean it before Sam could even move to try and take care of it. Sam stuck their tongue out at Seán before moving away from the table. 

“Oh Seán… should I move my bed stuff into the living room? I mean, like my pillow and blanket, there's more in the closet right?” Seán blinked in confusion for a moment, pouring himself another cup of coffee. 

“Why would ya need to do that?” He intoned after putting the coffee pot back on the heating pad. 

“… so Mark has somewhere to sleep besides the couch? I don't roll around much and figured it would be easier this way, and I'll just keep my stuff out here or something so he can have the guest room.” Sam gave a small shrug. “Besides I'm here for two months at least until that surgery, Mark is only here for two weeks.” Seán bit his lip in thought. 

“I hate ta say it, but ya make some sense… okay, we can put yer sleep stuff under tha coffee table, but I'm sure it'll be fine ta keep yer bags in the room. Now, when did you wanna call ma and pa? It's pretty early still but they might be awake, we can check if ya want.” Sam looked down to their lap, frowning some, before nodding. 

“Yeah… we should probably get this done before things go further along… where should we do it?” Seán smiled and moved to stand behind Sam, pushing the wheelchair out of the kitchen and down he hall to his studio. Sam looked around like a child, excited to see everything they had seen in Seán’s videos. Sam gave a small gasp as they looked behind the recording set up and saw the painting they had done. “You… you really kept it…” Sam couldn't stop the tears from entering their eyes as they looked at he picture. It was of Seán in his blue hoodie and ripped jeans, his trademarked hat on his head with a tuft of green hair poking out. He had one hand in his pocket and the other raised, a Septiceye Sam sitting on his shoulder, with a huge smile on Seán’s face. It had taken Sam two months to design, sketch, and paint the whole thing, on a simple 9 inch by 12 inch canvas. Seán smiled and wheeled Sam over next to his recording chair before parking them; he then reached over and pulled up the back of the painting Sam had done and reached behind it. When his hand came back out Sam gasped. In Seán’s hand was the letter that Sam had written, it looked used and opened, like it had been read a few times. Sam couldn't stop the tears from slipping down their face. 

“I re-read it after I found you, when I came back from the hospital the first night. I had forgotten that I put it back there, but when ya mentioned a letter too, I remembered about it. And… I'm sorry I couldn't do anything before…” Sam covered their mouth with a hand, shoulders shaking from the tears and sobs. Sam remembered writing that letter to Seán… they remembered how they had written it like they were talking to an older brother…

“C-can I…?” Sam had reached out to the letter and Seán handed it over. With shaking hands, Sam opened the letter, seeing it had been read a few times, the extra creases and even some tear stains on it…

_Dear Seán,_

_Hi, I'm Sam, and I've been a fan of your channel for a few years now. I hope this letter finds you well, and I apologize in advanced if I have a bit of a break down when I meet you. You've made such a big difference in my life. ~~Especially when things are really bad at home…~~ I love to watch your videos when I'm having a hard day ~~they happen more often than I would like~~ and getting to see you laugh and joke around, or smile, or even to freak out and scream puts a smile on my face. Thank you for being so amazing and so genuine and just so out there. You seem like such a wonderful guy and I wish I could get to know you ~~which’ll never happen, not how things are going in my life~~ but I know I'm just a fan. Thank you for making me smile, and laugh, and even cry… ~~thank you for stopping me from doing something stupid again. Thank you for making it easier for me to stop cutting. Thank you for bringing me back from the edge.~~ Thank you for being amazing. My friend Spencer actually introduced me to your videos ~~he's more like family, at least the only family that doesn't hurt or abuse me~~ and it's thanks to him that I got to know you. Thank you for being you. Please, keep up the great work! ~~Please, keep helping me keep strong. You have saved my life so many times it's not even funny…~~ _

_All the love in the world,_

_Sam Clarcson_

Sam looked over their scratched writing and the crossed out lined. 

“Did you… could you read these?” They sounded almost scared to ask. Seán moved to sit in his chair, putting his hands on Sam's forearms and giving them a squeeze. 

“Tha first time I read it when I got yer painting, no. This time? When I looked back after meeting ya again, I almost didn't sleep that night ta make sure I read everything. Sam… I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you…” Seán had tears in his eyes as well as he reached up to wipe Sam's away. 

“How were you to know?” They asked, leaning into his hands for comfort. “But you're here now…” Seán nodded and smiled, reaching up to wipe his own tears away. 

“That I am, and so is the rest of your family. Now, let's see whose on, okay?” Sam just nodded, getting themself under control, stopping the tears and drying their face. Seán messed with his computer for a bit, opening Skype and turning on his webcam. After a few moments, Seán saw that his parents were online. “Ma and pa are on, you ready?” He waited for Sam to nod before dialing. After about three rings, Mary ‘ma’ McLoughlin was sitting there with a smile on her face. She looked a lot like Seán, with the same natural hair color, though hers was streaked with grey, and the same blue eyes. 

“Jack! What a surprise! What're ye calling fer?” Seán smiled some. He had parked Sam where they wouldn't be visible on the screen until they moved over. 

“Actually ma. Can ya go grab pa too? It's sort of a surprise fer both of ye.” Mary blinked but nodded, and after a moment of her leaving the screen, she came back with Patrick ‘pa’ McLoughlin. They both sat and looked to Seán expectantly. 

“How's my youngest doing today?” Pat asked, looking through the screen at Seán. Patrick had short hair like Seán, but almost completely grey, he also had the same nose and jaw line that Seán had. 

“Well, that's actually why I wanted ta call ya… ya know, I'm not yer youngest after all.” Mary and Pat’s faces fell a bit when Seán said that. 

“We know Jackaboy, but ya know we don't like talking about yer poor sister, god rest her soul.” Sam flinched in their chair, frowning some. Seán gave a slight annoyed look. 

“Actually… that's the news… I ran inta someone, really found them when I was in town, had ta take them ta tha hospital cause they had been mugged, and ended up having a blood test… I’d like ya ta meet Sam…” Sam moved forward into the view of the webcam and Mary gasped in shock. 

“But you… you look like… this can't be… they… that nurse said…” tears were in her eyes as she looked at her baby, all grown up. 

“Uhm… hi…” Sam waved a bit. “I uhm, I changed my name, it's Sam Clarcson now… and I, uhm, I'm gender neutral so… so neutral pronouns like they or them is what I prefer but… Seán and I had a blood test and the results came back with almost identical DNA… and I was born Siobhan Marie… is… is this okay?” Sam looked nervously at the two people on the screen. Mary was crying and Pat had his arm around her shoulders. 

“Yer alive… our babby is alive…” was all he said, a smile on his face and tears in his eyes. “I can't believe… look at how much ye have grown… oh Mary, our little angel is alive…” Mary sobbed harder and hugged Pat. 

“Oh my sweet angel, ye can be called whatever ye want… I'm just happy I've been wrong all these years… oh Seán, when can ye come up and both see us?” Seán blinked in surprise, he wasn't used to hearing his ma call him by his real first name, she had been the one to start calling him Jack to begin with. 

“Well, Singe gets home today, and Mark is coming too, plus, Sam is kinda stuck in a wheelchair fer a bit, but if ye two want ta come spend the day on Saturday, I think we can manage that? At least until Sam can travel again.” Mary and Pat quickly agreed and set up and time to be there. The conversation didn't last too much longer, both parties needing a break to get emotions under control. Before they signed off though, Mary and Pat had one last thing to say. 

“Sam, my angel, ye need ta know that if we had thought any differently, ye would have come home with us instead of that witch. We love ya, tha years haven't changed that. We have a lot to make up fer, Christmas’ and birthdays missed, but just know ye have family that is here ta love and take care of ya now, okay?” Mary had a watery smile on her face as she looked on at her youngest. Sam just nodded, holding back tears of their own. 

“Thank you… ma… pa… thank you.” Mary and Pat beamed at the names, never being happier to be called them before. “We’ll see you on Saturday, I'll make an extra big breakfast… love you.” The two elder McLoughlin’s smiled even more, echoing their excitement and love before hanging up. Sam collapsed back into their seat, scrubbing their face with a hand before smiling tiredly up at Seán. “Thanks… I do really feel better after talking to them… oh, but what about Malcom, Simon, Allison, and Susan?” Seán blinked in confusion. 

“How did ye know all their names? I know I've mentioned Mally in some videos, and I remember saying Simons name, but I don't think I mentioned Allison or Susan before…” Sam just laughed some. 

“No, but Malcom has in his book, which I've read. So that's where I leaned them.” Seán nodded a bit and relaxed in his seat some. 

“I'll text them and set something up for later in tha month when things are a bit calmed down. Fer now, ya look absolutely knackered. Did ya even sleep last night? Ye should get a nap in.” Sam dodged his eyes. 

“Some… not as much as I should have… and I know you need to record… so I might just go lay down on the couch with YouTube on or something… is that okay?” Seán smiled and nodded. 

“Need help?” Sam just shook their head. 

“Just wake me when you need to head out to get groceries, I'll write up a quick list, and have fun recording!” Sam smiled some more before heading out of the studio, closing the door behind them and wheeling to the living room. They got themself situated on the couch and turned on the TV, loading YouTube. They loaded one of their playlists, one with their favorite YouTubers, such as Mark, Seán, Felix, Arin and Danny, Bob, Wade, and Ethan, before putting their head down. They were out before they were even two minutes into the first video.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little history and some pizza

Chapter 7

***

Sam woke to the feeling of fingers gently brushing their bangs back from their face. With a small groan, Sam opened their eyes and looked up to see Seán squatting next to them with a smile on his face. 

“Hey there drowsy dozer. Have a good nap?” Sam just nodded a bit, pushing themself into a sitting position. 

“What time is it?” They asked with a yawn, blinking to try and find where they put their glasses. They didn't need them too much, just for when they were watching shows or on the computer, but it was always good to know where they were. Seán saw Sam looking and picked their glasses up from the floor, handing them over. 

“Just past noon. Got my recordings done and a bit of editing, sent the rest off to Robin but I'll probably edit more later when I get back. Did ya want to get some lunch before I head out to go grocery shopping?” Sam nodded happily, taking their glasses back and putting them on the coffee table where they knew where they would be. With Seán’s help, (“I don't need help, I can get in my chair by myself.” “Doesn't mean I don't want ta help ya, I like helping ya out.”) Sam was situated back in their seat and headed back to the guest room to grab a pair of jeans so they could go out. After finding a pair of black jeans, with Seán helping again, (“Okay, okay, this one is easier when you help.” “Ha, I knew ya needed help.” “Oh shut up you leprechaun.” “That's racist… and against yerself too.” “Well shit, you're right…”) the two were quickly headed out of the apartment and down into town. There was a pizza place close by that they could eat at and after getting a pizza to split, chicken, mushrooms, and olives, they sat together and talked as they ate. 

“So Singe and Mark should be here by four… I can jot down some things it looks like you need in the apartment food wise, and if I write down some stuff for dinner I can probably have it finished by the time they’re back and settled in. Does that sound good?” Sam was finishing up their slice of pizza, more than half of the pie gone. Seán nodded, wiping his mouth and goatee off with a napkin. 

“Yeah, anything special ya want ta do fer dinner?” Sam blushed a bit. 

“Uhm, well, since Mark was coming, I kinda wanted to do chicken and dumplings, because I know it's his favorite, but I can make cookies too for you, and I'm not sure what Singe’s favorite food is, so I can't make it for her yet… I got pretty good at cooking back in America…” Sam's face dropped to their lap, a frown on their features. “I had to…” Seán frowned heavily and reached across the table to squeeze Sam's hand. 

“Ya never told me if that bitch was still out or not… or really what happened ta get ya over here in the first place…” Sam looked up and Seán and nodded a bit, turning their hand over to give his a squeeze, appreciating the moral support. 

“Dad… uhm, that is, Carll… he died when I was nineteen, he didn't even know anything about anything that _she_ was doing to us. He was traveling all the time for the FAA, even got put on loan for NASA once or twice, so when he passed, it was kind of a shock. Apparently, he had an aneurysm, went straight to his brain. He went to sleep one night, didn't wake up the next. The whole family was pretty shaken up. _She_ started drinking afterwords, we tried to stay out of _her_ way, CJ did pretty well since he was off at college, but I was attending from home, and Matty was still in high school. We kept as busy as we could and only went home when we had to, either because _she_ demanded it, or because we needed to sleep or clean clothes. The reason the truth came out… was because _she_ got so drunk one night, _she_ tried to get into a fist fight with CJ, Matty and I… now I'm not that big, but CJ and Matty are both well over six foot each and weigh a good bit. They were having none of it, and _she_ ended up telling us that we weren't even _her_ kids… now Matty is the youngest of us at 22, but all of us had graduated college by then, so we could sort of support ourselves. We brought _her_ to the cops, _she_ was still drunk and still ranting about how _she_ had taken us from our families… we managed to get names out of _her_. CJ was actually Carll James O’Brian, I was Siobhan Marie McLoughlin, and Matty was Matthew Christopher McNair. We told the police everything we could… about the emotional and physical abuse as well as the psychological… it was hard to say the least… _she's_ in prison now, for too long to count, but the police suggested we go ‘home’…” Sam even did air quotes with one hand at this. “So we did. Spencer and I went to school together, he was getting his criminal justice degree while I was getting my teaching and litt degrees, and he's getting his law degree right now, so he used our birth names along with our birthdays to find our real families. CJ is from the northlands, Matty the south, and me from right in the middle. I… actually had a freak out when I found out that my name was McLoughlin, because all I could think of was you… and when Spencer found the names of my family members… Mary and Pat, the parents, and five older siblings… Malcom, Allison, Susan, Simon, and Seán… I knew… I just knew… so I got my passport, sold everything I didn't need, and bought a plane ticket to come find you. Spencer used this program he has to find your address, or rather find Signe’s address, and got me in the door… and the rest, as they say, is history…” Sam was looking down at their lap and slowly looked up to Seán, only to gasp in surprise at the tears in his eyes. 

“I'm… I'm so sorry…” he mumbled out, squeezing Sam's hand tightly. “I didn't… oh Sami, I'm so sorry…” his hand was shaking , as was the rest of him, and Sam found themself the one in the other shoe this time. They rolled over to the other side of the table and reached their arms out to Seán, who was quick to hug his twin tightly, as if he would lose them any second. Sam rubbed Seán’s back, hushing him quietly. Sam saw a few people around them send them worried looks but Sam waved them away with a sad smile as they continued to try and calm Seán down. He sobbed against his twins shoulder, body shaking with grief and pain. After a few minutes, he finally calmed down and pulled back. Sam offered him some napkins and Seán took them gratefully, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose. After straightening his appearance, Seán looked back to Sam with a watery smile. “I'm sorry that had ta happen to ya Sami… I wish I coulda been there for ya…” Sam smiled a bit more. 

“Hey, it's okay… I'm here, you're here, we’re both okay… and… I like that you call me Sami… no ones ever called me that before.” They smiled more and Seán blinked. 

“Oh, I didn't even realize I was doing it… okay, well then I'll call ya Sami.” They both smiled before deciding it was probably time to go. They packed up their left overs, Sam holding them in their lap, as Seán pushed them back towards the apartment. After they got back, Sam put the left over pizza in the fridge and grabbed a piece of paper and pencil, jotting down the things they saw would be needed in the apartment as well as things for dinner. 

“Okay, that should be it. Obviously if there's anything I missed…” Seán hummed and nodded, looking everything over. 

“Looks pretty complete ta me. I'll be back in an hour or so, keep yerself entertained, okay?” He ruffled Sam's hair, who shrieked and batted his hand away. 

“Ack! Stop that! And get going ya green bean!” Seán just laughed and headed out, leaving Sam alone in the apartment again. Sam looked around and nodded to themself, knowing that now that Seán was gone, they were going to clean the whole apartment… or at least the kitchen, living room, and bathroom.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cleaning and cookies

Chapter 8

***

It took Seán almost two hours to get the shopping done, and then the bus was late, so it was almost 3:30 by the time he got home. He walked in, arms loaded with bags and covering his view. 

“Sorry, I know I was supposed ta be back by now, but ye’ll never believe how crazy it was out there today!” He called as he kicked the door closed behind him with his foot. 

“Hey let me help!” Sam wheeled over and took some of the bags, leaving Seán to gape in astonishment. 

“Ye cleaned!” He exclaimed, looking surprised. Sam just laughed and wheeled into the kitchen, putting the bags up on the counter. 

“Of course I did. The bathroom, hall, kitchen and living room, I even had time to clean the guest room some more and organize my stuff out here in the corner so it's out of Mark’s way, now they should already be on their way here, I'm not sure because I have no way for them to contact me, but if you help me put stuff away, I can start on dinner and it should be done by five, so we can all eat at a reasonable time, okay?” Seán just stared for a moment more before shaking himself out of it. 

“Yeah… Signe texted me while I was out, they should be here by 4:15 at the latest… here, just pull the things out that ya need fer dinner and I'll put everything else away, okay?” Sam smiled up at Seán and grabbed all the ingredients they needed for dinner as Seán began putting things away. By the time Seán had finished putting away the last of the groceries, Sam had already set everything up for dinner and was mixing some chocolate chip cookie dough with a spoon. 

“I'm about to tray these up, do you want to clean the bowl?” Seán bounced excitedly to the side, waiting patiently. Sam laughed and quickly dished up the cookies on the cookie sheet before handing the bowl and spoon over to Seán to ‘clean’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. 
> 
> JOAT


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Mark and Signe, and panic attacks

Chapter 9

***

Just as Sam was cutting up the chicken to go into the gravy with the dumplings, the front door opened. Sam nearly cut their own fingers because of the nerves, but managed not to. Seán, who had moved to the living room to be out of the way, jumped up from the couch to help with bags. 

“Hey babe! Welcome home! And Mark, it's good ta see ya man!” Seán gave Signe a quick hug and kiss before going to give Mark a hug as well. Sam kept quiet and continued to make dinner, biting their lip in concentration so they wouldn't focus on the rising anxiety and panic. Seán quickly helped Mark stow his bags in the guest room and helped Signe bring her bags into their room before the three walked back out to the living room. 

“Okay,” Signe started before anyone could even sit down. “Where are they?” Mark blinked in confusion, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“What are you talking about?” Seán just laughed. 

“Kitchen, finishing up supper. Wouldn't even let me help, well, except ta clean the cookie dough bowl.” He smiled widely. Mark still looked confused as Signe marched into the kitchen, the two men following after her. 

“Oh there you are! I'm so happy to meet you!” She exclaimed, coming over to properly meet Sam. Sam had just finished putting the chicken in the pot and was stirring it. They smiled up at Singe. 

“Hi, it's nice to meet you face to face… sorry dinner isn't ready yet, Seán made me get a late start.” Sam wiped their hands on the dish towel on the handle of the oven door before holding it out to Signe. The woman scoffed before leaning in and hugging Sam, surprising them. 

“Don't think you're getting out of a hug just because you're stuck in that thing.” She said before pulling back and smiling. Sam had tensed up and was trembling slightly. Seán spotted the startled look on Sam's face and left the room quickly. Mark, still confused, looked over to the person at the stove and blinked in surprise. 

“… Sam?” He asked, shock evident in his voice. “Sam Clarcson? What the hell are you doing here?” If if was possible, Sam paled even more, eyes widening and turning towards Mark. 

“Y-y-you r-re-remb-ber my-my n-name?” Sam's breath caught in their throat, just as Seán walked back into the kitchen with a few pill bottles in his hands. 

“Hey, Sami, ya got’ta breathe fer me… which pills do ya need?” He put them down on the counter next to Sam, who quickly grabbed one of the bottles and tried to open it, with no success; hands shaking as hard as they were, it was no surprise Sam couldn't open the bottle. Signe had moved back next to Mark, a deep frown marring her pretty face as she looked on in worry. 

“Jack what's going on?” Mark asked, not one to like being left out of the loop. 

“Just a sec…” Seán pulled the pills from Sam's hands and opened the bottle, reading the front quickly before dishing out three of them and handing them over, also handing over a glass of water that had been sitting by the sink. “Just take those and breathe fer me, okay? I'm here… it's gunna be okay…” Sam took the pills as quickly as possible with shaking hands, their whole body in tremors. Seán ended up squatting down in front of Sam, hands rubbing up and down their upper arms. “That's it, deep breaths… in… and out… good, good; yer doing a great job Sami… I'm so proud of ye.” It took a total of three minutes before the drugs started working properly, and by that time, Sam had calmed down and was breathing normally again. 

“’M so sorry Seán… I keep doing this to ya…” Sam had their head dropped, their bangs covering their eyes. 

“Hey, ya can't control it… it's okay…” Seán looked over to Mark and Signe and gave them a smile. “It's okay now… but before ya ask anything, I wanna know how you knew Sam’s name… I don't remember telling ya.” He was looking at Mark as he said this. Mark blinked in surprise and looked between Sam and Seán, taking a moment before his eyebrows nearly his his hair line. 

“You two look… no way man… that's so crazy…” Seán gave Mark a look, who startled at it into answering. “Oh, right, we met at PAX east last year… Sam painted me a picture of the galaxy with some tiny box Tim’s and Warfstache’s thrown in, it's a really good painting, I have it hanging up in my bedroom… and I got a letter too, that's how I remember your name… I, uh, actually have it framed in my studio at home too… it keeps me inspired. I even tried to get ahold of you to thank you properly since the security basically kicked you out, despite that I could see you were having a panic attack before, but I couldn't find any information on you.” Sam couldn't look away from Mark, eyes wide in shock and amazement. 

“Wh-what? You… you kept my letter?” Mark smiled and nodded a bit, moving closer to squat down next to Seán. 

“Yeah, stories like yours keep me inspired, and I had wanted to thank you, and maybe help out if I could… those crossed out lines concerned me pretty badly, but I couldn't get ahold of you in any way…” Mark looked over to Seán for a moment. “But it looks like you got help… now, how did this all come about?” He gestures between Sam and Seán and Seán gives a laugh, smiling some before standing, Mark following suit. 

“Let's take this to the living room, it'll be more comfortable. What else needs ta be done fer supper Sami?” Sam smiled at the nickname, moving their hands to the wheels of their chair. 

“Just gotta cook, it's basically done, at least prepping. It'll cook about another half an hour and be done and ready to eat.” Seán nodded and headed out to the living room, pulling Signe along with him, who still wore a worried face. 

“What are you making by the way? It smells heavenly.” Mark complimented as he headed out to claim a seat on the plush chair next to the couch. 

“Ah… well… since Seán told me you were coming… I kind of made your favorite… chicken and dumplings… I hope that doesn't seem creepy.” Sam blushed and rubbed the back of their neck, before moving and maneuvering themself to the corner seat on the couch. Seán sat beside them and Signe on the other side. Mark just smiled. 

“That sounds wonderful actually, and it smells amazing.” Sam blushed more, fiddling with the hem on their shirt; they looked at the three people in the room before noticing the look on Signe’s face. 

“Hey… it's not your fault okay?” Signe blinked in surprise, leaning into Seán’s side. 

“How did you know I was…” Sam waved her off. 

“I get the same way… but honestly, it's not your fault… I've been building up to a bigger panic attack all week, I think the sudden change in physical touch is what did it… I don't mind really, but my brain is still hard wired to think someone touching me like that is going to end up with me in more pain… sorry…” Sam dropped their head in shame. Seán frowned, a little less in worry and more in concentration. 

“Ye haven't had that reaction with me…” Sam bit their lip. 

“No, but I have also been psyching myself up to meeting you for the last few weeks, so I was expecting something… where as Signe doesn't even know me, so I guess I just wasn't expecting a hug.” The couple nodded in understanding. Mark looked on in concern. 

“So I don't get a hug from my number one fan then?” His voice was slightly teasing as he leaned forward in his seat. Sam blushed and gave him a fake glare. 

“Don't make me use the full name on you mister…” Mark just raised an eyebrow at that, causing Sam's glare to be a little less fake. “Mark Edward Fischbach, I swear to all that gives, if you start messing with my anxiety I will throw this damn wheelchair at you…” Seán startled out a laugh, covering his mouth quickly. Sam's glare turned to him next. “Don't you even start Seán William McLoughlin, I will find some way to torture you, like maybe keeping those cookies all to myself?” Seán gave a small whimper and Signe smiled on at the pale look of the two men. 

“Ohhhhhh, they got you…” Sam looked at Signe and sighed, their shoulders relaxing some. 

“You're only off the hook because I don't know your middle name…” Singe gave a small laugh, smiling. 

“I'll keep it that way thanks. What's yours though, if you don't mind sharing?” She asked, actually curious. 

“Ah… my full name is Sam Icarus Clarcson.” Mark blinked at that. 

“Icarus? Like wax wings melting in the sun Icarus?” He asked, eyebrow raised. Sam just nodded, then looked up, as if remembering something. 

“ _To see the heavens on wax made wings, Icarus took to the sky. But as the sun loomed closer still, all Icarus could do, was die…_ ” they quoted, a small smile on their lips. Mark blinked in surprise. 

“So you follow SicRhymes too?” He asked, leaning back in his seat now. Sam blinked slowly, looking over at Mark. 

“Excuse me?” They sounded almost confused. 

“SicRhymes, they're a YouTube group, that's a line from one of the poems they did a few years ago. Unless you were quoting it from somewhere else?” Sam froze, swallowing the lump in their throat. 

“Oh, no that's where it was from… I'm… pretty familiar with the work…” Sam didn't want to know how Mark knew that YouTube name… it was Sam’s. 

“Oh, okay. I mean, I've been following them since probably before I started getting popular on YouTube myself. I know they don't post any video games or anything, just prose and poetry, but their work is good, they've got a good cast working for them, I've even tried to message them before because they've written stuff about me, but they must have conflicting schedules or something because they've never gotten back to me before. They actually all just put out a new one recently that was really good. There has to be like ten different people working for the group though, because I swear when they do the stories? Every line feels like a new voice.” Sam just nodded a bit, wanting to sink back into their seat and disappear. 

“Yeah, I follow them too, they all do really good work.” Seán piped in and Signe nodded as well, confirming she also followed Sam's YouTube page. Sam knew if it wasn't for their medication already running through their system, they would be having another panic attack. Markiplier, JackSepticEye, and Wiishu all followed SICRhymes… Sam didn't know what to think…

“So… about this whole…” Mark started, gesturing between Seán and Sam. Sam looked relieved at the change of topic, and gave a slightly less traumatizing retelling of the events of their life and how they came to find Seán. Mark was staring slack jawed when they were done. “So… you're twins? Holy crap man, that's fucking trippy…” Sam gave a small laugh, smiling some.

“Spencer said almost the exact same thing…”

“Your friend who helped you find your family?” Mark asked, crossing his legs. Sam nodded. 

“Yeah, he's my best friend, helped me find everything, helped CJ and Matty find their families too… hey… speaking of Spencer, we have like fifteen minutes before dinner is ready, can I call him?” Sam looked over to Seán in question. “I should probably explain everything that's happened since I haven't talked to him since I left…” Seán smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah, that's fine, I want ta meet him anyway and thank him fer getting you back to us.” Sam blushed but smiled. 

“Okay, but sit back until I tell you to come in, okay? It'll surprise him.” Seán and the others laughed but nodded. Sam was quick to set up their laptop, grabbing their webcam as well and hooking it up. Sam grabbed their glasses from the coffee table and shoved them on their face so they could see what they were doing. “He should be online…” as Skype loaded, Sam saw Spencer’s username and quickly clicked on it. After the second ring Spencer showed up, smiling widely. 

“Hey! I was wondering when you were going to call! How goes the brother hunt?” Sam gave a nervous laugh. 

“Heh, well, ya see…”

“Oh god what happened…” Spencer suddenly looked worried. 

“Hey, first off, I’m okay… but… on my way to find Seán… I was… sorta mugged.” He gasped. 

“Mugged?! Sam what the hell! Do I need to come over there? What happened? Are you okay?” Sam grimaced a bit. 

“I'm mostly fine… scratches and scrapes… but… I did get stabbed… in the back… literally… and I'm temporarily paralyzed from about mid thigh down…” Sam wasn't sure if Spencer’s face could get any paler. “But hey, something good came of it, I got rescued by a Good Samaritan. Do you want to meet him?” Spencer just nodded dumbly and Sam motioned for Seán to lean into frame. Seán smiled widely and waved. 

“Top ‘o tha mornin’ to ya, Spencer!” Spencer shrieked. 

“Holy fucking shit!” He quickly covered his mouth, eyes wide. Seán laughed. 

“Yeah, I get that a lot… now I actually wanted ta thank ya fer getting our Sami back ta us; ma and pa are super happy and are going ta come visit, and we are having a big get together with the rest of the family sometime next month. But without you and yer computer stuff that helped Sami find us, I don't think they would be back here… and thank ya fer being such a good friend ta them when they really needed it.” Spencer nodded slowly. 

“If… you're at JackSepticEyes apartment… is Wiishu there too?” Sam just laughed and motions Signe to lean in as well. She did so, smiling and waving. 

“Hi Spencer, nice to meet you. Thank you for helping get Sam back to their family.” Spencer waved slightly, dumbfounded. Sam just smiled wider. 

“Okay, well that was the first two parts…” Spencer’s eyes slid back to Sam. 

“Oh of course, because all news comes in threes…” Sam just nodded, still smiling some. “Okay, let me just get this straight. First; you get mugged and partially paralyzed. Second; none other than JackSepticEye, your twin brother, saves you. What next, you and Markiplier are having a sordid affair?” He scoffed. Mark took that as his queue, moving from his seat to lean over the back of the couch, arm going around Sam's shoulders and pressing his cheek up against theirs. 

“Oh yes, we are so in love. Come on now, give us a kiss…” and he started making kissy noises right against Sam's face. Sam laughed, shoving at Mark. 

“Mark you doof, get off of me…” Sam looked back to the computer screen to see Spencer staring in shock. Sam laughed a bit, smiling. “Mark I think you broke him, he's kidding Spencer, it's just a—“ but Sam stopped, laughter dying in their throat. “Spencer? Spencer… hey I need you to breathe for me…” Sam saw the signs, knowing their best friend was having a panic attack. “Guys, give me a minute.” Sam looked between Mark, Seán and Signe, who all nodded and moved away from the screen; leaving just Sam and Spencer on screen together. “Spencer you need to take deep breaths, in… and out… okay good, keep doing that…” Spencer was breathing raggedly now, but at least he was breathing. Sam was taking deep breaths with him. “That's right… okay Spencer, give me five…” Spencer looked lost for a moment before his eyes quickly darted around his room. 

“Computer, desk, books, tv, bed…” Sam nodded in encouragement. 

“Good, great. Give me four.”

“Keyboard, shirt, jeans, monitor…”

“Awesome, doing great bud. Keep breathing, now give me three.” 

“Tower, clock, fan…”

“Excellent, almost done. Give me two.”

“Body spray, lunch…”

“Great, great, just one more, give me one…”

“Gatorade…” Sam was smiling now. 

“You did so good. You back with me?” Spencer just nodded, taking a few more deep breaths. 

“I'm okay now… christ… you tried to kill me.” Sam grimaced. 

“Mark was the surprise… I didn't know he would do that… I just wanted to surprise you that he was here too…” Spencer nodded a bit but smiled none the less. 

“I believe you… now, tell me what else is going on… what are you going to do for work?” Sam frowned deeply. 

“Seán is paying for stuff until I can walk again, but I'll probably look for another teaching job since its, ya know, the easiest one to think of.”

“You should look for a publisher out there, maybe they'll take you instead…” Sam blushed; they could see the three other occupants of the room standing together behind the computer, but they didn't want to draw attention to them and cause Spencer another panic attack. 

“Yeah maybe…” Spencer rolled his eyes. 

“Oh come on, the worst they can do is say no, and it would be a hell of a lot better than not trying…” Sam just nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah I know you're right.”

“Well, besides that, when can I come visit?” Spencer looked up excitedly, smiling. Sam laughed some, a strained smile on their face. 

“Well, surgery isn't for another two months at least, and then I'll have to find my own place, so some time after that I guess…” Sam didn't even see Seán move, but suddenly he was standing right behind them and leaning over to look into the webcam. 

“Ye can come visit any time ye want. I don't mind putting ya up. It's thanks ta ya that I even have Sam back in the first place.” Sam looked up at Seán, shock all over their face. 

“Seán, you don't have to do that…” but Seán waved them off. 

“I want ta, besides, he brought ya back from the dead… I owe him a lot…” Sam smiled softly before looking up to Spencer, who had a huge smile on his face. 

“So, Wednesday night?” Sam blinked in confusion. 

“Wednesday? Spencer you can't take time off of classes, you only have like a semester left!” Spencer laughed and smiled wider. 

“My Wednesday class finishes early in the morning and I don't have a Thursday class, Friday class was canceled because the professor has to be out of town and I don't have any classes on Monday until late at night… so?” Seán laughed and nodded. 

“Sure, we can pull out the camp bed or something.” Spencer nodded and smiled more. 

“Okay great! But, it's getting late, I gotta go if I'm gunna make it to class on time. I'll see you guys on Wednesday! Good to see ya Sam… don't be afraid to ask for help!” And with that Spencer signed off, leaving Sam to sigh and close their laptop, shutting everything down and putting it all away. 

“Hey… listen I'm sorry about that… I had no idea I'd give the guy a panic attack. Who knew that me just showing up could do that?” Mark said, moving back to his seat and frowning. 

“No, don't worry about it… I don't think it was the fact that you were there per-say… more so because his brain automatically thought his joke was real…” Sam waved him off, pulling their glasses off their face and cleaning them on their shirt. 

“What, you being in a relationship with me? Does he think you're that out of my league?” Mark gave a small laugh, smiling as Seán and Signe sat back down on the couch. Sam blushed hotly and looked to their lap. 

“That's not… no… just the whole… me in a relationship thing… it's sort of a joke to him… considering I've never been in one before.” The three others blinked in surprise. 

“You… wait really?” Mark asked, sounding genuinely shocked. “I mean… there's nothing wrong with it, if that's just how you are…” Sam shook their head. 

“No… I mean I know there's nothing wrong with it, I'm just, I'm not ace. I'm interested in people… they just… aren't interested in me…” they frowned more, eyebrows creased together. Seán gave Singe a look, eyes darting between Sam and Mark; Signe rolled her eyes but smiled. 

“I think dinner might be done, I'm going to go serve.” Signe said as she stood. Seán stood as well, following her towards the kitchen. 

“I'll help, Sam I need ta pop the cookies in the oven now, right?” Sam gave a small hum of acknowledgement. Sam continued to sit, looking down to their lap, but they couldn't help but glance up at Mark. He was looking at Sam with concern on his face. 

“You okay over there?” He sounded worried at least. 

“Yeah… just… not really used to being this close to… never mind…” Sam blushed harder, bitting their lip in the process. 

“Hey, you can tell me. I promise not to judge…” he slowly reached out a hand and put it on Sam's forearm, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance. Sam looked back up, still looking quite shy. 

“I'm… not used to being this close to so many people that I look up to… I'm not used to being around my heroes…” Mark gave an encouraging smile and squeezed Sam's forearm again. 

“I think you've got it backwards. You're my hero after all…” Sam gave a small laugh. 

“I'm being serious you doof… I'm not trying to make fun of your community name.” Mark smiled widely at the laugh Sam gave. 

“I'm serious too… I wasn't lying when I said I had that letter framed, I must have read it a hundred plus times… in fact…” Mark pulled his hand back and pulled out his phone. After a moment he put it down. “There, Tyler is going to take a picture next to it in my studio and send it to me, maybe then you'll believe me.” Sam blinked in surprise. 

“You… you're not kidding about that? Why… why would you keep my letter?” Mark’s smile softened a bit. 

“Probably because you struck a chord with me… I like the way you write, and your issues and struggles remind me of myself some. I was hoping I would maybe get to see you again at the next convention I went too.” Sam smiled slightly, throwing out their hands theatrically.

“Ta-da! Wait no further, here I am.” Mark laughed just as Seán and Signe brought out two bowls each of the chicken and dumplings that Sam had made. 

“Okay, time fer food ya two.” Seán handed Mark his bowl and then sat down with his own as Signe handed Sam a bowl and then put hers down on the coffee table to grab drinks. 

“Thanks Signe…” Sam smiled, stirring the bowl with their spoon. Mark took a large whiff of the food and moaned, deep in his chest, causing Sam to blush more. 

“This smells so good… and it's been so long since I've had a home cooked meal.”

“Ah… I hope you enjoy then…” Sam mumbled, playing with their food some. Sam watched through their bangs as the other three took their first bites. The chorus of moans that followed made Sam blush as dark as Mark’s hair. “I… guess it's good?” They asked, looking between the other three. Signe nodded happily, Seán was too busy stuffing his face with another bite, and Mark had his eyes closed, a look of bliss across his face.

“I think this is better than my moms food…” Sam paled a bit. 

“Please don't tell her that… I'm sure your mom is a wonderful lady, but no mother likes to hear someone else's food is better than theirs… especially with something like their youngest child's favorite meal…” Mark slowly opened his eyes and smiled over at Sam. 

“Hey no worries… oh… I forgot to ask you… that counting thing you did with your friend, what was it?” Sam blinked at the change in topic. 

“Uhm, well it's a coping mechanism to deal with panic attacks. If a person can ground themselves, by doing something like checking their five senses, it should bring them out of the cycle of panic. Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Now, it's not 100% fool proof, but it's something that's worked for both Spencer and I in the past, and usually a good way of getting someone out of a panic attack before it really starts, or how to get them out of it when it does start. It's also why I keep chapstick in my pocket at all times. The last one is the hardest, taste, so if you have something pre-prepared, it makes things easier.” Mark nodded a bit. 

“That's actually really helpful. Now I know what to do if I see someone having a panic attack.” He smiled before jumping slightly with a start; his phone was buzzing in his pocket. “Oh… looks like Tyler texted me back…” Mark pulled out his phone and showed the picture of Tyler to the other three. The tall brunette was standing in Mark’s home studio, the computer set up somewhere by his elbow, and right behind Tyler on the wall was the three page letter Sam had written, framed and in pristine condition. Tyler was smiling in the selfie, his glasses reflecting the light. Sam stared at the picture in shock, tears filling their eyes as they looked at the solid proof that Mark had kept their letter… “Hey now, don't cry…” Sam blinked up at Mark, not even realizing they had tears in their eyes. 

“S-sorry… I just… thank you… that's… I mean…” Sam groaned, putting their bowl down on the coffee table so they could scrub their face with their hands. “Sorry… I just feel like I'm messing everything up…” Seán put his bowl down as well, moving an arm around Sam's shoulders to hug them into his side. 

“Ya are not… yer just dealing with a whole new situation that yer not used ta. Now come on, we can finish dinner, have some desert, and maybe watch a movie before I think everyone needs ta get ta bed.” Sam nodded a bit and smiled up at Seán, having wiped the tears from their eyes and grabbing their bowl. The four ate the meal, Seán and Mark even going back for seconds, before cookies were passed around (Seán having gotten up when the timer went off to take them out to cool) and a movie was put on. As they were sitting, waiting for the movie to start, Mark looked over at Sam, leaning on the arm of the chair 

“Hey Sam…” Sam looked over to Mark and raised an eyebrow in question, humming in acknowledgment. “Your friend Spencer… he said something about a publisher…” Sam's cheeks tinted pink. “What did he mean by that?”

“Ah… well…” Sam noticed that the other two occupants of the room were looking at them now too. “I… may have written a few books, and tried to have them published while I was in America, but no one took them… so…” Mark leaned his chin on his palm; his elbow rested against the armrest. 

“How many is a few?” Sam gave a small nervous laugh, rubbing the back of their head. 

“Uhm… 15?” The other three people in the room stared more intently at Sam now, eyes wide in shock. 

“… 15 is a few?” Signe asked, the first to find her voice. 

“Well… I mean…” Sam stammered, eyes flashing up to the TV screen that was playing the menu loop over and over before looking back to their lap. “You have to think about how long each book is… I have one series that is 9 books long, but each book is only between 100 and 150 pages. I have another one that's a trilogy, but each book is between 500 and I think the middle one was somewhere in the 900’s. Then I have another one that's got a trilogy, each one has about 300 or so pages, but it also has at least 20 to 30 different short stories that go along with it, each one ranging between 10 to 50 pages each…” Sam glanced up at the other three people in the room, trying to hide behind their bangs. 

“That's incredible…” Mark whispered out, so shocked was he that his normal booming voice would barley raise higher. Sam blushed more. 

“No, just… someone with no life and a lot of time on their hands…” mumbled Sam, sinking into their seat a bit more. Seán reached over and took hold of Sam's hand, giving it a squeeze, as well as a reassuring smile. 

“Ye are very talented Sami, but I think ye want the attention offa ya right now, am I right?” Sam just nodded a bit, looking at Seán over their glasses frames. He laughed and gave Sam's hand another squeeze. “Okay, okay. Movie time. No more questions, I promise.” Sam gave Seán a small smile back and settled back into their seat to watch the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter makes up for it, right? Bonus? Double update? Yeah?
> 
> JOAT


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat, some YouTube, and bed time

Chapter 10

***

When the movie finished, Signe excused herself to bed, claiming jet lag. The three others said goodnight, Seán going back to give his girlfriend a ‘proper goodnight kiss’ leaving Sam and Mark alone in the living room. 

“So, you're not tired? I would think you would be considering how long you were on the plane.” Sam asked, folding their glasses back up to put on top of their laptop on the coffee table. Mark shrugged a bit, stretching some in his seat. 

“Nah, I had first class, so I lounged and actually got a nap in. As far as flights go, it was pretty good. No babies crying, and only a handful of people asking for pictures and stuff before the flight took off. They pretty much left me alone once I got on the plane.” Sam nodded some, stretching their arms up above their head, shirt riding up their hip. 

“Must have been nice… my flight over here was coach, stuck between a mother and crying child, and a guy who should have been in three seats, not one, with an allergy to soap.” Sam shuddered in remembrance. “Scrubbed myself raw as soon as I made it to my motel before I came looking for Seán.” Mark was looking over to Sam, and his eyes couldn't help but wander to the pale peak of flesh as they stretched, but he quickly looked back to their face, mentally shaking himself for acting this way. 

“Yeah… it was okay. I'm hoping the flight home will be as smooth…” Sam just nodded again.

“Oh, hey. I'm probably going to need to apologize in advanced… I think the only reason Spencer dropped whatever plans he had for this weekend to come here was because you're here too… he bought me the meet and greet passes for PAX east last year so he didn't get to meet you guys in person himself.” Mark just laughed, smiling and getting more comfortable in his chair, twisting to the side so he could see Sam better.

“Hey no issue. That was nice of him though… is the plane ticket out here going to be an issue though? It's not exactly cheap.” Sam just smiled and laughed a bit. 

“Nah, he gets to fly pretty cheap. His dad is a pilot, so as long as he flys with the same company his dad works for, he usually gets to fly for free, but otherwise, his tickets are super crazy cheap. Like when we flew up to Boston, normal prices were $500 a piece, round trip. Spencer got them for both of us, round trip, $100 total. It was super crazy and I'm super jealous.” Mark stared in shock. 

“Holy shit balls, that's insane.” Sam laughed and smiled. 

“Yeah, again, super jealous.” Sam looked up to the wall clock and sighed. “So, you think they're just making out in there, or do I need to grab my noise canceling headphones?” Mark blinked before seeing the time, realizing Seán had been gone for almost 15 minutes already. 

“Uhhh… we can put on a game? You play consul games? Or we could load YouTube or something.” Sam nodded and tossed the remote to Mark. 

“You're choice… I'm good with whatever.” Mark loaded YouTube on the TV, and by the time Seán made it out of the bedroom, his clothes slightly askew, Sam and Mark were three episodes in on Game Grumps. 

“Finally decided to rejoin us?” Mark asked with a teasing hint in his voice. Seán’s cheeks tinted red. 

“Ya know bro, if you wanted some alone time with your girlfriend, all you had to do was say… we’re all adults here, and I don't mind giving you your space…” Sam had their glasses back on their face, eyes not leaving the TV. Seán blushed harder before going to take a seat on he other end of the couch. 

“Yeah… okay fine… but Signe really did go to bed.” Mark was trying not to giggle behind his hand and Sam just hummed. 

“Yeah, after you wore her out.” Their tone was so calm, it was like they were talking about the weather. Seán squawked indignantly. 

“Hey!” Mark burst out laughing, trying to keep it quiet but he ended up slapping his leg and leaning back into his seat. Seán leaned over and shoved Sam some, causing his twin to laugh and smile. 

“Hey, you know it's true. And I have seen enough fanart and fanfiction for a life time, thank you very much… come to think of it, I never really liked seeing or reading stuff about you… think my biology knew we were twins?” Seán just rolled his eyes before curling up more in his seat. 

“Oh ho, what's this? You read or seen any about me?” Mark waggled his eyebrows, leaning closer over the arm of his chair. Sam blushed some. 

“I have seen plenty of things and read plenty of things, all of which should probably not have been created because of the invasion of personal privacy to the subject, or if it must be done, than at least not let to see the light of day. People can sin however they want, but when real life people come into the mix, they should probably not parade that around the Internet…” Sam nodded some, cheeks still pink. Mark laughed but smiled. 

“Well thank you. I mean, I don't want to stop people's creativity, but sometimes they push it a little too far.” Seán nodded along. 

“Yeah, I've seen some things… do they realize we do see that?” Sam just shrugged, turning back to the TV. 

“Probably on some level, but mostly I think they're just trying to get their creativity out…” Sam looked down at their lap. _I know I have…_ they thought to themself, remembering the prose and poetry they had written about real life people, but they made sure anything that could be taken badly they didn't publicly post. 

“So what are ye two watching?” Seán asked, finally noticing the Game Grumps episode playing. Mark shrugged, half lounged over the armrest of his chair. 

“Just some old Grumps videos. Why, what did you want to do?” Seán looked over at the other two, noticing how they were both leaning into the arm rests towards each other.

“Well actually, I kinda wanted ta catch up on the SicRhymes posts, ya said they posted a new one recently and I haven't had the time ta listen to it… that okay?” Mark just nodded, Sam paled slightly but nodded as well. 

“Yeah,” Mark chimed in. “I'm always willing to listen to their stuff, maybe we can go back and listen to that Icarus poem, Sam made me think of it and I haven't been able to get it out of my head.” Seán just nodded and set up the TV to play the new post. Sam was trying desperately not to give it all away… why would they want to listen to their crap posts? Literally the last thing they posted about was a free form version of getting mugged… Sam paled a little more, what if Seán realized that's what it was? Sam was quickly startled out of their impending panic by the calming tones of their own voice, just deepened. Sam looked up to the screen, seeing the text roll along with their voice. Sam had never used a mixer to get their voice to do different thing; just like their twin, they were good at impressions. Sam had practiced for hours doing different voices to be able to do too many to count, not to mention the accents they had practiced as well. As soon as the words finished, Sam glanced up at Mark and Seán, both men were looking reflective, and it made Sam's heart flutter with the knowledge that they had formed such emotions in these men. 

“Wow, I wonder which one wrote that…” Seán pondered aloud, looking to Sam and Mark. Mark hummed. 

“Dunno, they seem to have at least one main person who does a lot of the writing I think. That sounds like their work, and their voice, so probably the main person.” Sam looked confused at the two before remembering that they both thought SICRhymes was a ‘group’ of YouTubers and not just Sam… Sam's attention was drawn away from thought again as Mark leaned over more. “Hey, Jack, put on that Icarus poem… I don't remember what it's called though…” Seán started looking through the list of works, but had only gotten a few videos in before Sam spoke. 

“It's ‘The Greatest Fall’…” Seán looked up in surprise. 

“Ye remember tha titles? But there are thousands of these…” Mark laughed. 

“If Sam was going to remember any of them, it would have to be the one about their middle name.” Seán laughed too, nodding some. 

“Aye, I guess yer right.” And then Seán was back to browsing. The three spend the rest of the evening listening to SICRhymes posts, including prose where Sam had done a variety of voices, ranging from a child of six to an old man in his eighties. By eleven o’clock, Seán was standing and stretching with a yawn. “Okay, I think it's time fer bed. Sam do ye need any help getting set up?” 

“No, I'll be okay, thanks for the offer though. Just gotta brush my teeth and I'll be set.” Seán nodded and waved the other two goodnight before heading off to bed. Mark stood and stretched as well. 

“Man, I'm not even tired yet… my sleep schedule is going to be so messed up.” He laughed a bit. “So, where are you sleeping?” He looked over at Sam, who had maneuvered themself into their chair. Sam gestured to the couch with a grandiose arm wave. 

“Ta da! My lovely bed.” Mark frowned. 

“You don't have an actual bed?” Sam just shook their head. 

“Don't worry about it, trust me I've had worse. Seán’s super comfy couch is like a god send. Now off to bed with you.” Mark reluctantly followed instructions and headed back to the guest room. Sam brushed their teeth and peeled their jeans (torturously slowly and difficultly) off before going back to lay down on the couch. Glasses off and curled under the blanket, Sam waited for sleep to take them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I'm a hypocrite and I'm sorry 
> 
> JOAT


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More panic and secrets revealed

Chapter 11

***

Mark was awoken from the light doze he had slipped into at… checking his phone confirmed, 3:17 in the morning. What had woken him up? Shoving his glasses onto his face, Mark strained to hear. It had sounded like a muffled shout and a sob, and then again, Mark heard sobbing. Pulling his sleep pants on, as well as grabbing a tank top quickly, Mark walked out of the guest room towards the sound. Sam was sitting up on the couch, blanket pooled around their lap as they cried; holding onto themself, Sam tried to stop shaking. 

“Sam? Are you okay?” Sam startled at the voice, not expecting Mark to be awake. The nightmare they had had had triggered another panic attack, waking them from sleep. 

“I… I'm okay… it… was just a-ah n-nightmare… s-sorry for w-waking you…” they mumbled out, trying to get their breathing back under control. Before you could blink Mark was across the room and sitting on the edge of the couch next to Sam, his hands coming up to gently hold Sam's upper arms. 

“Hey no, it's fine, but I need you to breathe for me, okay?” Sam nodded slightly, taking uneven, shaky breaths. “Good, good. Okay, now I want you to give me five things you can see.” Sam looked up at Mark, tears running down their face and eyes slightly wide with the onset panic. 

“H-hair…” Sam's eyes flashed to Mark’s brightly dyed hair before darting around the room. “Tv… t-table… rug… hall…” Mark smiled some. 

“Great, now I want four things you can feel.” 

“H-hands…” Mark’s hands had started rubbing up and down Sam's upper arms in a comforting manner. “Sh-shirt… blanket… c-couch…” Mark nodded. 

“Good. Okay, three things you can hear…” Sam looked back up to Mark. 

“V-voice… clock… rain…” 

“You're doing so good Sam. Okay, two things you can smell.” Sam took a deep breath in through their nose, their breathing calming down some. 

“Cologne… dinner…” Mark gave Sam's arms a light squeeze. 

“Almost done, you're doing such a great job. Okay Sam, now I need you to name one thing you can taste.” Sam looked back up at Mark, blinking, before looking around. Sam's breathing suddenly started picking back up. 

“T-taste… I… there's… I can't… I don't…” Mark’s smile vanished as Sam started to panic again. Without thinking, Mark’s left hand lifted to hold Sam's face in place and stop their constant swivel; he leaned in and kissed Sam, pressing their lips together gently. When Sam gasped into the kiss, Mark slid his tongue along their bottom lip until he felt Sam sigh into the kiss and press back. After a moment or two, Mark pulled back, looking down at a slightly dazed Sam. 

“One thing you can taste… me.” Mark said quietly. Sam just nodded. 

“You…” their voice was low and breathy. Mark smiled softly, thumb rubbing away the tears still on Sam's face. 

“You okay now?” Sam just nodded again, breathing calming down and panic subsiding. Sam blinked a few times, slowly coming back from their dazed state; when Sam saw how close Mark was, they gave a little ‘eep’ of surprise. After another moment, Sam realized something, and their hand slowly pressed against their mouth in shock, eyes staring up at Mark. 

“You kissed me…” Sam whispered, almost unbelieving. Mark blushed and darted his eyes away. 

“Sorry… I wasn't really thinking… I just needed to help and… well… that was probably pretty stupid of me.” Sam shook their head, still looking up at Mark, fingers resting just below their lips. 

“No, that's not it… I just… I can't believe that… of all the people… I would get my first kiss from you…” Mark’s head whipped around to stare in shock at Sam. 

“First… I stole your first kiss?” He sounded almost horrified with himself. Sam waved their hands back and forth in a placating manner. 

“No… I mean yeah… but I just mean… I never expected… I always wanted it to be you but I never even hoped…” Sam's face flushed red as Mark’s eyes grew wider. “Sorry… I just… I've… sorta had a crush on you for a while… since…” Sam had to look away, their face a deep crimson. “Probably since your amnesia videos… now I really do sound like a stalker, God what is wrong with me?” Sam mumbled the last part, but since Mark was so close, he heard every word. 

“There's nothing wrong with you…” he paused, looking at Sam with confusion and wonder on his face. “Sorry, I just… since my amnesia videos? That was… that's been almost five years…” Sam just nodded again, blushing more. 

“Yeah… and… thanks for helping with my panic attack… though technically, you would have helped anyway even if you weren't here.” Mark raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Huh? How can I help when I'm not here?” Sam gave a small laugh, their color slowly returning to normal and blatantly not mentioning how close Mark was sitting or that his hand was still on their arm, even if the other one had dropped away from their face. 

“I have a playlist on my YouTube that helps me through attacks, listening to calming things is a big help, so I have things of yours like the worlds quietest let's plays and Space is Cool… here…” Sam grabbed their laptop and opened it, loading YouTube quickly and going to their playlists. “Right here.” Sam pointed out where there were several Markiplier videos in the ‘panic’ playlist. Mark looked on in wonder until his eyes glanced up at the top corner of the screen… where he saw a very familiar YouTube logo. 

“Holy shit…” he breathed out, looking between the screen and Sam. Sam, who didn't realize why Mark was freaking, looked on in concern. 

“Mark?”

“You're SicRhymes...” Sam blinked before paling a bit. They swallowed the lump in their throat before giving a small nod. 

“Technically… it's S-I-C-Rhymes… those are my initials…” Mark just looked at Sam in disbelief. 

“I've been following your page for years… before I even started really doing anything… wait… how are you not like, super rich? You said Jack was paying for all your stuff…” Sam blinked in confusion. 

“Why would I be rich?” Instead of answering, Mark took Sam's computer and switched over to a live subscriber count for SICRhymes. The numbers were slowly growing as the time ticked away, but when Sam's eyes landed on them, their breathing stopped. “Th-thirty m-m-m-million?” Sam went very pale and started to shake some. 

“Woah, woah, breathe for me Sam.” Mark moved an arm around Sam's back, rubbing up and down. “You're okay…” Mark put the computer on the table and moved his other hand back to Sam's arm, giving them a half hug. “Keep breathing, that's right, good. You're alright…” they both heard footsteps coming down the hall; as they looked up, both could see Seán, in his pj pants, walk into the room. 

“What's going on out here? I keep hearing voices.”

“Sorry Jack, Sam had a panic attack and it woke me up… and did you know your twin is SICRhymes on YouTube?” Seán blinked in surprise, looking between the two and seeing Sam on the edge of panic. 

“Yer… but… that doesn't make sense…” Seán shook his head. “Don't worry about it now… why the panic attack this time?” Seán moved over to sit down on the other side of Sam, his hand joining Mark’s and rubbing up and down Sam's forearm. 

“I might have showed Sam their subscriber count… I don't think they monetize any of their work despite that they could since it's all original content. I had asked why they needed you to pay for stuff when they should be making more money than both of us put together.”

“How…” Sam's voice was quiet. “In the hell… do I have more subscribers… than the both of you put together?” Seán leaned into Sam's side, resting his head on their shoulder. 

“I guess ya don't realize how good yer writing is, or how popular yer channel is… but fer right now, ye need sleep. We can talk this over in the morning… preferably over coffee and breakfast...” Sam just nodded slowly, their head pressed against Seán’s. 

“Yeah… yeah sleep…” Mark looked between the twins and gave a little cough, causing them to look over at him. 

“Uh, not to worry you two or anything, but I don't think Sam should be sleeping out here alone… if it's okay with you, I think it would be better if you and I shared the guest room, that way someone's there if you start to have another panic attack… is that okay?” Sam looked to Seán for a moment before looking back to Mark and nodding. 

“Yeah… yeah that sounds like a good idea… thanks Mark.” Seán smiled a bit before standing. 

“Okay, I'll get yer bed stuff, anything you need specifically?” He asked, grabbing Sam's glasses right out. 

“Uhm, just the wheelchair and my blanket and pillow I guess…” Seán grabbed the bedding and went to grab the chair as well, tossing a look over his shoulder at Mark, who just nodded. Without a word, Mark picked Sam up, bridal style, and carried them back to the guest room. “Ah! Wh-what are you doing?!” Sam hissed out, trying to be quiet because they knew that Singe was asleep in the other room. 

“No point in putting you in the chair only to put you back in the bed, this is easier.” He replied calmly, though his hands were shaking a bit from nerves. “Now which side do you want?” He stood there, holding Sam in his arms and enjoying the feeling of Sam's body pressed against his. Seán rolled his eyes as he left the chair off to one side and put everything else down where it was supposed to go. 

“Night ya two, get some sleep.” Sam waved slightly with one hand, the other wrapped tightly around Mark’s neck. Mark nodded towards Seán in acknowledgment. 

“Night Jack…” 

“Uhm… Mark you can put me down… either side is fine…” Mark placed Sam down on the bed and helped them get situated with the covers before going around and getting in himself, depositing his own glasses on the night stand. They both laid there for a few moments before Mark shifted closer, slowly moving this arm up to gently lay across Sam's middle. 

“Is this okay?” His voice was quiet as he looked at Sam from his pillow. Sam just nodded slightly, pressing a bit closer, hands curled up against Mark’s chest. 

“Yeah… thanks… I think I really needed a cuddle…” Sam's smile was small and soft, but sweet and warm. The two smiled gently to one another before Mark leaned in and gave Sam a small, sweet kiss, which Sam eagerly returned. After he pulled back, the two closed their eyes and were soon asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHHHHH FIRST KISS?!?!?!?! FYI, this has brought me out of panic attacks/disassociation before, so real experience is good? XD Hope you guys are enjoying this so far, I've got another 12 chapters ready to publish but I'm sticking to the daily updates. Hopefully it'll be worth it and I'll have another one written before I post that in just under two weeks (I need the daily ones so I have more time to work on this because I'm also working on cosplay right now and it's eating up my time). Enjoy! Remember to comment and leave kudos! It only takes a second!
> 
> JOAT


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...SICRhymes?

Chapter 12

***

Sam woke slowly, feeling warm and safe. As they opened their eyes, they saw Mark, curled around them and holding them tightly. Sam blinked a few times in confusion… were they still asleep? Was this a dream? Mark gave out a light snore and pulled Sam closer, pressing his face into their hair; he mumbled in his sleep. Sam stared at the tan chest in front of them, squirming slightly before freezing, feeling Mark’s hips press against their side… and needless to say, Mark was probably having a good dream… Sam whimpered slightly, not sure what to do; part of them wanted to run away, but they couldn't get out of Mark’s grip. Another part of them, the one they were trying to ignore, wanted to press more against Mark and see where things went… but realistically, Sam knew that was a huge no-no. Not only had they only met yesterday, but Mark didn't even really know Sam… well okay, he had been listening to Sam's YouTube for years now, about as long as Sam had been watching Mark’s videos, but that didn't mean they actually knew each other. Sam might not have ever been in a relationship before, but they knew enough about them, especially considering all the stories they had written. 

“M-Mark…” Sam mumbled out, giving another little squirm. “It's… it's time to get up… I have to go make breakfast…” Mark gave a small, happy moan in his sleep and pressed closer to Sam before his eyes started to slowly open. 

“Hmm? What?” Mark looked pleasantly dazed, as if still half asleep. 

“It's… it's morning and I have to go make breakfast… but you're… sort of holding me hostage…” Mark blinked a few times before slightly pulling back, cheeks red. 

“Oh, sorry about that… it’s… it's just been a while since I've slept next to someone, you know? And you are… I mean… uhm…” Mark couldn't look at Sam as he spoke. “You're the perfect size to cuddle with…” he sounded embarrass as he slowly let Sam go to sit up, blushing harder when he realized probably why Sam was so nervous. “Shit… sorry… I'm just… uh, I'm gunna go shower…” Mark quickly grabbed a change of clothes and headed out of the room to get to the bathroom. Sam gave a small sigh before sitting up and scrubbing their face. 

“What have I gotten myself into?” They asked aloud before maneuvering over to get themself in their wheelchair. They would have to wash up after. As Sam rolled into the kitchen, they saw it was just past 8am, and figured Seán and Signe would be up soon. The first thing Sam did was take their pills. After, they quickly grabbed some ingredients and started whisking up some scratch pancakes, as well as frying some bacon in the oven. Sam also remembers to put the coffee pot on to brew and went about finishing the first set of pancakes. Just as everything was being put on the table, Seán and Singe walked into the kitchen, both in their pajamas, looking adorably rumpled and half asleep. Singe moaned at the aroma in the room, sitting herself down at the kitchen table. 

“This smells so good… I didn't know we bought pancake mix.” Singe said, reaching for a plate and some pancakes. Sam smiled, having set the table while the first ‘test’ ones were cooking. 

“I don't remember buying any…” Seán mumbled, beelining straight for the coffee pot. “And ye don't have ta keep making breakfast fer us Sam… ye’ll spoil us.” He smiled some, ruffling Sam’s hair as Sam swatted his hand away. 

“I will continue to make food as long as I am staying here. You can either eat it and stop complaining, or stop eating it. Your call. And there was no mix, not that I would have used it. They're from scratch.” Sam finished the last pancakes and put them on the table just as Mark walked in, wearing jeans and a Markiplier’s Heroes tee shirt, his hair looking slightly damp. Seán poured himself and Signe cups of coffee, offering a mug to Mark as he passed. 

“Pots full.” Mark nodded and grabbed his own cup. The four sat down to eat, Mark ending up sitting next to Sam, and they enjoyed the meal; Sam proceeded to blush every time someone would moan when they ate or complimented the taste. As everyone finished eating, Sam moved to grab the dishes but Signe waved them off. 

“You cooked, I’ll clean.” Sam gave a small nod and a smile in thanks. 

“Okay… now…” Seán started, looking over at Sam with determination. “When were ye going to tell me ye are SICRhymes?” Sam ducked their head a bit, frowning some. 

“I… well I don't know… I kinda figured you would figure it out eventually… but… you have to know; no one else knows… not even Spencer knows that I'm SICRhymes. I started the page to just put my stuff out there… I've been writing for as long as I can remember, and I mean… 15 books and all, so it's not like it's just something to try and get internet famous… in fact until Mark showed me my live sub count, I didn't know how many people I had following me… it wasn't about that… it was about me putting my emotions into words and just… sharing them. I kinda hoped that I could help someone going through the same stuff, but was too scared to ever check… so, I've sort of let the page run itself; I had no idea I had more followers than the both of you put together, or even that I was as close to PewDiePie’s numbers…” Sam was trembling where they sat, head down and eyes on their lap. Mark reached over and took up Sam's hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“Sam I'm not mad at you for not saying anything… I know the page has nothing on who runs it or who writes or who does the voices. I think it was just a surprise that you are part of something like that when I know you said before that Spencer is your only friend.” Sam looked up at Mark, eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

“Part of something?” Seán nodded, leaning his elbows on the table. 

“Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. How do ye have no friends when you work with so many people?” Signe had finished the dishes and come back to stand behind Seán, her hands on his shoulders. Sam just looked more confused as they spoke. 

“What are you guys talking about? I don't work with anyone…” the other three blinked in confusion now.

“But there's at least five or ten different people who read your stuff. I mean, just last night we listened to a short story with seven or eight different characters in it.” Mark said, his head tilting like a puppy and his hair hanging over his eyes. 

“Uh, you mean ‘Tempting The Fates’.” Mark and Seán both nodded. “No one did any… you guys are under the impression that I have a cast of voices, kind of like how Game Grumps has a cast of different members… but I don't. It's just me…” and suddenly Sam pitched their voice low, like the haggard drunk sailor from the story. “I do all the voices…” and again, Sam's voice jumped up at least four octaves to the young child. “I do impressions, have been for years…” and Sam's voice returned to normal, the calm tenor/alto. “That's why people said I should get into acting during college, because I could impersonate a person down to the very pitch in their voice and speech patterns. But I wasn't allowed to take acting classes.” Sam blushed when they realized the other three were staring at them slack jawed. “I uhm… don't really use my natural voice when reading, and every character has a different voice…” Sam's voice pitched a little lower, somewhere in a mid tenor that definitely sounded male. “This is the voice I usually use when reading or as the narrator…” and Sam's voice went back to normal. “So if anything, people would know me by that… but I don't talk like that normally, and I've never showed my face on camera before, so I guess I can get why you thought it was more than just me, but really, it's just me.” 

“That's amazing…” Signe whispered out, staring in shock. “You are so talented… I can't believe… that's… you're… wow…” Sam blushed some, ducking their head again. 

“Not really... I'm just… good at not being me…” Sam felt Mark squeeze their hand again, and they gave him a small smile in return. 

“Well,” Seán said suddenly, clapping his hands. “I think the first thing we need to do is go and monetize all yer videos. And maybe talk ta YouTube about seeing if ye can get some sort of back pay fer all the money they've made, I know that those videos of yer’s have ads… and probably go through those messages ye have on there… I know personally I've written ye before, as has Mark when ya wrote things about us. Sound like a plan?” He asked, smiling some. Sam just nodded, smiling back. 

“Yeah… and I have an idea for a new piece… I kinda wanted to type that up and maybe record it… oh man, I just thought of something…” Sam had paled slightly. “I'm going to have to do a face reveal and probably an actual vlog if I'm going to be in one of your vlogs…” Sam swallowed the sudden lump in their throat. “I guess the world is going to know that Sam Icarus Clarcson is SICRhymes… I should probably tell Spencer before I post that though…” Mark gave a laugh. 

“I'm sure he would appreciate that. Now come on, I'll help you go through those messages, your inbox is probably bursting at the seams.”


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monetizing

Chapter 13

***

Sam ended up working on YouTube literally all day; minus a break for lunch and one for dinner, they were practically glued to their computer. Sometime during that, Sam had called Spencer and broken the news to him about being SICRhymes, which he actually took surprisingly well… (“Oh I figured that out ages ago.” “Wait what? You knew?” “Of course I knew; we went to college together, I know you do different voices, not to mention your writing is the same between platforms.”) and he promised to see them soon. While Sam was busy with that, Signe mostly hung around, actually sitting on the couch with Sam on her own computer and working on commissions for a good portion of the day; Mark and Seán recorded a couple collaboration videos that they would each be putting up and linking back to one another. Sam had finally finished monetizing all of their videos, as well as sending a message to the people who ran YouTube about possibly getting something like back pay, writing a new piece and leaving it ready to record later when they had some piece and quiet. 

“You tired yet?” Mark asked from his seat on the chair, his phone in his hand. He had waited until Sam had stopped rapidly typing to ask. Sam blinked in surprise, looking up and noticing that it was well past one in the morning. 

“Shit, it got way later than I thought it would… and I still need to do a vlog for a face reveal.” Sam groaned and rubbed their face, they were pretty tired… “I guess I can do that in the morning… but I finally managed to email YouTube, monetize all my videos, and clear out my inbox… christ there were so many messages… I feel really bad about not replying to them now because some of them are literally six years old…” Sam closed their laptop and moved it to the coffee table, groaning. Mark gave a small smile and leaned over to put his hand on top of Sam's. 

“Hey, it's okay. I don't get the chance to reply to all of my messages either. Trust me, there's no way I could even if I tried. And you haven't been active in the community. What did you wanna call your community, by the way. So I know what to classify myself as.” He laughed, smiling more. Sam blushed, looking away. 

“Well… since everyone makes the mistake of pronouncing my initials as a word… I was kind of thinking of using the term ‘sic-o’s’… but I don't want anyone to take it wrong…” Mark just chuckled.

“I will be more than happy to call myself a ‘sic-o’. That's pretty clever.” Sam scratched the back of their neck, looking away. 

“Thanks… I never expected anything like this to happen… and I checked… people want me to come to conventions and be a speaker at colleges and stuff… I just… I don't know if I can…” Mark moved his hand, lacing his and Sam's fingers together and giving it a squeeze. 

“You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, you know that right?” Sam looked down at their interlaced fingers and blinked before looking back up at Mark. 

“Yeah… I know… thanks…” Sam gave a soft smile and squeezed Mark’s hand. “We should… get to bed…” Mark just nodded a bit, but didn't move, still leaning over the armrest of the chair towards Sam, holding their hand. After another few moments Sam made to pull their hand away, causing Mark to hold it tighter. “If you're not going to let go, that's fine, but I don't think you want to sleep in that chair…” Mark blinked before laughing some. He let go of Sam's hand and stood, quickly moving and scooping Sam up into his arms again. They squeaked and grabbed ahold of Mark tightly around the neck. “You have got to stop doing that!” Mark just laughed and carried Sam back to the guest room. He set Sam down on the edge of the bed gently before turning back around and heading back out. 

“Going to get your chair,” was all he said as he walked out. Sam sighed, pulling their glasses off of their face and putting them on the night stand. Sam started to maneuver themself under the covers when Mark came back in with Sam's wheelchair and parked it on the side of the bed. 

“Thanks… even if I barley ended up using it today… I really didn't expect YouTube to take that long.” Mark gave a small laugh before waving Sam off. 

“Trust me I understand. You all ready for bed?” Sam just nodded. They were in a pair of sleep shorts that they hadn't changed out of all day and an old teeshirt, so they figured it was fine. Mark grabbed his bed clothes and went to the bathroom to change, coming back in his Jake the Dog pj pants and a tank top. Sam looked up when Mark walked back in and smiled, slightly blushing. 

“You know, you can sleep however you're comfortable… I don't mind.” Mark was in the process of climbing into bed when Sam had said this, causing him to blush. 

“Uhm, well, I uhh… I usually…” he coughed. “I usually don't wear anything to bed… but this is fine… I'm not exactly at home right now anyway…” Sam's face went bright red and they ducked their head some. 

“Oh, okay… whatever you want to do… I mean I usually just sleep in my briefs so…” Mark had finished getting into bed next to Sam after plugging his phone in to charge. 

“Just briefs? What about…” Mark gestured towards Sam's chest, causing them to laugh. 

“Seán did the same thing. And I don't have any… medical procedure when I was sixteen… did you want to see? I really don't mind.” Mark bit his lip in thought for a moment before nodding. Sam laughed a bit and sat up, peeling their tee off. Marks eyes wandered over Sam's chest, instantly honing in on the scars along Sam's ribs and pecs. 

“Those look pretty bad…” Sam laid back down, tossing their shirt to the side and not bothering with it. 

“Yeah, I think when they did the actual surgery they messed up. My skin was raw and irritated for such a long time, and the scars never healed right. It's been ten years and they still look pretty screwed.” Mark absentmindedly brought a hand up, thumb running over Sam's side along the scars. Sam's eyes darted down to Mark’s hand before looking back up at him, smiling a bit. “You know, I don't think I realized how interested in my scars people would be… Seán did the same thing.” Mark blinked and drew his hand back when he realized what he was doing. 

“Sorry… I didn't mean to…” Sam just laughed, scooting closer to Mark so they could press up against his side. Sam sighed in relief as warmth enveloped them. 

“Don't worry about it… it felt kinda nice… scar tissue is the most sensitive type of skin after all…” Mark nodded slightly, before slowly bringing his arm back around Sam's waist, hand splayed out over their side and fingers gently caressing their scars. 

“Sam?” Mark asked after a little while, the lights turned out and the blanket pooled over their waist; Mark was still caressing Sam's scars and Sam was easily drifting off to sleep, drowsy but not asleep just yet.

“Mhmm?” Was their quiet response. Both of them had their heads on their own pillows, but they were cuddled close together. 

“Can… I kiss you again?” Mark’s voice was soft; he lifted his head some to get a better look at Sam. Sam blinked some, trying to wake up a bit more, but it has been such a long day full of crazy things, not to mention the lack of sleep they had been getting recently. 

“… I can't say no to you Mark…” and that's all Mark needed before he was pressing closer still, leaning in and kissing Sam, his mouth and chest pressed against theirs. Sam let their eyes close, leaning into the warmth of Mark and the wonderful feeling of being kissed and cared for. Sam and Mark soon both fell asleep in their new favorite way… kissing the other.


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely listeners... my name, is SICRhymes...

Chapter 14

***

Sam woke slowly, feeling fingers in their hair and fingers against the scars on their side. It felt… nice. Warm, comforting… safe. Slowly opening their eyes, Sam realized that they were laying on their side against Mark’s chest, one of their arms tucked up under themself and the other across Mark’s stomach. Mark was on his back, looking at the ceiling as he gently just held Sam, touching. When Sam shifted, Mark looked over and smiled. 

“Morning… sleep well?” Sam nodded some, pressing more against Mark’s side, fingers tightening in his tank top. 

“Best sleep I've ever had actually…” Sam frowned suddenly. “It's going to be hard when you leave… I can't believe you've only been here a few days and you have to go in a week and a half…” Mark gave a small frown too. 

“I know… but I'm here now…” Sam just nodded some, looking up at Mark before giggling. “What?” He asked, an eyebrow raised. 

“You have bed head…” Sam mumbled out between chuckles. Mark laughed some and ruffled Sam's hair a bit. 

“So do you… it suits you…” Sam laughed a bit more before cuddling up against Mark again, sighing into the wonderful feeling of his fingers against their skin. Sam slowly lost their smile as their thoughts began to wander. 

“This has all… happened so fast…” Mark nodded a bit, pressing a kiss against Sam's forehead. 

“I feel like one of those whirlwind romance novels my mom reads…” Sam gave a small laugh, but it was a bit forced. 

“Mark I… I don't think a romantic relationship would be good for us… at least not now… we don't even really know each other… I mean, I know Markiplier, but I don't know Mark…” he ended up nuzzling his nose against Sam, rolling onto his side to pull them closer. 

“And I know SICRhymes but not Sam… but I want to… I want to be friends, and get to know you… and I want to be able to do this…” Mark pulled his hand away from Sam’s scars, only to align it with their jaw, pulling Sam up so they could kiss softly. Sam melted into the action, eyes closing and feeling protected and safe. After they pulled back, both had dopey smiles on their faces and a blush on their cheeks. Sam pulled away first to sit up and grab their teeshirt from the pervious night, pulling it on. 

“We should probably get out of bed… I need to take my pills and make breakfast… and I could probably use a wash… not that I stink or anything, I haven't been really _doing_ anything, but it would be nice… just sucks I have to take a bath instead of a shower…” Mark stood and stretched, raising his arms over his head for a few moments to decompress his spine. 

“Yeah, I understand… do you need any help setting stuff up?” Sam maneuvered themself into their chair before nodding. 

“Yeah, just getting the tub set up. I can wash myself and even get in and out, but it's going to be difficult to stop up the tub and everything from my chair.” Mark gave a small hum of agreement before grabbing his glasses. Sam gathered the clothes they would need to change into, especially if they were going to do a face reveal, and put it all in their lap. 

“And don't worry about breakfast, I'll make it this morning, okay? You just wash up and relax.” Sam blushed a bit as Mark came to push them to the bathroom. 

“Okay, okay. Jeeze…” he laughed a bit, smiling. 

“Hey, I want to help as much as I can while I'm here. And I'm pretty sure Jack is going to baby you too. So get used to it.” Sam grumbled a bit as they went into the bathroom. Mark helped set the tub up to fill and left Sam to wash, closing the door behind him. While Sam was bathing, as quickly as possible, Mark put on coffee, got out Sam's pills, and started making eggs and toast for breakfast, figuring Seán and Signe would be out as soon as they smelled food. When Sam finally finished washing, drying, and getting dressed, they rolled out to the kitchen to see the other three sitting at the table. 

“Morning Sam, how're ye feeling today?” Seán asked as he sipped his coffee. Sam gave a small shrug as they went to take their pills. 

“Pretty good… kinda nervous about the face reveal though… speaking of, where should I record? I'm pretty sure my fans would recognize your recording studio, at least some of them would.” Seán nodded a bit. 

“We can set ye up with recording things in the guest room if ye like.” Sam nodded and finished taking their pills, then came over for some food. 

“This looks good, thanks Mark.” Sam smiled after taking some eggs and toast onto a plate. Mark blushed and scratched the back of his neck. 

“Hey no problem, I like cooking, believe it or not. Especially for my friends.” Seán was watching the two of them from behind his coffee cup when Signe elbowed him in the side. Seán snorted into his coffee, causing the other two to look up. 

“You okay bro?” Sam asked after swallowing a bite of eggs. 

“Aye, fine…” he coughed to cover it up. “Coffee went down the wrong pipe, that's all.” Mark nodded and continued eating while Sam looked over across the table at their twin. 

“Oh, okay, cause I could have sworn Signe jabbed you with her elbow because you were giving Mark ‘older brother protective eyes’.” Sam even did air quotes as they said this, but just nonchalantly went back to breakfast after. Both Seán and Mark blushed hotly and looked away, while Signe sniggered behind her mug. Sam finished about half their food before looking up at the other three. “I should probably be more active with my community, shouldn't I?” Mark blinked in surprise. 

“What brought this on?” He reached over and took up Sam's hand when he saw the concerned look on their face. 

“It's just… you guys are so active in yours, and I've never even talked to my community before… I kinda feel like I'm taking advantage of their time…” Sam looked down, frowning more. 

“Hey, ye do what ye want ta do, okay? Yer community has gotten on this long without ye, they can continue to. But, I'm sure they would like it if ye linked to yer other pages, like Tumblr or Twitter.”

“Yeah,” Singe added in. “I've seen a lot of people who have started writing and claimed it was because of you, so I'm sure they would love to get to know you, but you should only do what you're comfortable with. Okay?” Sam just nodded, going back to breakfast. The four finished their food and Sam headed back to the guest room, Seán following, to help set up somewhere to record. 

“Okay, ye have everything set up, Mark and I will be recording some stuff fer his channel today, so if ye need us, we’ll be in the studio, and Signe should be around if ye need help.” Sam smiled up at their twin and nodded. 

“Thanks Seán… I just have to write this out and then record and then edit… it shouldn't take me too long.” Seán ruffled Sam's hair, causing the younger twin to bat his hand away. 

“Ha, okay, okay. Have fun… and remember, ye’ll be great.” Sam gave a little wave and smile as Seán left the room, closing the door behind him. Sam grabbed their laptop and began to type. Once Sam was in the rhythm, the piece wrote itself pretty quickly, and Sam was ready to record before they knew it. Taking a deep breath and checking that everything was working and synced correctly, Sam started recording; just audio. 

“Hello all you lovely listeners out there…” Sam spoke in their stage voice, the deeper timber reverberating against their microphone. “Now, you may be wondering, why is there no work title? Like there is in every other video you've played from this channel. Well, that's because today, I'm going to introduce myself to you. That's right ladies, gentleman, and all other configuration of being. I, SICRhymes, will be doing a face reveal. It's come to my attention recently that there are a lot of you, and I mean a lot. And until I was forcibly shown my own sub count, I had no idea anyone even listened to me. So, my lovely listeners… this… is me…” and Sam stopped the audio. Taking another deep breath, they got ready… and started recording both audio and video. “Hi… I'm Sam, Sam Icarus Clarcson, I'm 26 years old, and I am SICRhymes. Now, I'm sure some of you are wondering right now, or you will be as soon as I finish planting this thought into your head, where is everyone else that works on the channel? Well… I am everyone. I am the writer, editor, and vocals for every video ever posted on the SICRhymes channel… and I'm sure I can read your mind one more time and guess you're thinking something along the lines of ‘but there's so many voice!’ And, well, you're right. But that's all me…” Sam voice suddenly dropped down to a character that had been in several short stories, an older man with a gruff, gravely voice that sounded of years of smoking. “I do voices and impersonations. But everyone of those voices you've heard…” Sam's voice switched again, to that of another reoccurring character, a seven year old girl. “They're all me. Every single one.” Sam's voice switched back to their stage voice. “Believe me now? Well, I guess I just wanted to let you guys know a bit about me. I was born in Ireland but grew up in the US, hence the lack of natural accent. My birthday is 7th of February, 1990, I'm bisexual, and gender neutral, so they or them for pronouns. Now, I'm probably not going to be doing any more of these vlogs, just for the fact that that's not what my channel is about; but don't be discouraged that you won't see me anymore. I'll be guesting in some other YouTube videos pretty soon, and I'll make sure to tweet out a link. Oh, speaking of tweeting; from now on in my descriptions, I'll have links to my Twitter, Tumblr, and DeviantArt accounts, so you guys can follow me on there as well if you want. And I'm sure a load of you are asking if you can meet me… well that's something we’ll have to see about, won't we? I've gotten some offers to talk and host panels at conventions and colleges so that might be something I'm doing in the future, but if it is, you'll hear about it on Tumblr and Twitter over here. This… this is my safe space. This is where I write and where I create. Now I'm not saying I don't do that for other platforms, such as some of my really old prose and poetry are on my DeviantArt, and some even on my Tumblr, but this is where I feel safest. I hope you feel safe here too. That's all the time I have for you today my lovely listeners, remember that a smile a day keeps the demons away… and thank you for being kind, caring, and supporting of me. Keep smiling, keep strong. If I can do it, I know you can too. This is SICRhymes, signing off.” And with that, Sam ended the recording, giving a little two fingered salute to the camera. Sighing and sitting back, Sam groaned, rubbing out the stiffness in their shoulders for a moment before sitting back up again. Now… it was time to edit.


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Bob and Wade, and time for a vlog

Chapter 15

***

Editing hadn't taken that long… rendering had. Sam didn't have the best editing software, so they had to wait for what felt like an eternity before it was done rendering and ready to upload. It usually didn't take that long, but Sam usually didn't… well Sam actually never upload video, so rendering it took a while. When Sam finally finished uploading, along with taking screen shots of their Twitter, Tumblr, and DeviantArt follower list to see the difference in numbers they would be getting in just 24 hours, they headed out of the guest room. Sam noticed the time, realizing it was getting late in the afternoon, and wondered if Seán had enough time to record the vlog with them in it before Spencer would be getting here. Sam smiled widely in excitement at being able to see their best friend again. When Sam finally made it to the living room, Signe was on the couch, working on art, and Seán and Mark were no where to be found. 

“They in the studio?” Sam asked, surprising Signe and causing her to jump. 

“Shit! Sam, you scared me!” Signe laughed, smiling some. “Yeah, they're still in there. I think they were playing prop hunt last time I checked, but I doubt they would mind you interrupting.” Sam just shrugged a bit. 

“I just figured I might as well do the vlog with Seán introducing me as his twin before Spencer shows up. His flight gets in in about an hour and then it'll take an hour and a half for him to get here, so by then it should be time for dinner and I was thinking we could go out.” Signe nodded, smiling. 

“That actually sounds wonderful. Go on and interrupt them, they won't mind.” Sam nodded before wheeling down to the studio. Knocking light, Sam waited for a few moments before the door opened. Mark was standing there, hair floofed beyond all measure and looking slightly irritated, but as soon as he saw Sam his face brightened up. 

“Hey, what's up?” Sam smiled a bit and laughed before pointing to Mark’s hair. 

“Well the floof for one… needed that extra power?” Mark blushed and tried to tame his hair to no use. Sam could hear Seán laughing in the background and Mark moved so Sam could come in. 

“What's going on Sam? Get yer recording done?” Sam nodded and wheeled closer, coming into frame of Seán’s webcam. 

“Yeah, got it posted too… I'm going to wait 24 hours and see what my follow rate is on my other pages just to see the difference… let's hope the Internet doesn't explode because of this…” Sam blushed when they finally looked at the screen and saw Wade and Bob looking in with raised eyebrows at Sam. Wade was the first to speak. 

“What are you two, twins or something?” Sam and Seán glanced at each other at the same time. 

“Actually, yeah…” Seán said, gesturing to Sam. “This is Sam, my twin. And I'm sure ye know Wade and Bob already.” Sam nodded and waved a bit. 

“Hi…” 

“Woah, seriously? I was joking!” Wade cut in, eyes darting back and forth between Seán and Sam. 

“Damn Jack, I didn't know you had a twin… brother? Sister? I'm sorry I really can't tell what gender you are…” Bob looked at Sam with brows drawn in. 

“Uhm… neither actually…” this just caused Bob to look more confused. Mark came up and stood behind Sam, placing his hands on their shoulders. 

“Guys, Sam is gender neutral. So they or them pronouns.” Bob nodded a bit while Wade looked between Sam and Mark now.

“Wait a minute… that's not Sam Clarcson, is it?” Sam blinked in surprise before looking back at Mark over their shoulder. 

“You told them about me?” Mark laughed and smiled some. 

“Of course I did. I talked to Jack about you too, but he had met you at PAX east as well, so I ended up talking to Bob and Wade about you.” Sam looked back to the monitor to see Bob and Wade staring at them. 

“So, wait…” Bob started to ask. “How long, I mean I know how long you've had a twin… but you've never mentioned one before.” Seán gave an eye roll to his friends. 

“It's complicated…” Wade laughed at that. 

“What, did Sam get kidnapped by a wicked witch at birth or something?” Sam flinched, grimacing, Seán’s face went dark, and Mark looked sympathetic, squeezing Sam’s shoulders again. “Woah, I was just kidding…” 

“Sorry…” Sam said, looking up to Wade. “Your guesses are just… hitting a little too close to home.” Both Bob and Wade stared in shock. 

“So…” Bob started, looking between the three people on one screen and Wade on the other before looking directly at Sam. “You were kidnapped? How does that even happen?” Sam gave a heavy sigh. 

“Psychotic woman who wants a nuclear family, can't have kids of her own, and has a nursing degree? Infiltrate the hospital, pick out weak babies who might not survive, fake a death certificate, and it's as simple as ‘no I'm sorry, the baby didn't make it through he night. Looks like SIDS. Sorry, you can't see the body, the doctor wants it quarantined just in case it was something else. Cremation will have to be the way. We will send you the ashes…’ and then move to a new location…” Bob and Wade looked pale and shocked as Sam explained. 

“Holy fuck…” Bob mumbled, looking between the beaten down look on Sam's face, to the concerned looks Seán and Mark were giving them. 

“You sound just like this youtuber I follow…” Wade finally said. “I mean, your story… it sounds a lot like one I just heard from them recently.” Sam winced again, but this time Mark and Seán chuckled. 

“It wouldn't happen to be from SICRhymes would it?” Mark asked. Wade just nodded dumbly as his friend guessed. 

“How the hell did you know that?” He asked. Sam just looked back up to Wade and waved. 

“Uh… hi. I'm SICRhymes… nice to meet you…” 

“No fucking way…” Sam just nodded. 

“I literally just posted a face reveal a little while ago…” Seán pulled out his phone, looking at it for a moment. 

“Less than half an hour… already has 2 million views and 150 thousand comments…” Sam's head snapped over to Seán, eyes wide. 

“Wh-what?” They sounded shocked and surprised. Mark had pulled out his phone as well and was looking at it. 

“Yup, it's gone viral. Already seeing gifs of you all over Tumblr and Twitter. Oh, just hit 3 million views…” Sam paled a bit, swallowing the lump in their throat. 

“Okay… okay… okay…” Seán quickly put his phone down and turned to Sam, grabbing their hand and squeezing. 

“Hey, yer alright, just breathe fer me…” Sam nodded slowly, taking deep, shaky breaths. 

“Are they okay?” Wade asked, Bob confirming his concern. 

“Yeah, Sam has pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks…” Mark answered, rubbing his hands along Sam's shoulders to try and calm them down. “But we’re here to help… you gunna be okay Sam?” Sam just nodded some. 

“All I wanted to do was record the vlog with Seán…” Seán looked but at Mark and gave him a look. Mark nodded and smiled some. 

“Well guys I think we're done for today. Thanks for being on so we could do this, my community has been asking for more prop hunt for a while.” Wade and Bob nodded. 

“No prob man,” Wade said, waving him off. “Glad to game with you. Give me a call sometime when you get the chance; okay?” Mark nodded and Wade disconnected. 

“Glad to see you guys again, keep in touch.” Bob said quickly before disconnecting as well. That just left Sam, Seán, and Mark. 

“Okay, you two record your vlog, I'm gunna go shower. What are we doing for dinner tonight too?” Sam looked up at Mark, finally getting their breathing under control. 

“Spencer should be here in like, two hours. I was thinking wait for him and then go into town or something?” Mark nodded. 

“Sounds good to me.” He gave the twins a small wave before leaving them in the recording studio alone. 

“Ye okay now?” Seán asked after a moment, giving Sam's hand a squeeze. Sam nodded. 

“Yeah… sorry about that… I just… I guess I didn't expect it to blow up like that…” Sam looked up at Seán with guilt on their face. Seán waved them off. 

“Don't worry about it. Now, let's get this vlog out of the way, I'll probably post it on Friday, that okay with ye?” Sam nodded. Seán went about setting everything up, making sure he had everything where he wanted it before they stared recording. 

“Should I sit off to the side until you introduce me?” Sam asked, moving their chair away from the recording set up. Seán thought about it for a moment. 

“Yeah, that would be good. Then it’s more like a big reveal. Ready?” Sam nodded. 

“Ready when you are.” Seán nodded as well and went and set everything up on his computer. 

“TOP AH THA MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE! And today, I have a very special vlog fer ye! I want ta start this off by saying, I know I've talked about my family before, like my ma and pa, and my older brothers and older sisters, but there's someone in my family I haven't really talked about… and that's my twin. Now, I'm sure yer wondering, ‘but Jack. You've never mentioned a twin before!’ And ye would be almost right. I have, in probably only one video that I've posted. My family thought they had died, and a long story later, it's been 26 years, but I've finally been reunited with my twin. We had a blood test and everything ta prove it. Now, without further ado, I’d like ye all ta meet, my twin… Sam.” Sam took their cue and rolled next to Seán, waving slightly. 

“Hi guys, I'm Sam Clarcson, and Seán here is my older twin brother.” Seán beamed proudly as Sam said this. 

“Now I'm sure some of ye might already know who Sam is, but just in case ya don't, Sam, why don't ye tell everyone out there who ye are.” Sam rolled their eyes. 

“I think what Seán wants me to say, is that as well as being his younger twin, I also run the YouTube page ‘SICRhymes’.” Seán beamed more. 

“That's right! So, if ye like stories or poetry or any type of writing, go check out Sam's page, I'll leave a link in the description below. I expect ye’ll be seeing a bit more of Sam in my videos since they're staying here with me, so be excited fer that! But that's about all I've got fer now. Thank you guy’s so much fer watching this episode. If you liked this video, PUNCH that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS! And! High fives all around! WHAPSH! WHAPSH! Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEO!” Seán finished his outtro, turning to Sam, who had high fived him when he turned to them and laughed. “I was not expecting that!” Sam just smiled and rolled their eyes before Seán turned and turned the recording off, leaving it for a post outtro clip. 

“That was good, and it shouldn't need too much editing…” Sam said, smiling some. Seán nodded and saved the work. 

“I'll edit it myself tomorrow and leave it fer Friday ta post. But I think I've done enough in here fer today… want to go veg and watch cartoons until yer friend shows up?” Sam nodded happily. 

“Spencer, his name is Spencer.” Seán laughed and pushed Sam out of the room. 

“Aye, aye, I've got it…”


	17. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer comes for a visit

Chapter 16

***

A while later there was a knock at the door. Sam sat up straighter in their seat on the couch, eyes widening and quickly reaching for their wheelchair. Seán waved Sam off before going to the door and opening it. Spencer stood there, a duffel over one shoulder and a backpack on. He blinked in surprise at seeing Seán standing there in front of him. Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat before giving a small laugh and wave. 

“Uhm… hi… I'm… I'm Spencer…” Spencer held out his free hand to shake but Seán didn't take it. 

“Okay, I'm gunna ask, since I don't know how ye would react, but how about a hug?” Seán opened both arms, smiling widely. Spencer looked like he was shaking but nodded a bit. Seán enveloped him into a tight hug. “Thank ye fer keeping Sam safe… thank ye fer helping them get home…” Spencer hugged Seán back before pulling away, tears in his eyes. 

“Oh, I think it finally just hit him that he's spending the weekend with his heroes… Seán bring him in so he can sit down.” Sam was watching over the back of the couch. Seán gave a laugh and lead Spencer inside, closing the door before leading him to sit next to Sam on the couch. “Hey bud, I missed you.” Sam hugged Spencer tightly, causing the man to slowly get his bearings back. 

“JackSepticEye hugged me…” Spencer mumbled out into the hug with Sam; they nodded and patted his back a bit. Sam was smiling when they pulled back, looking up at Spencer happily. 

“Did you want to actually get introduced to the other people in the room?” Spencer blinked and blushed, looking to see he was sitting next to Signe on the couch and Mark was standing by the kitchen archway; both were trying to hide smiles. 

“Uhm… hi, I'm Spencer… it's really nice to meet all of you guys… I've been a fan for years.” He rubbed the back of his neck some, giving a smile. 

“Ya know…” Mark said, moving from the doorway to the edge of the couch, leaning against the armrest next to Sam. “I think I feel kinda left out, I’m the only one here who doesn't have a name that starts with ‘S’.” Seán laughed. 

“What about stupid face? That a good enough name fer ya?” He had moved to mirror Mark’s pose, but next to Signe. Mark huffed and crossed his arms in annoyance, turning away from Seán. Sam just rolled their eyes and poked Mark in the side. 

“Stop being such a big baby…” Sam turned back to Spencer, giving him an amused smile. “They're like this all the time. Probably why so many people ship them together, they bicker like an old married couple.” Both men gave sounds of slight annoyance at that, causing Signe, Spencer, and Sam to all laugh. Sam just rolled their eyes at the two, shaking their head. “Anyway, we figured we would wait for you and then go get food in town… so we should put your stuff up and head out… did you rent a car?” Spencer nodded, standing to take his bags off and shove them under the coffee table. 

“Yeah, its outside… we should all fit too, but, I'm not sure if you want me to drive or…” Spencer looked to Signe first with a raised eyebrow. 

“Oh I don't mind driving, I have a better understanding of the area anyway…” Seán gave a little whine of upset. 

“Why didn't ye look at me ta ask if I would drive? I'm the one from Ireland after all…” Everyone looked up to the whining man. 

“Because you don't have a drivers license?” Spencer said like it was obvious… Seán blushed. 

“And technically, so am I…” Sam added in. Seán blushed harder. 

“I know… it woulda been nice to be asked though…” Mark snorted, covering his face with a hand to try and stop his giggles. Sam rolled their eyes but smiled as they reached for their chair. 

“Okay, okay. Now, food would be nice. I haven't eaten since this morning and I'm starving!” The other four agreed and got up to get ready, grabbing wallets and keys and coats. Sam ended up in their blue and red hoodie, their jeans from earlier, and oddly enough, one of Seán’s beanies. As they all loaded out of the apartment, Sam looked around at their friends and family… everyone was smiling and laughing, joking with each other. Spencer had easily meshed with the other three, and Seán, Signe, and Mark were very welcoming. Sam smiled almost wistfully, closing their eyes and leaning back into their chair (Mark was pushing them out to the lift) things… things were getting better…


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and disassociation

Chapter 17

***

The evening out was… interesting to say the least. Sam had expected Mark and Seán to get people recognizing them… they had no clue that they would be recognized first. 

“Oh my god it's SICRhymes…” someone had hissed out while the group of five was sitting at their table in the middle of their meal. They had ended up at a small, slightly secluded bistro that Seán had been going to for years. Sam blinked, having heard the voice and their head swiveled, looking for where it came from. 

“What's wrong?” Spencer asked quickly, sitting to Sam's left. He had noticed the head jerk and look of concern on Sam's face. 

“Someone recognized me… I just heard my Tag name…” the other three turned quickly and looked over at Sam. 

“Do you want to leave?” Mark asked, moving to give Sam's thigh a small squeeze under the table. He was sitting next to Sam on their right side. 

“No… I'll be okay… I just…” Sam took a deep breath before letting it out in a deep sigh. “It's something I'm going to have to get used to, isn't it?” Seán gave a rueful smile but nodded. 

“People around here are pretty good about it though, I usually get travelers more than anything wanting pictures and stuff, but we are all here ta help ye if ye need it.” Everyone else at the table nodded at Sam, and they gave back a small smile. 

“Thanks… hopefully they'll let us finish eating before mobbing the table…” Sam was pushing around their food with a fork, appetite lost. They did, in fact, get to finish dinner before people started coming over. Spencer had forced, with the help of Mark, Sam into finishing their food, and made sure they ate every bite. Spencer of all people knew what Sam was like when they stopped eating… and he did not want them going back down that road again. 

“Excuse me…” it was a pretty young voice, drawing the attention of the table to the side where a young, barley teen boy was standing next to his grandfather. “Yer… yer SICRhymes, yeah?” He looked nervous and excited at the same time. Sam looked to the kid for a moment, head to toe, before nodding slowly. 

“Uhm, yeah that's me… can I help you?” The boy suddenly smiled widely. He turned to his grandfather and tugged the elderly mans sleeve. 

“I told ye it was them grandda! I told ye!” He turned back to Sam, cheeks pink. “I'm a fan of yer channel… I uhm… it's thanks ta ya that I like writing and reading so much… it's hard cause of my dyslexia, but ye make it so fun… and uhm…” he bit his lip, looking down. Sam studied the boy for a moment, taking in how he was standing, and the slight tremble to his limbs. “I… I was…” his voice was quiet, but Sam didn't need to hear. Turning their chair around to face him better, Sam reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“Thank you for sharing…” Sam gave him a knowing smile. “Are you with someone safe now?” Sam gave a quick glance up to the grandfather, getting an even quicker nod. 

“Ye… grandda took me in… mum died when I was real little… and da used to…” his voice quavered and Sam pulled him into a hug. 

“Hey now; no tears. I get it… I'm so glad you're safe. And thank you for liking my stuff, it means a lot to me that I was able to help someone… I understand about the dyslexia too, I have it as well. It kinda makes writing and reading hard, but if you take your time you can get through it.” The boy hugged Sam back quickly before pulling back to look at them, tears in his eyes. 

“Thank ye… uhm… can I… get a picture? And an autograph? I hate ta be rude…” Sam gave a small laugh but nodded. 

“Don't worry about it… did you want one from my brother too? Or my other friend?” It was as if the boy hadn't noticed the other two famous YouTubers sitting at the table. He nodded quickly, cheeks flushing. “What's your name?” Sam asked, reaching into their pocket for a pen; they often kept one on them to jot down ideas when they struck. 

“Uhm… Shane…” 

“That’s S-H-A-N-E right?” Shane nodded, slightly bouncing on the balls of his feet. Sam looked over to Signe, smiling some. “Can I steal a piece of paper from your mini sketch book?” Signe blinked in surprise, not realizing Sam had seen her put her tiny sketch pad into her purse, before laughing and pulling it out to hand over. 

“No problem.” Sam smiled gratefully and flipped to a blank page, wiring at the top ‘To Shane, keep strong! I believe in you! SICRhymes’ followed by their actual signature and a quick little chibi of themself doing a peace sign. Sam handed over the sketch pad to Mark so he could sign as well. 

“Is your grandda going to take the picture?” Sam asked, moving to face full around. Shane nodded happily as his grandfather pulled out a phone to take the picture. They waited for Mark and Seán to finish signing as well, Seán also moving to the other side of the table to be on Sam's other side, Shane right in front of them all, before taking the picture. When they were finished, they gave Shane his autograph and he left with his grandfather, a wide smile on his face and tears in his eyes. Sam turned back to the table and everyone resumed their seats. 

“You did so great Sam.” Mark said, giving their hand a squeeze. He was smiling widely as Sam blushed. 

“Heh, thanks… but that was just one person… and a kid… kids are always easier to talk to…” Spencer rolled his eyes and gave Sam's arm a shove. 

“Sure it had nothing to do that he was like you? At least he found a safe space pretty early…” Sam nodded solemnly, a sad smile on their face. 

“Wait,” Seán piped in, blinking in surprise. “Ye mean he was… he had been… like ye?” Signe looked confused between them, brows knitting together. 

“What am I missing?” She asked, Mark gave a small sad smile, squeezing Sam's hand again. 

“Shane had been being abused by his father before he was taken in by his grandda…” Sam's voice was quiet as they said this, but Signe still gasped in surprise. 

“And… and you could tell that?” She asked in disbelief. Sam nodded a bit. 

“Yeah… the way he was standing and how he spoke… he got choked up when he even started to talk about his dad… as if he was scared… it still happens to me when I think about _her._ ” Sam spit the word like venom, frowning. Spencer frowned more, taking up Sam's other hand and squeezing it. Sam looked around at the table, giving a slightly forced smile. “I'm okay, really… we should pay and get out of here, before the mob swarms.” The other four gave a laugh but Sam wasn't joking, they could see several people already clustering together a ways away. The cheque was paid and they were all headed out to the rental car, Sam again being pushed by Mark, when the group from before had walked up. Sam paled when they saw at least ten to twenty people practically swarming them, paper and pens and phones in hands. 

“You're SICRhymes right? I'm such a big fan!” One of them said, which caused everyone else to follow along. 

“I can't believe I'm getting ta meet ya!”

“And Jacksepticeye and Markiplier too!”

“Yer my favorite youtuber!”

“Please, all my friends are gunna be so jealous when I get a picture with ye!” The comments rolled in, overlapping one another. Sam's eyes shifted around the group, face paling quickly. 

“Hold on now, give us a tick, there's only us and all of ye…” Seán stated, holding his hands up to try and get the group of people to keep their distance. Sam's eyes kept darting around the group, but without any focus. Their entire face just suddenly went lax of emotions, their shoulders drooping slightly. Spencer noticed immediately Sam's shift in posture and, despite the slightly rising panic in himself, he steeled his nerves and faced the crowd. 

“Okay, you all need to back the fuck up, right now!” His voice was loud and carried over the crowd, causing everyone to fall silent. The group of fans backed up slightly at the intimidating look Spencer was giving them. Spencer waited a moment to get his point across before quickly turning back to Sam and squatting down in front of them. His face showed nothing of his previous anger and only concern. “Hey… hey buddy, look at me…” the utter concern in Spencers voice caught the attention of their little group and Mark noticed the lack of emotion on Sam's face… he knew something was horribly wrong. 

“Okay that's it. All of you, I hate to do this to fans, but you have to leave. I'm sorry we can't give autographs or pictures right now but there is something seriously wrong with Sam and their health and safety come first, so please just go.” His voice carried over the group and the fans, with looks of concern and shame, dispersed. Spencer had put his hands on Sam's forearms, rubbing them up and down slowly. 

“Bud I need you to look at me…” Spencer’s voice sounded slightly scared and very worried as he looked up at Sam from his squatting position. Sam's head turned towards Spencer but their eyes were still unfocused; they didn't respond. “I need you to tell me what your name is…” Sam continued to look at Spencer but still didn't say anything. Seán was looking worriedly at the two, frowning deeply. 

“Wh-what's going on?” Signe asked, she was scared, she'd never seen Sam like this before. Signe pressed against Seán’s side, worry radiating off of her. 

“Sam… isn't here right now…” Spencer finally said, standing and patting down his pockets. “Fuck, where is it? Why can't I find my fucking phone when I need it?” Mark had walked back over to Sam, placing his hands on their shoulders; his thumbs gently rubbed against their skin. 

“What can we do? What do you need? What does Sam need?” He was frowning heavily… what the hell had happened?

“Sam is currently disassociating. They are literally not even mentally there right now… I can usually snap them back by playing their YouTube playlist, but I mean they will come back to themself eventually… but they've done it for two days straight before and I don't want that.” Spencer looked worried up at them. “Usually I can at least get Sam to say their name, but this time, no reaction at all… I just need to find my phone so I can…” Spencer stopped, looked between Seán and Mark, and then proceeded to face palm. “I'm so fucking stupid… you two need to talk…” Mark and Seán looked at each other confused before looking back to Spencer. 

“Uhh, what?” Seán asked smartly, an arm wrapped around Signe’s waist. 

“Sam's playlist, it's all videos with high energy of you guys, just listening to you guys helps get them back from nowhere, so start talking!” Mark blinked, but immediately understood. He walked around to kneel in front of Sam, hands going to their forearms and holding them as he started talking, about nothing, about everything. Seán, seeing what Mark was doing, finally understood and moved closer, talking as well to try and get Sam out of their own head. Signe moved back to watch, giving the others their space. Seán ended up standing to Sam's side, running his fingers through the hair that was poking out from under the hat Sam was wearing as he talked; Mark ended up gently rubbing his thumbs along their forearms. They both talked for five minutes straight with no change, except for Sam to twist their head back and forth between the two voices. 

“It's not working…” Signe said finally, tears in her eyes as she hugged herself. Spencer was frowning heavily, trying not to panic himself as he watched two of his heroes try to bring his best friend back… 

“There’s… something I wanna try…” Mark said, still only looking at Sam. “Just… don't be mad at Sam okay?” He glanced up at Seán for a moment. Seán raised his eyebrow in confusion and curiosity before nodding at Mark. Mark gave a nod back before he moved, leaning up and bringing one hand to cup Sam's face. “Sam? Can you look at me please?” Sam's head tilted in the hand, eyes moving towards the voice, but still really unseeing. “I hope this works…” Mark mumbled before leaning in and kissing Sam. There was a moment where everything was silent; Spencer, Seán, and Signe looking at the two in shock; then Sam blinked a few times, eyes coming back into focus, before closing and leaning into the kiss. It lasted only a few seconds after Sam leaned in; Mark pulled back to look at Sam. “You back?” He asked hopefully. Sam blinked their eyes open slowly, confused. They looked around at the worried, shocked faces of their friends and family before looking up at Mark. 

“Uhm… what… what happened?” Everyone gave a sigh of relief as soon as Sam spoke. Spencer moved over to stand next to Mark, reaching out and taking one of Sam's hands. 

“What do you remember?” He asked, looking his best friend over with concern. Sam blinked up at Spencer, eyes shifting to Seán and Signe, as well as Mark, before landing back on Spencer. 

“I disassociated… didn't I?”

“What do you remember?” Spencer repeated. Sam gave a sigh and bit their lip, looking off to the side to think. 

“We had dinner… that little boy Shane came up and got an autograph and picture… we paid the cheque and were leaving, and then there…” Sam stopped, frowning some. “There was a big group of fans… everyone kept talking at once… Seán said something but I… everything stopped… there was… someone was talking to me, and I could feel someone touching me… hands… on my forearms… and in my hair… and on my face… I don't know how long it lasted… and then there was…” Sam stopped again, blinking and blushing some. “Oh…” they mumbled, pressing their free hand against their mouth and shyly looking up at Mark…

“Well… if I had known that's all it took I would have kissed you right off the bat…” Spencer’s words shocked everyone, causing them to look at him. He gave a small smile and laugh, squeezing Sam's hand. “I'm just glad you're okay… that was probably the worst one I've ever seen…” Sam frowned in concern. 

“Worse than the overnight one?” Spencer just nodded and Sam frowned more. 

“At least with that one you could tell me your name… all I could get you to do was look at me, and I think that was because of the auditory reaction rather than you knew I was talking to you.” Sam grimaced some before looking sheepishly up at the other three. 

“I'm really sorry about that you guys…” they saw the look on everyone else's faces. “I really didn't mean to scare you like that…”

“That was the most terrifying thing I've ever witnessed…” Signe breathed out, pressed against Seán’s side again. “Everything about you stopped… it’s like… it's like it wasn't you anymore… what the hell was that?” Sam grimaced again. 

“I'll explain… but can we go home first? It's just… kind of complicated and I don't think we want to have this conversation in the parking lot…” everyone agreed and they piled back into the car and headed back to Seán’s apartment.


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A history of abuse...

Chapter 18

***

Everyone was both physically and emotionally exhausted when they got back so they all decided to get into pjs and chill out in the living room while Sam explained things. Sam was sitting on the couch, right in the middle, Spencer on one side and Mark on the other. Seán and Signe were in the chair, with Signe cuddled on Seán’s lap. 

“Okay, so… that was basically me disassociating… basically what it is is when something in my life is too stressful or I get really overwhelmed, I sort of shut down. Like…” Sam frowned trying to think of the right words. “Like I'm physically still there but my brain locks up. I can still talk sometimes, and even do basic tasks like cleaning or cooking, but I'm probably not going to remember much, if any, of the things that's going on. It's like I'm not part of my body anymore… it doesn't happen all that often, I'll actually usually have a panic attack before I disassociate, but when it does happen, it's pretty bad…” Sam looked over at their twin, hoping they got everything across right. 

“Okay… so it's like ye have a computer tower but take out all the parts that make it run?” Sam nodded a bit. 

“Something like that. Like, taking out the the graphics card, the computer will still run but you can't see anything.” Seán nodded slightly, resting his chin against Signe’s shoulder. Signe looked over at Sam, still slightly confused. 

“So why does this happen to you?” Sam frowned and Spencer was quick to take their hand. Mark, seeing this, did the same with Sam's other hand. 

“Disassociation happens to everyone… but it is more common, and more sever, to those who have high anxiety, high rates of panic… or are trauma survivors… I… fit into all three categories, as well as the sub categories in the trauma section… with physical, emotional, and psychological trauma…” Sam was looking down at their lap, how both hands were being held by two men who (quickly in Mark’s case) meant the world to them. Both Mark and Spencer squeezed Sam's hand, trying to give silent comfort. “I know Spencer knows about it, because he's gotten me through the episodes before, but do you guys have any questions?” Sam looked over to Mark first, who had a look of concentration on his face despite the fact that he was gently running his thumb across the back of Sam's hand. Sam turned and looked at Seán and Signe next to see if there was anything else they needed to know. 

“How long do they usually last?” Seán asked, his arms wrapped around Signe, holding her tightly and supporting her from just his touch. Sam looked up to think. 

“I'm not sure…”

“The longest was the one that was two days…” Spencer added in. “Shortest was probably about two or three minutes, and would have been shorter if I had been able to load their playlist sooner. Anywhere from ten to thirty minutes is normal, sometimes it takes a little while for them to get noticed, especially if it's not too bad and Sam will still reply to stuff, or if they're off on their own. Sometimes talking works, mostly hearing both of your voices helps,” Spencer looked at Seán and Mark as he said this, before looking back to Seán, who he was answering. “But I guess that kiss worked pretty well… usually I end up hugging Sam and rubbing their arms, the physical touch from me usually helps, and it's always gentle and soft… don't want to make things worse.” Seán nodded a bit, giving Signe an extra squeeze. 

“Because of the physical abuse? You never really talked to us about that…” Mark added, still gently rubbing his thumb along Sam's hand. Sam grimaced. 

“I don't… really like talking about it… _she_ hit me, it stopped mostly when I was old enough to hit back, or when I had CJ and Matty with me… strength in numbers and all that… I usually ended up trying to run away… I wasn’t allowed to get my hair cut when I was younger because _she_ would grab me by it to keep me still… cut it myself with scissors as often as I could… _she_ would corner me when I got older… when _she_ was extra drunk… and always threaten me that things would be worse if I struggled…” Sam didn't even notice the tears running down their face as they continued to speak. “I tried to fight back but I'm not exactly big… I just… tried to stay as safe as I could until _she_ was done…” Sam startled when Mark’s hand came to wipe their tears away. Blinking, they realized everyone else in the room was crying too. “I'm sorry… I… I didn’t mean to…” Sam began to shake, they could feel the sobs starting to form. 

“Shh, it's okay…” Mark whispered, pulling Sam against his side and hugging them gently, moving a hand to run his fingers through their hair softly. “I gotcha, you're okay… she can't hurt you anymore, I won't let it…” Sam sobbed, burying their face against Mark’s chest as they shook. Seán and Signe clung to each other, drawing support as they watched Sam sob, both crying themselves. Spencer wiped his own tears away, a look of deep sadness on his face as he looked to his best friend. 

“I think Sam needs to go to bed…” he said to the room. “I think we all do… it's been a very long day, and I think everyone just needs some alone time.” Seán rubbed his eyes, nodding some in agreement. 

“Yer probably right…” he sniffled. He felt awful that his twin had had to go through that and he couldn't even help… Signe stood from his lap, pulling him up as she wiped her own tears. 

“Come on sweetheart, let's go cuddle in bed.” Seán nodded and stood, looking at the other three. 

“Good night… try and get some rest.” Spencer gave a sad smile over to Seán before looking back at Mark and Sam. Mark was holding Sam close; one hand threaded through their hair, the other gently rubbing up and down their back in a soothing manner. 

“You better take Sam back to bed…” Spencer said quietly, catching Mark’s attention. Mark looked over Sam's head at Spencer and nodded. 

“Yeah… thank you for being such a great friend to Sam… they really needed a friend like you…” Spencer smiled softly, looking down to Sam, whose sobs had calmed down into little hiccups. 

“I needed a friend like them first… but that's a story for another time… get some sleep.” Mark nodded again, carefully picking Sam up in his arms. 

“Okay now, time for bed…” Mark mumbled, carrying Sam back to the guest room. He laid them down on their side of the bed before coming around to his side, removing his glasses, putting his phone on to charge, and laying down next to Sam. 

“’M sorry…” Sam muttered, curled up on their side facing Mark. 

“What for?” He asked, moving closer so they could cuddle and he could hold Sam against his chest. After a bit of maneuvering, they were in a better position with Sam on their side, head on Mark’s shoulder, and Mark on his back. Mark had one arm around Sam, hand going back to threading through their hair, the other across his stomach. Sam reached up and laced their fingers together against Mark’s stomach. 

“For everything… all the panic attacks, the anxiety, the disassociation, the crying… for me…” 

“Hey…” Mark interjected. “You don't need to apologize about those things… and you **never** have to apologize about yourself… there is **nothing** wrong with you, I promise.” Mark pressed a kiss against Sam's forehead. Sam slowly looked up at Mark, gratitude in their eyes. 

“Thank you for being so amazing… thank you for being so supportive and just, thank you for being you…” Sam pressed up, leaning in and kissing Mark. He returned the kiss, keeping it soft, sweet and slow. When they broke apart, Mark had a wide smile on his face. 

“I think that's the first time you kissed me first…” Sam blinked before blushing and ducking their head. 

“Ah… well I mean… I just…” Mark gave a small chuckle. 

“It's okay… I like when you kiss me… but I enjoy surprising you with kisses too…” Sam blushed harder but couldn't stop the smile from spreading on their face. “Get some sleep, okay?” He murmured, kissing Sam's forehead again. Sam nodded, looking up at Mark through their bangs for a moment before they both leaned in to share another small kiss. 

“Night…” Sam sounded like they were already falling asleep. 

“Night Sam… sweet dreams…” and before long, both were asleep in each other's arms.


	20. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some French, a massage, and impersonations with Robin and Felix

Chapter 19

***

Sam woke slowly, body aching all over. _‘I'm going to need to take some pain pills along with my normal stuff… those ones the doctor gave me are too strong though… maybe I have some ibuprofen in one of my bags…’_ it wasn't a surprise to Sam that they woke up in pain. When they would have days like yesterday, (highly emotionally draining, panic attacks, disassociation) their depression would really kick in and cause them to just ache all over, as well as feel pretty fatigued. Sam gave a sigh and then a start as they felt movement. Sam's face flushed quickly as they looked up from their spot against Mark’s side to see him staring down at them. 

“Well, good morning to you… you feeling any better? You slept forever.” Sam blinked and looked over to the bed side alarm clock, noticing it was… 

“It's past ten? Holy shit… Mark why didn't you wake me up?” They sat up quickly, nearly pitching over from lack of balance, but Mark was quick to pull Sam back from face planting off the bed. 

“Woah there… hey, you deserve to sleep in once in a while… besides, I actually just came back to bed. Jack came in around eight and neither of us wanted to wake you up, so we let you sleep. There's left overs from breakfast in the fridge for you, and Jack and Signe took Spencer to town to show him around a bit before Jack and I have to record today… he actually wanted to wait until you got up so you could possibly record with us, if you don't mind that is.” Sam blushed more but gave a small smile. 

“Thanks… that's really sweet of you guys… and I would love to record with you; just a game or something?” Sam reached up to flatten their bed head as they shifted on the bed to look at Mark better. 

“That or like, some form of trivia or something, I’m not sure what Jack had in mind.” Mark shrugged a bit but smiled. “Oh… and one more thing…” Sam blinked in confusion, raising an eyebrow. Mark smiled softly before leaning in, his arm wrapping around Sam's waist, pulling them close, and then kissing Sam. Sam gave a small moan, leaning into the kiss, their eyes closing and their hands moving up to wrap around Mark’s shoulders as they kissed him back. The kiss lasted for a few moments, and when the two pulled back for air, both were smiling softly at the other. 

“Now that…” Sam started, giving a small laugh and another small peck to Mark’s lips. “Was one hell of a good morning…” Mark laughed as well, rubbing his nose against Sam's before pulling back. Mark helped Sam get dressed and ready for the day before they both headed to the kitchen so Sam could take their pills and eat something. 

“What're you looking for?” Mark asked as they saw Sam rummaging through the container they had of all their pills in. 

“Some pain meds… the ones the doctor gave me are pretty heavy stuff and I don't wanna knock myself out for the rest of the day…” Mark frowned. 

“Is your back hurting you?” He asked in concern, moving over to rest his hands against Sam's shoulders. Sam shook their head. 

“Not any more than normal… just… days like yesterday leave me emotionally drained and achey all over… so I wanted to take something to help deal with that, but nothing like the narcotics the doctor prescribed.” Mark nodded and pulled back, moving to grab the left overs from the fridge for Sam while they finished finding and taking their pills. 

“Hey, as soon as you finish eating, what about a back massage? That might help some?” Sam had just finished heating up their food and was about to take a bite when Mark had made his suggestion. Sam nodded happily up at him. 

“Yeah that sounds great. I don't think I've ever gotten one before…” Sam looked up in thought while taking a bite of food and chewing. “Hmm… no not that I remember anyway…” Sam took another bite and smiled, giving a small sigh of enjoyment. “Who made breakfast?” Mark had grabbed another cup of coffee and was sitting next to Sam. 

“Signe beat us to it today, so it's her _soup d’jour._ ” Sam gave a small snort into their water, giggling. 

“Your French is terrible.” Mark gave a mach gasp, placing a hand against his chest. 

“ _Moi_? My French is amazing.” Sam laughed and gave him a shove. 

“ _Votre Français est terrible_.” Sam spoke with a nearly perfect French accent. Mark blinked in surprise at their response. 

“Oh, so now you speak French too?” Sam just smiled more. 

“ _Je parle un peu le français_.” Came their curt reply. Make just groaned. 

“I don't even know what you said beside ‘I’ and ‘French’.” Sam speared a bite of the sausage on their plate before holding it out to Mark for him to eat. 

“I said…” Mark raised an eyebrow at the offered food, but shrugged and ate the bite off of Sam's fork. “I speak a little French. I took two years of it in high school, along with a year of German, and two years of American Sign Language in college, not to mention all the Japanese I know from watching anime growing up, and the Korean from karate classes as a kid.” Mark looked impressed as he chewed his bite of food. 

“So you know Korean too?” Sam laughed as they took another bite, finishing the food on their plate. 

“Not really, I can count to ten. I know how to say hello formally and informally, as well as goodbye, and then how to say things like… front snap kick, or inside to outside block, actual techniques, things like that. Nothing like what Seán knows, hell, I know for a fact he can read Korean, where as I cannot.” Sam gathered their plate to put away but Mark was quick to take it and bring it to the sink. “Hey… I can do my own dishes…” Mark just suck his tongue out at Sam childishly as he quickly rinsed the plate and utensils off. 

“I'll finish this, you go lay down on the couch, on your stomach.” Sam raised an eyebrow but moved away from the table to follow instruction. After much struggling, Sam was able to get themself off their chair and onto the couch, and then to lay down on it on their stomach. They had their arms up under their head to pillow it as they looked to the side and waited. Sam sighed and closed their eyes, laying there for a moment and just enjoying the gentle sounds of Mark washing the dishes, the hum from the electronics, the light buzz from the air conditioning unit. It was almost enough to put Sam back to sleep. After a few moments, Sam called out. 

“I know you're staring at me Mark… I can hear you from here.” Mark made a sputtering noise from his posting by the kitchen archway. 

“I don't know what you're taking about… I was just… uhh… uhm…” he floundered and Sam laughed. Opening their eyes to look over at him. 

“Am I getting this massage or…?” They intoned. Mark’s face was still pink as he walked over to the couch to sit on the edge of it by Sam's hip. 

“Yeah, yeah… bring your arms down by your sides.” Sam moved, arms sliding down the edge of the couch to lay by their sides. They laid their head back down, turning their face to try and get a look at what Mark was doing. Before they could get a glimpse of him though, strong hands pressed into their shoulders, thumbs digging into the tendons along the back of their neck. Sam let out a surprised, but pleasure filled groan, eyes closing and body going limp against the couch. 

“Holy fuck…” their words were soft and breathy as they groaned again. Mark’s hands started working on the knots and kinks all along Sam's neck and shoulders first before slowly moving down over their shoulder blades. 

“You'll tell me if it starts to hurt, right? And I'm not going any lower than your shoulder blades, I don’t want to get too close to your stab wound…” Sam just hummed in approval, before moaning and becoming one with the couch even more. 

“Fuck Mark… you're so good with your hands…” Mark couldn't help the blush that spread across his face; he was very glad on the other hand to be sitting on the edge of the couch next to Sam's hip and not straddling the back of Sam's thighs… especially when Sam let out another lewd moan. “I think I've turned into jelly… the couch and I are one… even if I wasn't paralyzed, I don't think I would be able to walk after this…” Mark rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly as he continued to work out the knots and kinks in Sam's neck, shoulders and upper back. 

“Feeling better?” He asked after a bit; his hands were now gently running along Sam's back instead of digging into the muscles. 

“I can die happy… Markiplier gave me a back massage…” Mark chuckled but didn't stop the gentle ministrations of his hands along Sam's back. 

“I'm glad I could help… did you want to sit up?”

“Nu-uh. I'm too comfy. I'm going to live the rest of my life on this couch…” Mark laughed before looking up as the front door opened. Seán walked in, a few bags in his arms, with Signe and Spencer right behind him, also carrying some bags. 

“What's all this then?” Seán asked, moving to let the other two in so he could close the door. 

“The couch and I are one…” Sam stayed matter-of-factly. Seán blinked in confusion, looking to Mark for answers. 

“Sam was, and I use their word, achey, so I gave them a back massage. And now apparently they are going to live the rest of their life on the couch because they are too comfy to get up.” Spencer snorted into his hand, covering a smile. 

“I'm guessing,” Spencer started, putting his bags down on the coffee table. “Day after issues?” Sam just hummed in agreement. Their eyes were closed and they looked completely relaxed. Spencer smiled softly before sending a look of thanks towards Mark. 

“What did you guys get?” Mark asked, standing and stretching some. 

“Well we went into town and Spencer wanted some souvenirs for family back home, plus we got some more stuff Seán forgot at the store the other day.” Signe put her own bags down on the coffee table. Seán dropped his bags off onto the table as well before looking down to Sam. 

“Did Mark tell ye that we wanted to record something with ye today?” Sam groaned. 

“He did… I forgot… but I don't wanna move…” Sam whined, eyes opening and making a disgruntled face. The other four occupants of the room were slightly surprised how much Sam sounded just like Seán when he whined too. Seán gave a small smile and squatted down to ruffle Sam's hair some. He ended up running his fingers through their hair to tame it some. 

“Ye don't have ta, but I know Mark and I have ta get a load of recording done today since ma and pa are coming down tomorrow.” Sam sighed and closed their eyes for a moment. They could hear Signe and Spencer putting things away from the shopping, as well as Mark heading down the hall. 

“No. I wanna record with you guys… just… give me a minute to get up?” They opened their eyes again to look up at the smiling face of their twin. 

“Sure, I'll even help.” Sam returned the smile before groaning and slowly flipping themself over onto their back. Before they could even sit up, Seán had scooped Sam up in his arms, causing his twin to squawk out a shout and grab ahold of his shoulders. 

“What have I told you about doing that!” Sam shouted, whacking Seán on the arm as he deposited them into their wheelchair. Seán just laughed. He pushed Sam down towards the recording room, giving a quick ‘see you later’ to Signe and Spencer, before pushing Sam into the room. Mark was sitting in the spare office chair already, fiddling with some of the lighting. Mark looked up when the twins entered the room and gave them both a smile. 

“Okay. So what's on the agenda for today?” He asked while moving his chair over to make room for Sam to slide their wheel chair in between where Mark and Seán would be sitting. 

“I had a couple of ideas…” Seán started before Sam interrupted him. 

“Seán I can't see the monitors without my glass—“ Sam stopped mid word as Mark held up their glasses. 

“Looking for these?” He laughed before handing them over. Sam grumbled and shoved their glasses on their face while Seán laughed as well. 

“As I was saying, I have a couple of ideas, but wanted ta know what you two wanted ta do first. I have a few stupid flash games that are multi player we could do…” Seán moved to his computer and opened a file on his desktop as well as load Steam. 

“Uhm…” Sam fidgeted in their seat. “I don't mind what we play… but uh… can I do your intro?” Their cheeks were pink but they looked hopefully up at their brother. Seán smiled widely at Sam, but before he could answer, Mark cut in. 

“You think you do a good JackSepticEye impression? I'll have you know, I have been known to do the best JackSepticEye impression around… oh hey, that's what we could do first! Let's you and me have a JSE impression contest. Loser has to feature the winner on social media for a month.” Sam blinked in surprise at Mark. 

“Now hold on here… first off, who would be the judges? Just one isn't enough, and what's the point system? Like, one to ten? And for that matter, a month is a long time, what about a week? And bragging rights.” Seán laughed at Sam's rapid fire questions and Mark’s confused look. 

“Let's check whose online, yeah?” And he logged into Skype. “Got a few people who might be good ta do it… how about… we got Robin and Felix both online right now. I think they know my voice pretty well.” Mark nodded his approval. 

“Sounds good to me… and they can get introduced to Sam in the same instant.” Sam blushed some and ducked their head. 

“Ya gunna be okay with this Sami? I know people often freak out when meeting Felix.” Sam blushed more. 

“Actually… I'm… I’m more of a fan of Robin’s work than Felix’s… no offense to him, but I just don't really find his brand of humor funny… but I've watched most all of Robin’s animations.” Sam ducked their head and blushed harder at the surprised looks on Mark and Seán’s faces. 

“Really? That'll be a blow to Felix’s ego.” Mark laughed, but he was smiling. Seán chuckled too before sending both of his other friends a message over Skype asking for calls. 

“Oh… Seán can you ask Robin to do a face cam? The fans really like it when he's in your videos.” Seán laughed and typed the message. Before long, a three way call was ringing on Seán’s computer. He answered it, both Felix and Robin popping up on the screen. 

“Hello!” Robin smiled and waved, seeing the other guests. 

“What's up bro’s?” Felix looked between Seán, Mark, and the new person in Seán’s recording studio. “Whose the new bro?” Sam flushed and smiled nervously. 

“Uhm, hi. I'm Sam… I'm… uh… I'm Seán’s twin.” Sam spoke in their ‘narrator’ voice as they answered. The room went silent and Sam fidgeted in their seat a bit. 

“They're not lying either, we got tha blood test ta prove it.” Seán added in, moving a hand to squeeze Sam's in reassurance. 

“Woah bro, congrats! Uh… what's this got to do with us though?” Felix looked confused. 

“Oh nothing about that… we actually need your help with a video if you don't mind sparring like, ten minutes?” Mark cut in, leaning on the arm rest of his chair towards Sam. “Sam and I are gunna do a contest to see who can impersonate Jack better, and we needed an odd number of judges.” Felix just shrugged but smiled. 

“That sounds like fun. I know I've heard enough of his voice to know it pretty well.” Robin answered quickly. Seán made an annoyed noise. 

“You knew what you were signing up for…” the others laughed, the atmosphere lightening. Seán was quick to set everything up and counted down before his intro. “3, 2, 1! TOP AH THA MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE! And today, I have some super special guests with me! Everyone say hi!” There was a chorus of ‘hello’s’ and such before Seán started again. “So today, I invited Sam and Mark ta record with me, an Sam started off saying they wanted ta do my intro, quickly followed by Mark making it inta a competition and now we have myself, Robin, and Felix as judges, and Sam and Mark competing ta see who will hold tha title of ‘best JackSepticEye impersonation’.” 

“Okay, but, how will we score and judge?” Robin asked. 

“Glad you asked Robin.” Sam cut in. “Each of us will get a chance to do Seán’s intro and the judges will give us a score between one and ten. The judges will base their scores off of tempo, accent, decibel, and sound. The person who has the higher score at the end of the challenge will win, gaining the title, and the loser will have to feature the winner on social media for a week straight. Mark wanted to make it a month but I thought that would be kinda mean to make him feature my channel on his page for that long.” Felix burst out laughing at that, along with Robin and Seán snickering. 

“Oh, so you think you're gunna win? We’ll see about that!” Mark cut in, facing Sam with a determined look on his face. 

“Who goes first?” Felix managed to ask through his laugher. 

“Ladies first.” Sam swept their hand towards Mark, indicating that he begin. Mark’s cheeks flushed red but he turned back to the camera. 

“Okay, you guys ready?” There were three affirmatives from the judges and Mark took a deep breath. “TOP OF THA MORNING TO YA LDDIES!” He bellowed, sounding loud and pitchy, his voice jumping up at least half an octave. Sam flinched away from the noise but smiled. “No wait… I can do it better…” he said, before repeating Seán’s intro again… and a third time… and a fourth… each one sounded less like words and more like screeching. 

“Okay, okay. Enough turns.” Sam gave him a shove and Mark finally stopped. “Judges? Your scores?” Sam looked to Seán first. 

“Pretty sure I don't sound like that… but the loudness was there… I'll give ya a five out of ten.” Robin was next to answer. 

“I don't know; I think he sounded pretty like you. I'll give you a seven out of ten.” Every one looked to Felix. He had his hands pressed together under his nose and his eyes closed. He opened his eyes and pointed his hands towards his screen (towards Mark) before answering. 

“Six. You had some good points, but you also had some bad points.” Mark gave a shrug 

“So that's fourteen out of thirty. That's not too bad. Okay, your turn.” Mark looked to Sam. So did Seán, Robin, and Felix. Sam cleared their throat for a moment. 

“Okay… you ready?” They asked, looking at the others before clearing their throat one more time and taking a breath. The voice that followed, flowing from Sam's mouth, sounded EXACTLY like Seán. “TOP AH THA MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE! And welcome to another episode of… HAPPY WHEELS!” Sam paused, taking another breath, before going immediately into Seán’s outtro as well. “Thank you guy’s so much fer watching this episode. If you liked this video, PUNCH that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS! And! High fives all around! WHAPSH! WHAPSH! Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEO!” Sam took another breath and looked around. Everyone else literally had dropped jaws, staring at Sam. Felix, oddly enough, was the first to get his voice back. 

“One hundred points…” Sam laughed, smiling. 

“Felix you can't give me a hundred. You can only score up to ten…”

“Like fuck I can't, you get a million, no, a billion points. You win. There will never be anyone better. You sounded more like Jack than Jack does!” Sam blushed. Robin was quickly nodding. 

“Full score. You win. Hands down. Sorry Mark… but I mean, come on…” Mark was just numbly nodding along, staring at Sam. 

“You sounded just like me… that was… how did you do that?” Seán looked really surprised. Sam laughed. 

“Did you guys forget what I do on my YouTube channel?” Sam deepened their voice a little more and leaned into the microphone. “Hello lovely listeners, my name, is SICRhymes, and if you're just joining us, you've missed me completely do exactly what I do every day, which is impersonate people and do different voices, as well as absolutely embarrass Markiplier on my more than flawless JackSepticEye impersonation.” Sam leaned back away from the mic, sending a look at the other four. Mark still hadn't picked his jaw up, Robin was smiling in an amused way, Seán was staring at Sam in amazement, and Felix started to slow clap. 

“Okay, you win… now do me.” Sam stifled a laugh at Felix’s abrupt request. 

“Can we end the video first?” When no one objected, Sam looked to Seán to finish with his outtro, but he was just staring at Sam in amazement still. Sam gave a sigh. “Guess it's up to me.” Their voice switched back to the perfect imitation of Seán’s. “Thank you guy’s so much fer watching this episode. If you liked this video, PUNCH that like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS! And! High fives all around! WHAPSH! WHAPSH! Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEO!” Sam gave the camera a wave before turning to look at Mark and Seán again. “Uh oh, I think I broke them…” they laughed, smiling some, figuring that that would be a good place to end the video, even if it was still recording. 

“Okay…” Felix stated again. “Now do me.” Sam laughed and cleared their throat. 

“Hey bro’s, its PewDiePie. Bro fist!” Sam's voice was another perfect imitation of Felix’s. 

“Oh, me next!” Robin piped in, smiling. Sam laughed again and smiled. 

“Hello. I'm Robin, people on the inter webs call me pixel pit. I put up with Jack a lot, and he is loud. Welcome to the pit.” Robin clapped happily, smiling wider. 

“Wow! That's amazing!” Sam looked over to Mark and raised an eyebrow. 

“Did you want me to do your voice too?” Mark blinked slowly before nodding again. Sam cleared their throat again, moving a hand to press two fingers against the base of their throat, just above the junction of their collar bones. “Helloooooo everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome back to Five Nights At Freddy’s. And as always, I will see you in the next video. Buh-bye!” Mark’s jaw dropped again. 

“So… you can do all of our voices… and make us basically say anything you want?” Mark finally asked after a moment. Sam just shrugged a bit. 

“I mean I guess?” They glanced over at Mark and blinked, heat rising to their face when they saw the look in his eyes. Sam flushed harder when they realized what he was implying. “Stop that, you're horrible.” Robin laughed at the scandalized look on Sam's face, and Felix joined in as soon as Seán caught on and dove after Mark, who jumped from his seat to run away. 

“Ahhhh! Get away from me you crazy leprechaun!” He shouted as he ran out of the room. 

“Get back here ya filthy pervert! That's my twin!” Seán shouted as he chased Mark out of the room. Sam sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over their face. They looked back to the screen and saw both Robin and Felix grinning from ear to ear. 

“Well… I apologize on behalf of both of them… let me end this recording so Robin has less to worry about…” Sam quickly stopped the recording before leaning back in their seat. 

“Oh I'm keeping that footage.” Robin said, smiling. “Jack will probably not realize it's there and send it over to me to edit. I'll see about adding in your impersonations of us after the outtro too, sound okay?” Sam nodded some. 

“Yeah… and really, it's super awesome to meet both of you… I'm a subscriber on both of your channels…” Felix nodded. 

“Always nice to meet a fan. You said you did YouTube too, right? I have to admit I didn't even hear your username because I was still kinda shocked over the whole voice thing…” Sam blushed. 

“Ah… same…” Robin admitted, blushing some. Sam laughed and smiled. 

“I wouldn't be surprised if you've never heard of me. I go by SICRhymes on YouTube and…” Sam stopped at the shocked faces of Felix and Robin. “… you guys follow me, don't you?” They both nodded. Sam sighed. “Guessing you didn't watch my newest video yet.” They both shook their heads. “Yeah I figured… I never looked at my sub count before, Mark finally showed me when he figured out I was SICRhymes. So… I had no clue I had as many subscribers as I did. I literally spent an entire day going through and monetizing all of my videos since they're all original content and emailed the people at YouTube about getting some form of back pay since they've been showing ads on my stuff and I haven't seen anything from it… I had no clue I had more subs than both Mark and Seán put together, let alone that anyone even listened to my stuff… well when Seán wanted to introduce me to his fans, I figured I had to do a face reveal on my own channel, so that was my one and only vlog. I'll appear in other people's videos, but my channel is literally just for my writing…” Sam blushed as they realized they were rambling, suddenly stopping and looking down at their lap. 

“Holy shit bro… I'm like, a super fan, this is awesome!” Felix exclaimed, bouncing in his seat. He looked like a five year old full of sugar who was told Christmas came early. “I can't even… and you're Jack’s twin… that's so crazy… this is awesome bro!” Sam blushed harder at Felix’s praise, but they were smiling. 

“I love your work.” Robin added. “I've wanted to make some animations based off of your stuff, but I didn't know what you looked like, obviously, and I wasn't sure on some of the characters… hey maybe you could send me some sketches or pictures of your characters and I can do some animations for your channel?” Sam fidgeted some. 

“I don't mind sending you pics, or even you making the animations, but I won't post them on my channel…” Sam quickly waved their hands in a placating manor as they saw Robin’s face fall. “Not because I don't like them, I love your animations! I just… that's not what my channel is about… you know? But I'll totally go back and link to them if you make them in the original content. Okay?” Robin smiled again and nodded. 

“Yeah that's fine. I can just post them to my channel.” Sam nodded quickly. 

“That would be awesome!” 

“So bro,” Felix leaned back in his chair. “Would you do videos with me too?” Sam nodded. 

“Yeah, it would be fun. I wanna do videos with as many of my YouTube heroes as I can. But for now, I should go. I gotta make sure my bro didn't kill Mark. I guess I'll see you all later?” Sam gave a small wave as the two Swedes said goodbye and disconnected the call. Sam sighed heavily once the Skype call ended, sinking into their seat. “God… what have I gotten myself into?” They asked aloud. “Whatever it turns out to be… I guess I'm in it deep…” and with another deep sigh, Sam turned to exit the recording room.


	21. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...

Chapter 20

***

Sam found Signe in the living room on her computer, Spencer was on the couch with YouTube on, and Mark was lying on the floor in the hall with Seán sitting on top of him. Mark had his arms up over his head as Seán continued to play hit him. 

“Yer supposed ta be my best friend, and ya go right off and flirt with my twin in front of everyone ya pervert! Keep yer mind outta the gutter!” Seán shouted. 

“Ow! Okay ow! I get it, I get it, you can stop hitting me Jack!” Mark whined, squirming from his position on the floor. Sam had rolled out to the hall and groaned, pulling their glasses off and rubbing their face. 

“How is it that I'm younger than both of you, and yet have more maturity than the two of you put together?” Sam asked, looking at the two men on the floor. Signe had looked up from her computer and Spencer was leaning over the back of the couch with a smile on his face. Seán and Mark looked up at Sam with guilt written all over their faces. “Okay listen… Mark, that was a pretty dirty thought, especially in front of people I don't really know, as well as my brother, and while we were recording. Seán, I am an adult, just like you, and if I want to flirt with someone I am allowed to. I don't need you to go all big brother protective on me, I get that enough from Spencer (the man made a grumbling noise from the couch) and he's a year younger than me. I appreciate the sentiment, but you have to trust me that after everything I've been through, if I'm in a situation that I'm uncomfortable in, I'll find a way out of it, or ask for help. Okay?” Sam smiled softly at the ashamed looks the two men were wearing. “Guys come on… Seán, I love you, you're my brother, and Mark, you have been my rock for half a decade, even if you didn't know it. I care about you guys probably more than you’ll know, but you gotta give me time to get used to this all, okay? My life has literally gone 180 in less than a month…” Sam stopped, slowly blinking and pressing a hand over their heart. “My life has really done a complete 180…” 

“Sam?” Spencer asked, moving to stand from the couch. Sam had started to shake, fingers trembling against their shirt as they closed their fist against the material of their teeshirt. Mark and Seán were quick to scramble off the floor to move over to Sam. 

“Sami?” Seán asked, voice laced with worry. “Sami what's wrong?” 

“This isn't… this isn't real… it can't be… I wouldn't…” Sam started to hyperventilate, starting to shake. Sam’s eyes unfocused as they gripped their shirt tighter, their other hand dropping their glasses and quickly fisting their hair and tugging so hard it looked like it hurt. “It's not real… it's not… this couldn't happen to me… there's… no… no…”

“Sam, stop, you'll hurt yourself…” Mark tried to untangle Sam's hand from their hair, his face, along with the other, were covered with shock. 

“Wh-what's happening?” Signe stuttered out; she had closed her computer and was shaking herself, worried over what she didn't understand what was happening. 

“Fuck…” Spencer dove off the couch and boldly moved Seán and Mark out of the way. “Sam, she's not here… she can't hurt you any more. This is real. I promise. I'm here, Mark and Signe are here. Seán is here. Your twin is here… come on snap out of it…” Sam was still shaking despite Spencer’s hands rubbing their upper arms. He sighed heavily and stood up, walking into the kitchen. Seán immediately moved to wrap an arm over Sam's shoulders in a half hug. Mark was still trying to get Sam to let go of their hair. Both YouTubers were murmuring soft, calming things to Sam to try and get them to calm down. After a moment, Spencer came back out with a small bottle in his hands. “Okay, stand back…” the other two men moved back, still looking horribly worried. Mark didn't move far, but Seán moved over to stand next to Signe, wrapping her up in his arms. Spencer uncorked the bottle he had directly under Sam's nose, causing them to flinch and blink rapidly. 

“Holy fuck what died?” They looked around confused for a moment before flushing. “Oh god not again… guys I'm so sorry…” Mark moved back over to pull Sam's hand out of their hair before holding it tightly. 

“What happened?” His voice was still thick with concern. 

“I just… everything has changed so much… it's all just… it's just too good to be true…” Sam sounded defeated, like they didn't even deserve any of the happiness they were getting. Mark kissed Sam's hand gently, giving it a squeeze. 

“Listen, you deserve to be happy. From what you've told us, and from what you've written on your channel, you've been through so much pain and suffering. You deserve to be happy, you've paid whatever cosmic BS you needed to and it's your time to be happy, I promise.” Sam gave him a watery smile, squeezing his hand back. 

“I'm sorry…” they looked over to Seán and Signe. “God Signe I'm so sorry… I know every time you see me like this it scares you and I don't mean to do it… I…” Sam looked down to their lap, frowning more. “I think I need to start back on my heavier meds… and probably see a doctor out here…”

“I don't think you need the meds.” Spencer cut in, having walked away to put the smelling salts back in the box with Sam's medication. “I do think you need to go back to a therapist though.” Sam gave a small nod, squeezing Mark’s hand. 

“Sorry… I just…”

“You don't have to apologize Sam…” it was Signe who spoke up. She moved forward out of Seán’s arms and ended up squatting down in front of Sam, her hands resting against Sam's knees. “You should never have to apologize over this. And yes it scares me when this happens to you, but it's because I don't know how to help… I just want you to be safe and happy, okay? We are here for you.” Sam nodded slowly, tears in their eye. 

“Thank you…” Signe smiled softly up at Sam, patting their leg. 

“You look like you need a lay down…” Sam groaned, laughing some and rubbing their eyes with their free hand (their other was still being held by Mark). 

“I slept enough last night… thanks though.” Sam turned to look at Seán and Mark. “Don't you two need to record more?” Seán gave a small nod. 

“If ye want to record some more with us, I would like that, but I don't expect ya to. Ye should probably spend some time with Spencer while he's here.” Spencer smiled widely at this. 

“Hey, I got years of Sam, I'm willing to share. And I'm pretty sure that once I pass the bar exam, I'll have more time to actually come visit. I have a firm all lined up to work for, a friend of my family, so I can get time off pretty easily if I really want it, you guys go record. It'll give me time to catch up on some videos I've been behind on, if Signe doesn't mind me stealing the tv again.” Signe just shook her head with a laugh, smiling some. She moved and slowly gave Sam a hug, Sam easily returned it this time tightly, having expected it. After breaking apart, she went to give Seán a hug and kiss as well. Spencer came over and hugged Sam as well, pressing a kiss into their hair. The two then moved back to the living room and let the three YouTubers go back to the studio, Mark never letting go of Sam’s hand, and Seán keeping very close to his twin.


	22. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food network, syfy, and a confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!! I didn't expect really anyone to read this and so many people have and have liked it and I just... wow. Thank you. Also, shout out to QueenGeekRose for being the driving force for me getting off my butt and publishing. Thank you ❤️ I'm glad you're feeling better. Here's another chapter! 
> 
> Just a reminder too! I will be posting the last chapter for daily updates on Friday! After that it'll be weekly updates on Friday's! Don't forget to comment and leave a kudo!
> 
> JOAT

Chapter 21

***

The remainder of the day was spent recording, until about dinner time. When the three YouTubers called it quits, they called in an order of take away from a Thai place Seán liked and all huddled in the living room to sit with the TV on. 

“What are we watching?” Mark asked, digging into his shrimp Kao Pad with a set of chop sticks. 

“Dunno,” Seán started, mixing the noodles of his chicken Pad Thai to make sure all the peanuts were distributed evenly through the dish. “Anything ye all want ta watch?” He looked around and noticed Spencer blushing some. “Spencer?” He asked with a knowing look. Spencer blushed a bit darker. 

“Okay well… there's a new episode of ‘Bakers vs Fakers’ that I missed… and if you guys let me stream to your TV I kinda wanted to watch it…” Signe, Seán and Mark looked confused but Sam was nodding happily. 

“Oh man I'm like, a month behind… I'm behind on ‘Chopped’ and ‘Cooks vs Cons’ too. But with everything that was going on, I didn't have time to sit down and watch any of it. That's not even including anything that's not on Food Network. I'm like a month behind on ‘Face Off’ as well.”

“Uhhh…” Mark sounded confused. “What?” Sam blinked from their seat (they had ended up staying in their chair because of space) and looked at Mark, who was next to them on the edge of the couch. Sam blushed some and ducked their head a bit. 

“Sorry… the first three we mentioned are competitive cooking shows. ‘Cooks vs Cons’ is two professional cooks versus two amateur cooks, but the judges don't know who is who. Same with ‘Bakers vs Fakers’ but obviously with bakers. Anyway, it's two rounds, and if a professional wins they get 10k, and if an armature wins they get 15k. With ‘Chopped’ its four cooks of about the same degree, same kind of thing, but with three rounds, an appetizer, entree, and desert, and the winner gets 10k, but the thing is, each round they are given a mystery box with four items that have to be used in the meal. And ‘Face Off’ is a competition for makeup and special effect artists. They get a challenge and a theme and have three days to complete a full design and make it stage ready.” Sam explained, looking between Mark, Seán, and Signe as they did so. 

“Those sound really cool.” Signe said, leaning into Seán’s side. “I like the sound of ‘Face Off’ can we watch that after the episode of ‘Bakers vs Fakers’ Spencer wants to watch?” Sam smiled and looked over to Spencer. 

“You gave the Syfy app, right?” Spencer nodded and synced up to the TV, loading the episode he had missed and started to play it. The five settled in for the show. When it finished, along with the food, they started off with the first episode of the newest season of ‘Face Off’ quickly followed by the second, and the third. When that had ended, Sam announced it was time for bed. 

“But I wanna watch the next one…” Seán whined. The show had been more addictive and entertaining than he thought it would be, and he wanted to see the following weeks episode. 

“It will have to wait; we all have to get to bed. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure ma and pa will be here by eight and I did want to get some sleep tonight.” Everyone else looked at the clock, noticing it was well after one in the morning. Seán cringed. 

“Okay, yer right… off to bed. What time are ye getting up?” He asked as he stood, stretching. Everyone else stood to stretch as well, Sam reaching their arms up above their head and arching their back. 

“Uhh, if I sleep to my alarm, seven. So probably expect me up at six, starting to make a huge breakfast, as well as setting up prep for lunch and dinner. They're staying until late but going back home tomorrow night, so I figured a nice meal to send them off with would be good.” Seán just gave a nod before everyone split for bed, tossing out ‘good night’s here and there. Mark ended up pushing Sam down the hall towards the bathroom so they could both brush their teeth and wash their faces. They completed these tasks in amiable silence; it was very domestic. After they finished, they headed back to the guest room and changed for bed (Mark to his boxers, and Sam to their briefs; with Mark’s help) and both climbed in bed and put their glasses up. Mark made sure to plug in his phone and Sam made sure to set the alarm clock for seven am. They were both cuddled up together, drifting to sleep, when Mark finally spoke. 

“So… how long have you been able to impersonate my voice?” His brown eyes stared into Sam's blue, causing the younger to blush some. 

“Probably almost five years… again, your voice is very soothing when you're not yelling…” Mark chuckled at that, gently kissing Sam on the lips, resting their foreheads together. 

“Did you ever tell yourself things in my voice? Like I was talking to you?” Sam averted their eyes, biting their lip some. “Hey, I won't judge…” Mark moved a hand to cup Sam's face, rubbing his thumb along their cheek. “Tell me…” Sam sighed and looked back up to him. 

“I would… you would tell me I… that I was stronger then I felt. That I was brave. That I was smart. That I…” Sam looked away again, not being able to face the growing look of sadness in Mark’s eyes. “That I wasn't worthless… that I mattered… I would… I would record it and play it back, that way it sounded like it was coming from you… instead of me saying it…” Mark slowly brought Sam in for another kiss, making this one last a little longer. 

“Oh Sam, you are worth more than the worlds weight in gold… you are so smart, and talented, and brave. You are so, so strong. I'm so proud and so honored to be able to just know you, and I'm so happy I'm getting to know you more.” He pulled Sam in, holding them tight against his chest. “You are very quickly becoming one of the most important people in my life, and I would be devastated if anything happened to you… I'm already not happy as it is about you being temporarily paralyzed. But I know you'll get better, and I'll get to see you walking again…” he kissed their forehead, pressing gentle kisses into their hair with each compliment. “You are so kind and caring, you are wonderful, and you are so breath takingly gorgeous that I find myself just in awe at being in your presence. I'm so lucky to know you… thank you for being strong.” Mark kissed Sam's forehead again before pulling away to look at them. Sam was shaking, tears running down their face as they gave a watery smile up to Mark. 

“That's so much more th-than I ever said to m-myself…” Mark wiped away their tears before giving them another quick kiss. 

“And so much less than what you deserve… now get some sleep. Okay?” Sam just nodded and cuddled closer to Mark; both falling asleep quickly with smiles on their faces.


	23. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good morning; time to cook

Chapter 22

***

Sam was mildly surprised when they woke up that they had slept as long as they did… the alarm clock on the bed side table read 5:32 a.m. Sam had known they probably wouldn't sleep very long, but almost four hours was much more than they thought they would get. Sam felt movement and looked to the side; there laid Mark, on his back, with an arm over his eyes and snoring lightly. His brightly dyed hair was puffed in all directions and the sheet was scrunched low on his hips. Sam gave a wistful sigh as they let their eyes look over him for a moment. The part that caught their attention the most was the scar along his lower abdomen from the emergency surgery… Sam frowned slightly, remembering getting the notification of the vlog Mark had posted when he had been rushed to the hospital and the subsequent medical issues that followed… Sam tried to shake the bad memories away, moving to look back at Mark’s face. It just wasn’t fair… he really was ridiculously attractive… how did Sam even stand a chance to be in his league? They gave another small sigh before maneuvering out of Mark’s arm (his arm that wasn't over his face was wrapped around Sam) without waking him and sitting up. They tried to not think about the more than likely (at least in their mind) possibility that this whole thing between them and Mark was just a temporary thing while he was here… Sam shook their head and got into their chair, grabbing clothes to change into for the day, remembering to turn off the alarm clock since they were already up, and leaving the guest room. 

“Okay…” Sam mumbled to themself as they made it to the bathroom to change. “This… I can do this…” Sam first brushed their teeth and washed their face and hair in the sink, then pulled on a clean shirt before slowly, awkwardly maneuvering into a new pair of briefs and jeans. By the time they finished getting dressed, it was just past six, and they stowed their dirty briefs back in the guest room. Sam then proceeded to wheel out into the kitchen, making sure to be very quiet since Spencer was asleep on the couch, and only turned on the light they would need to see by, before gathering ingredients and starting to prep for the meals they had planned. 

By the time seven rolled around, and the others were barley rolling out of bed, Sam had completely prepped dinner, was half way through finishing prep for lunch, and breakfast was in the oven. The whole apartment smelt of fresh baked cinnamon rolls, buttered croissants, bacon, sausage, eggs and coffee. Spencer was the first into the kitchen, probably because he was the closest. 

“How in the seven layers of hell did you get all of this done while I was asleep in the other room?” His short hair was sticking up at odd angles and his clothes look sleep rumpled, even his glasses were sitting crooked on his face. Sam snorted and covered their mouth to hide the giggles. “What are you laughing at?” 

“You. You look like you got dragged in by the dog.” Sam laughed at the annoyed expression on Spencer’s face; he just scowled more and fixed his glasses. 

“Ha ha, very funny. Now can I have some coffee or not?” Sam just rolled their eyes and waved a hand towards the coffee pot before going back to finish prepping lunch. Signe and Seán were the next to enter, both looking adorably sleep rumpled and hair perfectly fluffy. Sam hid a giggle again. Spencer, who was leaning against the counter and finishing his first cup of coffee, chuckled as well. 

“Did we miss the joke?” Signe asked, pulling her robe tighter around her frame. 

“Your hair is all messed up, it's cute.” Sam smiled at them. Signe blushed and tried to flatten her hair, Seán on the other hand made a bee line for the coffee pot. 

“Ma and pa have seen worse…” he mumbled out while pouring himself a mug. 

“I just want to know how you managed to get your beard hair to stick out funny like the rest of your hair.” Sam asked as they finished prep and moved to wash their hands in the sink. Seán blinked comically as he pressed a hand against his face, feeling his goatee and realizing it was sticking up funny. 

“I guess I need a trim…” the other three laughed, but everyone smiled. A few minutes later, after Seán and Signe had both gotten a cup of coffee and Spencer was on his second, Mark came stumbling out, wearing sleep pants and a tank top. 

“Two things… one, it smells amazing in here, and two, when did you get up? I didn't even feel you leave the bed.” He looked a little less sleep rumpled than the others, but his hair was extra fluffy this morning. Sam blushed at the question, scratching behind their ear. 

“Uhm, thanks… and a while ago… I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I figured I might as well start on food…” Mark nodded a bit, moving to get his own coffee and wake up properly. Spencer shot Sam a look they were all too familiar with. 

“You avoided saying an actual time…” he stated, and the other three people in the kitchen turned to look at Sam as well. Sam ducked their head a bit more. 

“5:30, okay?” Spencer frowned at Sam's reply, but Mark looked alarmed. 

“But you didn't fall asleep until at least two, possibly later… I think I was out before you…” he sounded worried. Sam avoided the stares they were getting by checking the food in the oven. 

“Listen… I'm fine okay? This is not the first time I've run off of like three hours of sleep, and I slept forever yesterday, so it's no big deal…” they still wouldn't look at anyone, busying themself with taking the cinnamon rolls, croissants, and frittata out of the oven to cool. The other four shared a look before Seán moved over and gently placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. 

“We get it, yer okay, but we worry. Not like we can help it… I just want ye ta be happy and healthy, and eating right and getting enough sleep is part of that, okay?” Sam sighed, slumping in their seat. 

“Yeah, I understand. Sorry… I just… I'm used to weird hours and missing meals because I had to be…” Seán blinked before his eyes widened in realization. 

“Did… oh Sami, I'm sorry…” he hugged his twin, folding them up into his arms. Sam leaned heavily against Seán’s chest. The other three let the twins have a moment before Signe pulled Seán away from Sam. 

“We can talk about this later, okay? But for now, I think most of us should get dressed before your parents show up.” Seán moved back away from Sam and nodded. The four left the kitchen to get presentable while Sam went about setting the table and the food up. It was nearing eight and Sam needed a distraction to take their mind off of the nerves of meeting their actual parents…


	24. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Ma and Pa McLoughlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another huge thank you for everyone who left a kudo or comment! 
> 
> ALSO! THIS IS A REMINDER! THIS IS THE LAST DAILY UPDATE! UPDATES WILL NOW BE ON FRIDAY'S!
> 
> That is all. Enjoy!
> 
> JOAT

Chapter 23

***

8:05 on the dot there was a knock on the door; Sam was sweating. What if they didn't like Sam? What if they—Sam's beginning stages of panic were cut off as Seán opened the door and Mary and Pat came into the apartment. Mark and Spencer were standing back with Sam, a hand on each shoulder to give moral support. Seán was quickly enveloped into a hug by his mother, as was Signe, and same with his father. Sam tried not to shake. 

“I'm so glad ye made it up safe,” Seán was saying, leading his parents into the kitchen where Sam and the other two were waiting. When Mary first caught sight of her youngest child, tears sprung to her eyes. 

“Look at my little babby, all grown up now…” she moved in towards Sam but Seán stopped her, leaning in to whisper something in his mothers ear. Mary nodded, a look of utter sadness crossing her face, before she looked back to Sam again. “Is it okay if I hug ye?” Sam blinked and swallowed the lump in their throat before slowly nodding. Mark and Spencer moved to the living room to give the McLoughlin family some space. Mary smiled and slowly moved before enveloping Sam in a hug. Sam shook and froze for a moment, before fiercely hugging her back. 

“Ma…” they sobbed out, tears spilling down their face as they hugged Mary. 

“Oh my sweet little Sami… I'm so happy yer okay… I love you my angel.” Mary's words were soft and sweet, only causing Sam to cry harder and cling tighter to their mother. This… this was what they had been missing all their life… this feeling of love and acceptance… it was overwhelming. Sam could hear Mary talking… but they couldn't understand what she was saying. After a moment, they realized it was because Mary was speaking Irish and not English anymore. After a straight two minutes, Mary pulled back, smiling down at her youngest with a wide smile on her face and tears on her cheeks. Pat moved closer, giving a hesitant smile. 

“Do I get one too?” He asked cautiously. Sam just nodded, letting out another sob as their father enveloped them into a hug. Pat murmured small assurances to Sam as he pet their hair; Sam just cried more. Seán and Signe stood off to the side, watching. Seán had tears in his eyes as well, his arms wrapped tightly around Signe as they both smiled. 

“W-we should e-e-eat b-br-breakfast…” Sam managed to mumble out when Pat moved away. They rubbed their face clean with their sleeve, smiling up at everyone else. And just like that, the tension was broken. Spencer was introduced to the McLoughlin’s and Mark said hello, having met them over Skype before, before everyone crowded around the kitchen table. As food was passed around, the occupants of the table complimented Sam on their amazing cooking. 

“I swear, if you weren't already such a talented writer and vocalist, I would tell you you should go into some form of cooking.” Mark said, nabbing a third croissant from the basked and taking a huge bite, smiling around his food. Sam blushed some and ducked their head, rubbing the back of their neck in nervousness. 

“I'm not that good… trust me, I just know how to make a couple of things, plus I used to watch food network all the time when I had to clean. You learn a lot of stuff from just watching them.” Mary shook her head from her spot across the table. 

“No, ye have a talent here… but what's this about writing and things?” Sam blushed more, but Seán answered for them. 

“Ye’ll never believe it ma, but Sam does YouTube just like Mark and I do. They write all their own stuff and read it in different voices. They can practically inmate anyone.” Sam gave a small shrug. 

“Well… I haven't found anyone I haven't been able to do… some have taken me longer to get the hang of, but I can usually do whoever’s voice after only a couple of listens to what they sound like and how they talk.” Mary and Pat looked over intrigued. 

“So, could ye do my voice?” Pat asked. Sam looked at Pat for a moment. 

“Before I do, you need to say ‘the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.’” Pat blinked in confusion before compiling 

“Tha quick brown fox jumped over tha lazy dog?” It ended up coming out more of a question by the time he was done saying it, but Sam nodded a bit. They cleared their throat quietly before perfectly imitating Pat’s voice.

“Is there somethin’ specific ye want me ta say?” Sam asked with Pat’s voice. Mary gasped and Pat’s jaw dropped. 

“No way…” Pat mumbled out. “That’s incredible! Ye have major talent there Sam.” Sam blushed and reverted back to their own voice. 

“I've just gotten a lot of practice…” they scratched behind their ear, looking down at their food. 

“No, he's right ya know. I couldn't do that if I practiced fer the next decade.” Mary added, smiling at her youngest. Sam blushed a bit harder before suddenly looking to their lap; Mark’s hand was suddenly resting on their thigh, his thumb rubbing along the seam of their jeans in a comforting manner. When Sam looked back up to Mark, he was smiling softly at them. Sam returned the smile before looking back up to the room. 

“Sorry… I'm just not… used to people actually supporting me… so it's still kinda hard to accept everything.” Pat and Mary nodded sadly from across the table, while Seán, who was sitting on Sam’s other side, rested his arm over his twins shoulders. 

“Ye’ll get there. We all are here fer ya, okay?” Sam nodded and smiled some more. Clearing their throat, Sam looked back to the group. 

“So, what are we doing today besides food? I’ve got lunch and dinner both prepped so they’re taken care of… did we want to do anything specific?” 

“Well,” Mary, who had finished her food and pushed her plate away, spoke first. “That depends on what ye want ta do. Yer pa and I want ta learn as much about ye as we can while we’re here. Jack said ye do YouTube like him, so maybe we can see some of yer stuff?” Sam’s face went red as they looked back to their plate, absentmindedly playing with their food. 

“Uhm, I mean… if you really want to, I don’t mind… I’m just not sure you’ll like it… some of the things I’ve written would be good indicators to my past… but I never really went into detail… it just…” they grimaced more, hands starting to shake some. “It got too heavy for me to even go into, let alone put out to the Internet…” Sam could feel Mark and Seán’s hands tighten in their resting spots and they subconsciously leaned into the comfort of both men. When Sam looked back up to Mary, she had tears in her eyes. 

“Whatever ye want ta do today is fine with us, I just want time with my baby.” Pat nodded and smiled at Sam, a reassuring look on his face. Sam gave a hesitant smile back. 

“I don’t.. really know what to do… I mean…” their smile faded some, eyes glancing down before looking back up. These two wonderful people were their family, their parents… Swallowing the lump in their throat, Sam continued. “I didn’t have much free time at home before… all of this…” they waved their hand around to indicate their past and before moving to Ireland. “I was busy making sure Matty was okay at home since he was four years younger than me, and cooking and cleaning and genuinely just… making everything as close to perfect as I could. CJ would help too when he was home…” Sam swallowed again, feeling Seán’s arm tighten around them and leaning into their side. Mark had brought his hand up from Sam’s thigh and held their hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “Things, things didn’t get too bad until I was nineteen and Helen started drinking in excess… she was always worried that dad…” Sam stopped again, already shaking. They looked up at Pat specifically, because who would want to hear their child call someone else dad?

“He sounded good ta ya… I know ye grew up thinking he was yer dad, and ye can keep calling him that if ye want, okay?” Sam just nodded, not realizing they were crying. 

“Thank you pa… I just… he was my dad… but she was never my mom…” Seán squeezed Sam tighter, resting his head against the side of theirs. 

“Sam you don’t need to keep going if it’s too much…” Spencer cut in; he had abandoned his food when Sam started talking about their past. He had seen all of this happen… Spencer had met Sam right after they had turned nineteen, and right before they had lost their dad. He had been there through everything, and he knew how hard it was going to be to be able to get everything out there. Sam looked over to Spencer, giving him a watery smile. 

“Thanks… but… they deserve to know too…” Sam looked back to Mary and Pat, leaning back in their chair before taking a breath. “Everything started… when my dad died…”


	25. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, here's the first weekly update! I'm actually out of state for the weekend because it was just my birthday! (16 Aug) So I'm at a convention this weekend and will be back to the normal schedule next week. Hopefully I can get a little writing done this weekend but if not next week. Thanks so much for the comments and kudos people!
> 
> JOAT

Chapter 24

***

The rest of the day was spent talking, snacking, eating the food Sam had prepared that morning, and genuinely just getting to know one another. Mary and Pat had 26 years to catch up on for their youngest child, and while Sam knew some stuff about their ma and pa through Seán’s videos, there was still so much they didn’t know. The evening was finishing, everyone sitting around the table after dinner was completed, and Mary and Pat would have to leave soon to head home, but they really didn’t want to. 

“I feel like I don’t even know ye still.” Mary complained slightly, reaching across the table to give Sam’s hand a squeeze. Sam gave a small smile to their ma before squeezing her hand back. 

“It’ll take time… but we have all the time in the world now…” Sam’s smile grew as they saw the smile on Mary’s face grow in kind. 

“That we do,” Pat added in. “Now, before we leave, yer ma an I have some things fer ye.” Sam blinked in surprised. 

“Things for me? What are you talking about?” Pat and Mary both laughed before standing from the table and heading out to the living room. Sam looked at the dishes still on the table, guilt across their face. Before they could get too far into their own head Mark was pulling Sam out from the table and handing them off to Seán. 

“Hurry up before they try and do the dishes… you guys go have a little family time, the three of us will get the dishes done and stay in here to play some cards until your parents are ready to leave.” Seán gave a small salute to Mark before pushing a slightly complaining Sam out into the living room to park them between the couch and arm chair. He proceeded to take the unoccupied chair and plop himself into it, Mary and Pat sitting on the couch. 

“Now…” Mary started, pulling up a large bag that Sam hadn’t noticed being brought into the apartment. “Yer father and I have kept these fer years… some might still be useful though, so whatever ye want ta keep is fine, the rest we’ll get rid of for ye.” Sam still looked confused until Mary pulled out a stack of letters, drawings, and the first wrapped present. Sam’s eyes widened and filled with tears. 

“Are… are those presents for me? From… from all the time I…” Sam’s voice cut off with a choked sob, tears slipping down their cheeks as they began to shake. 

“Hey, yer alright…” Seán was there in an instant, squeezing Sam’s hand tightly. Sam just nodded and reached a shaky hand out for the letters. 

“They’re from mostly yer ma and I… though I know Jackaboy here wrote you some too, and the others… just ‘cause ye weren’t physically there with us, didn’t mean we forgot about ye.” Pat smiled as Sam began to leaf through the letters, some in better handwriting than others, as well as drawings done by Seán at a young age of himself and his twin. Sam tried very hard not to cry on anything, wanting to keep it all pristine. Each letter was read and sorted, every picture looked at, and when Sam finally got to actual unwrapping of presents they knew they wouldn’t be able to stop crying any time soon. 

“Y-you d-d-didn’t have t-to do th-this for m-m-me…” they stuttered out, trying not to sob as they clutched the first present their parents had ever bought for them; a stuffed bear with a bright purple bow wrapped around its neck. Apparently Seán had gotten one too when he was born, with a green bow, that he still had tucked away for safe keeping. Mary and Pat just smiled sadly at Sam. 

“Aye, we did. Yer our baby, even if we thought we lost ye, there was no way we weren’t goin’ ta give ye something…” Pat said, holding Mary’s hand. Mary was crying as well as she watched her youngest open present after present, saved from birthdays and Christmases past. “We stopped fer a bit, but it was actually Jack who convinced us ta keep gettin’ ye things, even if they were small or just another letter… he’s been writing ye a letter every year on yer birthday since he was ‘bout six.” Sam looked in shock over to Seán, his face heating up and red cheeks clashing like Christmas with his hair. 

“I was gunna wait ta tell ye… and just give them all to ye on our birthday this year…” he fidgeted in his seat for a moment before standing and walking down the hall to his bedroom. After a bit, he came back, a binder in his hand. He held it out to a still weeping Sam, who took it gingerly. 

“S-Seán…” Sam’s voice was quiet as they flipped through the binder with trembling fingers. There were twenty letters total, one each year since he was six, that grew longer the older he got. Each one was in a clear plastic sleeve to protect it and laid out with tabs in the binder to keep organized. It was a bit odd, had been the entire time, when their family had written down their birth name, but despite that it was touching. Sam didn’t know what to do besides cry some more. After everything was read and presents were opened and there was nothing left for Sam to open or look at they sat in their chair, shaking slightly. Seán moved to Sam’s side and hugged them tightly. 

“Yer okay Sami… jus’ let it all out…” he shushed Sam as he rubbed a hand along their back. Sam pressed their face into Seán’s shoulder and sobbed, muttering apologies when they could get the breath for it, as well as gratitude. After about five minutes of this, where Mary and Pat came to rub Sam’s back as well, Sam finally calmed down enough to look up at their family. 

“You… you don’t understand how much this means to m-me… th-thank you so much… I’m.. I’m keeping everything…” they smiled up at their parents and their twin as the three older McLoughlin's moved back to give Sam space to breathe. Sam looked absolutely beat after the emotional strain of the day, causing Mary and Pat to smile while Sam stifled a yawn. 

“We’ll see ye when we have tha get tagether with yer other siblings, but ye need rest now. We love ye Sami.” Mary leaned over and kissed Sam’s forehead before standing to leave. Pat repeated the gesture before standing to leave too. Seán quickly got the other three occupants from the kitchen so everyone could say good bye. Before they knew it, Mary and Pat had left and Sam was sagging in their seat, exhaustion settling in their system. 

“You doing okay there Sam?” Mark had walked over behind Sam after seeing the McLoughlin’s out and placed his hands on Sam’s shoulders, gently rubbing his thumbs into the back of their neck. Sam gave a small appreciative groan and closed their eyes, leaning back more against Mark’s hands. 

“Just… pretty worn out from today… I’ve been up forever and I think I’m emotionally drained… but I’m kinda proud of myself…” they leaned their head back and looked up at Mark upside down. “I didn’t have a panic attack once today; so I count that as a win… but I think I am kinda dehydrated…” Mark gave a small smile back to Sam as he continued to give a small massage to their neck and shoulders. 

“We are all proud of you for a day free of panic… now, why don’t we get you some water and get you to bed…” Mark’s voice was soft as he responded. Spencer appeared in their field of vision, holding a bottle of water. 

“Here… figure you’d need this… get some sleep Sam…” Spencer smiled at his best friend, happy to see them happy, finally. Sam sheepishly took the water and sipped on it before looking back at the others. 

“I think I can stay up long enough… to watch one more episode of ‘Face Off’.” No one missed the way Seán’s face light up at the declaration. With a laugh, everyone found seats; Seán and Signe claiming the chair so they could cuddle close, and Mark moving Sam to the middle on the couch so they could lean into his side. Spencer quickly set up the next episode on the tv, the intro music playing. Sam had seen this episode before, and found their mind wandering… and before they knew it, they were drifting to sleep, body pressed against Mark’s side, the deep steady beating of his heart against their cheek pulling them into sleep.


	26. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude

Chapter 25

***

Mark had felt Sam fall asleep less than ten minutes into the episode, gesturing to the others during the first commercial break. They stayed there while the episode played, Mark’s fingers running through Sam’s hair and cuddling them close against his chest. When the episode was over, Mark stood, picking Sam up in his arms. 

“I’m gunna bring Sam back to bed, I’ll be back in a bit.” Seán and Signe nodded, continuing to cuddle in the chair while Spencer gave Mark a small smile. 

“Thank you… for being so good to Sam… you don’t now how much they need this…” Mark’s returning smile was sad. 

“Yeah, I’ve kinda figured that out.” Mark shifted Sam in his arms so they were cuddled closer to him before going back to the spare room. Sam groaned, slightly waking up when Mark placed them down on the bed.

“Hmmmm Mark?” Their voice was thick with sleep, and they were barley awake. 

“Shhhh it’s okay, go back to sleep… I’ve got you…” Mark soothed, flattening Sam’s hair off their forehead. 

“Mmm Kay… night… love you…” and Sam’s eyes closed again, their breathing evening out as they almost instantly fell asleep. Mark froze in place, eyes wide in shock. He felt his heart beating erratically in his chest as he stared down at the sleeping form of Sam. 

“… love?” He asked the silence, barley above a whisper. Mark wasn’t sure how long he stood there, but he vaguely remembered going back out to the living room, making an excuse, and then heading back to bed himself. When he was situated and under the covers, Sam immediately snuggled into his side. Mark laid awake for quite a while, just staring at Sam… the word ‘love’ repeating over and over in his head, before finally falling asleep himself, his arms wrapped tightly around Sam and his face pressed into their hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I know this is short... but I'm going to try and get another chapter out later today if I have time. Thank you for sticking with me. 
> 
> JOAT


	27. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> French toast, goodbye Spencer, and a confession

Chapter 26

*** 

Sam woke slowly, feeling like something was different. Giving a small groan, they rolled until they were pressed into Mark’s side, their nose landing against the inside of his throat. Mark made a huffing noise before cuddling closer to Sam, his arm tightening over Sam’s waist. Thinking back, they tried to remember when they had fallen asleep, sometime during ‘Face Off’? They remembered waking up for a moment, Mark was talking to them, something about going back to sleep, and then they were in blissful unconsciousness again. Giving a small hum, Sam snuggled closer to Mark. The clock on the wall read six am, and Sam knew they should try and get a little more sleep before the day really started, Spencer was—Sam stopped mid though, eyes widening. Spencer was leaving tonight… he had a late-night flight to take him home so he would be back before his Monday evening classes… Sam sagged, feeling defeated. 

“No wonder I felt like something was wrong… I guess I should get up and make breakfast for everyone...” Sam mumbled to themself. Slowly, so that they wouldn’t wake up Mark, Sam extracted themself from the bed. They leaned over and gave Mark a quick kiss on the forehead before finding their chair (Seán must have brought it in sometime after Mark had gone to sleep as well) and climbing in. They quickly pulled on some clothes, a tee shirt and some house shorts, before wheeling out. Spencer was fast asleep on the couch, but Sam knew as soon as they started cooking that would change. Looking through the fridge made it easy, when Sam saw all the ingredients for Spencer’s favorite breakfast. After gathering ingredients, as well as sometime to drink to take their pills, Sam began prepping. 

An hour later and Sam was just starting to bake the bread, making homemade French toast. It was a quick rising bread and the proofing hadn’t taken super long, the baking itself would be fairly simple and then it was just a matter of letting the bread cool just enough to be able to fry it up with the other ingredients. The bread was done baking by seven thirty and Sam was giving it a few minutes to cool – in the mean-time, they set up the coffee pot to percolate, as well as the kettle so they could have some tea. Sam could hear footsteps from the other room and wondered idly who woke first as they set out four mugs as well as their own to have drinks with breakfast. Signe walked in, sans Seán, looking adorably rumpled with her hair mused and a robe covering her night clothes.

“Morning…” came her sleepy greeting as she walked over and smiled at Sam. “Need any help?” Sam just smiled back and shooed Signe.

“No, I’ve got it. Should be able to start frying up breakfast in a few, just have to let the bread rest so it doesn’t fall apart in the pan.” Signe looked confused for a moment before spotting the beautiful fresh loaf of bread on the counter cooling.

“You… made fresh bread? Like… from scratch?” she asked incredulously. Sam blushed a bit but smiled.

“Yeah, there’s coffee and water for tea if you want some… bread should be done soon and then we’re having French toast – its Spencer’s favorite.” Signe nodded slightly, still looking on in shock as she grabbed her mug and made herself a cup of coffee to wake up. The bread rested, the kettle popped, and Sam was soon steeping their tea as they cut thick slices of the bread to be able to dip in the batter. Spencer was the next to walk into the kitchen, his glasses askew and his pajama pants riding low.

“Do I smell fresh bread? And cinnamon?” Sam just laughed.

“Making your favorite since you have to go home tonight.” Spencer blinked, eyes widening.

“French toast?” he jumped excitedly, a wide smile spreading across his face. Sam just laughed and pointed to the coffee as well so Spencer could have his morning wake up. Seán and Mark ended up coming out at the same time, looking rumpled and tired, but smiling and sniffing avidly at the air, the smell of frying bread, cinnamon, and coffee strong in the air.

“And finally, the two lazy bones join us.” Sam commented as they dished up the first plate of food, moving it towards Spencer to take, then going to cook some more, absentmindedly sipping at their tea as they did.

“Hey! I was up late. Robin messaged me about ah issue with one of my videos and we had ta work on it ta get it fixed fer upload taday.” Seán complained, taking his own coffee mug and filling it before finding his own seat next to Signe, giving her a quick kiss as a ‘good morning’. Mark, on the other hand, moved over next to Sam, his hands coming to rest on their shoulders as he leaned over and rested his head on top of theirs. 

“I don’t know about you, but I had to carry this really cute youtuber to bed last night and then deal with a bed hog.” Sam’s face lit up bright red as they squirmed under Mark.

“Stop that… I am not cute… and if you don’t get off I’m going to burn the food.” They squirmed a bit more until Mark finally moved back to fill his own coffee mug.

“You might not think so, but I’m betting there are a bunch of people out there that disagree with you.” Mark commented as he took his seat and dished up his own plate. Sam quickly finished cooking the food and bringing it back to the table as everyone dug in. Sam’s blush returned as everyone complimented the food, going back for seconds.

“I didn’t know we had bread like this… I was sure I only bought sandwich bread…” Seán commented as he polished off his fourth slice. Sam’s face heated, ducking to hide behind their bangs. Seán noticed the difference in their twin, just as he was shoving another piece into his mouth. He blinked, almost comically, before putting his fork down. “Sam… did ye make fresh bread this morning?” Mark’s head twisted to look at Sam in shock as well as Seán. Spencer and Signe looked on with slightly amused faces.

“Uhm… yeah? I mean… we had the stuff for a quick rise bread and I know French toast is Spencer’s favorite, especially when it’s scratch, so I figured when I got up this morning it would be a good plan…” Seán leaned on his fist, looking in amazement at his twin.

“Ye know, I keep thinking there’s nothin’ that’ll surprise me about ya anymore, and yet here ye are, continuing ta surprise me…” Sam’s cheeks reddened but they smiled some.

“I’m good at surprising people… I’m sure I’ve got a few more in me… I would hate for you to get bored of me after a week.” The others laughed a bit and conversation flowed – plans were made for the day, including a tour around Athlone to show Spencer, Sam, and Mark around the small town, before Spencer would have to head back in his rental car towards Dublin for his flight. After breakfast was consumed, everyone went to change (Mark once again helping Sam get into their jeans) before heading out for the day. Mark, Sam, and Seán were all in ‘disguise’ with hoods or beanies, Sam even went so far as to wear a medical mask, like they do in Japan, to hide their face. The sights were seen, eventually lunch was gotten at a small café that Seán liked to grab a coffee from every occasionally, and they headed back out. The weather was cold, and there was a dampness in the air, as if it may rain later, but that was to be expected since it was the beginning of February. Despite this, the fivesum enjoyed seeing the sights, just walking around as a group while Seán and Signe explained things about the area, or told stories about things that had happened here or there. But eventually, good things must come to an end. The night was drawing upon them, and Spencer really needed to leave in order to catch his flight and return his rental car. They made their way back to the apartment, and with a quick sweep of the space, Spencer had all his belongings packed and ready to leave. Giving a heavy sigh he looked down at Sam, who had tears in their eyes.

“Hey, I’ll talk to you later, okay? This isn’t goodbye… it’s just I’ll see you later. Don’t go crying on me now.” Spencer joked, but there were tears in his eyes as well. Sam nodded and opened their arms, reaching up for him. Spencer easily leaned down into the hug, squeezing his best friend tightly.

“I’ll miss you…” Sam whispered quietly as they pressed their face into Spencer’s shoulder. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Spencer nodded in agreement.

“I’m gunna miss you too… please take care of yourself Sam… I’ll send you a skype message as soon as I get home, okay?” Sam nodded as well, and when Spencer pulled back, both had watery smiles and tears on their faces. Quickly scrubbing his face, Spencer smiled at the other three. “Thanks for letting me stay… keep Sam safe for me okay? They always try and do more than they should and will never really ask for help.” Seán and Signe nodded, leaning against one another. Mark smiled at Spencer, giving him a thumbs up. Spencer looked specifically to Mark then, and pointed at the half Asian. “And you… if you hurt Sam, celebrity or not, I will seriously find a way to make your life a living hell, I’ll tie you up in so much legal litigation that you’ll need a team of lawyers to just get you out of it so your great grand children aren’t still feeling my wrath.” Mark paled at the serious face and tone Spencer was giving him. With a quick nod and a wave, Spencer picked up his things an headed out. The room was silent for a few moments in the wake of Spencer’s departure, before Seán and Signe started laughing loudly. Mark still looked pale as he blinked in confusion, before looking to Sam. Sam, for their worth, had managed to not collapse in on themself, they were, however, covering their face with both hands to hide their horrible blush.

“I swear to all that gives, I am going to kill that man the next time I see him…” Sam’s voice was quiet, but hearable, causing Seán and Signe to laugh louder. Mark recovered after a moment and pat Sam on the shoulder, giving them a small smile.

“If it’s any consolation, I will do my damndest to make sure his threat doesn’t come to fruition.” Sam blushed more but nodded. The rest of the evening consisted of dinner (take away since they had been out all day and Sam hadn’t had time to prep anything) and cartoons. As the night came to an end, and Sam was curling up in bed next to Mark, they snuggled close to take his warmth. That feeling of ‘somethings wrong’ came back over them when Mark moved slightly stiffly. 

“Everything okay?” Sam asked sleepily, slightly worried they would fall asleep before they got the chance to hear the answer.

“Nothing… just been thinking about some heavy stuff… about something someone said and… how I should respond to it…” Sam gave a small nod.

“Wanna run it by me? I can be your sounding board…” They tried to hold back a yawn, but weren’t completely successful, their eyes already starting to close. Mark waited, watching Sam slowly start to fall asleep, until the even breathing from the younger was the only thing to be heard in the room.

“I… think I love you too…” he whispered into the quietness, his lips brushing Sam’s forehead. “But I don’t think I can tell you yet… because it’s too soon, we’ve only really known each other a week… but I feel like I’ve known you, known SICRhymes, for years… but I’ll have to keep it to myself… because I don’t think you even know you told me you love me…” Mark gave one last kiss to Sam’s forehead before settling down, cuddling them close, and letting his mind wander until he was drifting to sleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay - so, I have made a sort of schedule for myself for how I want the rest of the story to go. I've always had a plan on how I wanted it to end, but I never really had a set schedule of events to happen. So, I am setting an 'end chapter' for this. It may not be the actual end chapter, this is just the minimum number of chapters I can have before I could possibly be done [including the epilogue] so there will be that to look forward to. It will be a MINIMUM of those chapters, but possibly MORE.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for sticking with me through this monster. I realized earlier today that I have been just personally working on this story for almost FIVE MONTHS but have only been posting it for the last month, because I was scared of how this would be recieved. I ALSO have posted some pictures of different sceenes on my DeviantArt if you all would like to see them, I'll leave a link below.
> 
> Now here's a question for you guys... would you like to hear me read chapters of this? I was thinking of doing what Sam does and literally reading these chapters, posting them to somewhere like youtube, and publishing them for people to listen to, so everyone can hear my crappy voice and horrible accents [I am in no way anywhere near as good as Sam at accents] is that something you would like? Leave a comment below and don't forget the kudo's!
> 
> Thanks again so much, seeing people like this really brightens my day.
> 
> JOAT
> 
> DeviantArt -- https://imarriedmyfandoms.deviantart.com/gallery/63727268/YouTubers-RPF


	28. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little steam and meating the team [Iplier]

Chapter 27

***

When Sam woke the next morning Mark was already awake and looking at his phone, his arm still wrapped underneath Sam. They took a moment, looking up at the brunette, to think about how much their life had changed in the last week, and how they had gotten so used to having Mark asleep next to them… they weren’t sure how they were going to be able to sleep again when he left. The involuntary sigh that Sam gave out caught Mark’s attention, who looked away from his phone and smiled down at Sam.

“Morning sleepy head… you almost made it to eight o’clock.” Sam blinked in confusion before looking at the clock on the wall, seeing it was seven forty five. Giving a small laugh, Sam scooched to sit up.

“Yeah, a miracle for me… what’re you looking at?” Mark hummed slightly before turning his phone to Sam, showing text messages from Tyler from sometime last night.

“Ty wants to meet you, and so does Ethan, so I told them we could skype later and maybe do a collab with Ethan and Jack, golf with friends or something. How’s that sound?” Sam nodded slightly, smiling some.

“Yeah that sounds good. I actually follow Ethan too, so it would be nice to meet him. And I want to meet Tyler too, I follow him on twitter and he’s always seemed like a nice guy.” Mark nodded slightly, shooting off a quick reply text before putting his phone down. 

“He’ll get that when he wakes up… now… since you’re awake and looking extra adorable today with your super fluffy bed head and rumpled clothes…” Mark laughed at Sam’s indignant mumbling, before he leaned in and slowly kissed them, moving to slide a hand around the back of Sam’s head and hold them close. Sam’s eyes closed involuntarily, leaning into the kiss and giving a small breathy moan as their hands slid up and tangled in the fabric of Mark’s bed shirt. They both moved against one another, until they were fully horizontal again without realizing it. The kisses were sweet, with a little bit of heat behind them, but not pressing, and slow. Mark ended up leaning over Sam, pressing down to keep the kisses going, before moving back and trailing more along their chin and jaw, down to Sam’s ear, then down to their throat. Sam had been holding back little keening noises at how good everything felt, but they gasped loudly when Mark sank his teeth lightly into Sam’s pulse point, laving his tongue over the slightly red mark. He made sure not to leave any bruises, lest he get an earful from Seán, but continued to kiss and nip along Sam’s throat, enjoying the sounds they were making. Sam was trembling, fingers digging into the sheets. This was so much, so much more than they’ve ever felt before…

“Mark…” There was pleading in their voice, but they weren’t sure if it was for him to stop… or to keep going. Mark moved up to look back down at Sam, his eyes were dilated with pleasure, but he moved back, stopping, when he saw the uncertainty on Sam’s face.

“Sorry… too fast?” he sounded breathless, panting lightly… and would probably have to go to the bathroom to take care of things as soon as he got up. Sam nodded slowly, face bright red as they looked up at him, their own chest heaving from the feeling; their body was a mass of tingles and they didn’t know how it had affected them so quickly.

“S-sorry…” Sam stuttered out, turning their head away in embarrassment. “Sorry I just… I’m just…” Mark reached up and grabbed Sam by the chin, turning their face back to his and kissing them gently.

“Shush, I understand… I know this is all new for you… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to move so fast. I promise I’ll keep things a little slower, okay? Now… why don’t we get up and see if your brother and his girlfriend are awake yet.” Sam looked up at Mark through half lidded eyes, but nodded.

“Okay… and I… I mean… I liked it… I liked it a lot but I just… no ones ever…” Sam’s face turned a darker shade of red, almost matching Mark’s hair. Mark laughed slightly, just nodding some.

“I get it… it’s okay… now… let’s get up and dressed, anything you want to wear today?” Mark moved back, taking a few breaths to cool his blood before standing and going to grab his clothes. He quickly pulled on his jeans and swapped out his tank-top for a V-neck tee-shirt and his favorite cardigan. Sam sat as well, thinking about the different clothes they had.

“Uhh, maybe just some dark jeans and a long sleeved shirt? There’s a grey one in there with some red sleeves in a baseball tee style.” Mark rummaged through Sam’s clothes before finding the two items and helping Sam change. They quickly made their way to the kitchen to find Seán and Signe standing side by side at the stove and working on breakfast. 

“Morning!” Mark greeted, parking Sam at the table before going to grab a cup of coffee and Sam’s pills.

“Morning, sleep well?” Signe asked, finishing up the scrambled eggs she was working on and bringing them over to the table on a large platter to distribute amongst the table. Sam hummed, taking their pills with a glass of water after Mark had handed them over.

“Pretty good, Mark mentioned wanting to do a collab with Ethan today and letting me meet him and Tyler, I’m kinda excited.” Sam answered, smiling some as they grabbed some eggs onto their plate. Seán laughed, bringing over toast and bacon before taking his own seat and sipping at his coffee.

“That sounds like a good idea, haven’t collabed with Ethan fer a bit, an I’m sure Ethan’ll have a bit of a freak out meeting ya.” Sam blushed slightly, ducking their head before grabbing some toast and piling their eggs and bacon on top of it. Sam shoved their food into their mouth so they didn’t have to say anything, causing the other three to laugh. 

Breakfast passed quickly, Mark insisting to do the dishes since Seán and Signe cooked and Sam had been doing so much of the cooking, and Sam, Seán and Signe made their way to the living room to watch some TV for a bit until Tyler and Ethan were awake. Mark joined them shortly and they all ended up cuddled with their partner while another episode of ‘Face Off’ played on the TV.

“Ah can’t believe that ah’ve never heard of this show before… it’s so good!” Seán exclaimed after another episode ended. He wiggled in his seat, causing Signe to laugh and shove him a bit. Seán laughed, shoving Signe back until they were having a tickle match, Mark and Sam watching from the couch and chuckling as they leaned into each other.

“Okay, okay. Stop that you two. We wanna get through another episode before it’s time for the skype with Tyler and Ethan.” Sam chided the two, leaning their head against Mark’s chest, his hand wrapped gently around Sam’s waist. The other two settled down and the next episode was played, leaving them only three episodes behind in the season, when Mark’s phone went off with a text from Tyler.

“Okay, Ty said they’re ready if we wanna go set up the call and the game.” Sam smiled but nodded, detangling themself from Mark’s side to slide into their wheelchair. Mark ended up pushing them back to Seán’s recording room before he went to go grab his laptop and Sam’s from the guest room. The skype call would be through Seán’s computer, but they would each be playing on their own laptops. Sam leaned back in their chair, feeling relaxed for once, as they waited for Seán and Mark to come into the room. When both men arrived, Mark carrying both laptops, as well as Sam’s glasses, Sam smiled up at them.

“Well, yer lookin’ awful calm. Havin’ a good day are we?” Seán asked, a smile on his face as he set the computer up and dialed out a call to Ethan – he and Tyler would be sharing the webcam until Tyler left for Ethan to do the collab with the other three.

“Yeah… it’s been good. I haven’t really felt any panic all day, so I count that as a success, plus I get to hang out with two of my favorite guys, meet some new friends, and play some video games… I think today is a perfect day.” Both men smiled warmly at Sam as they adjusted themselves in their own seats. Ethan finally picked up the call – he and Tyler were at one of the set ups at the office, and they both waved as it answered.

“Hey! Haven’t had to see your ugly face in a week, man it’s been a great vacation.” Ethan said as a greeting to Mark, before turning more to Seán and smiling wider. “And I’m super excited to see my favorite Irish potato.” Ethan finally turned to look at Sam and blinked suddenly. “Wow… Ty you weren’t kidding when Mark said they were twins.” Tyler gave a small laugh.

“Hi, I’m Tyler, you’re Sam right? It’s nice to meet you; Mark has literally not been able to stop talking about you since he met you back at PAX East.” Mark’s and Sam’s faces both flushed as they looked away. 

“Uhm, yeah, I’m Sam… it’s nice to finally meet you. I… actually follow you on twitter… and I follow Ethan on YouTube too.” Sam answered in their narrator voice. Ethan smiled widely.

“Woah, really? That’s awesome! It’s always nice to meet a fan!” Sam gave a small smile back at the flash of Ethan’s teeth. Seán looked at Sam for a moment before looking back to the computer screen.

“Ethan… you haven’t seen my recent vlog, have ye?” Ethan blinked in confusion.

“Uh, no… why?” Tyler looked over to Ethan and shook his head before rolling his eyes.

“You obviously haven’t recognized who Sam is; sorry guys, I didn’t think to tell him. I figured he would have seen – not like Sam’s face reveal wasn’t trending on pretty much every social media platform.” Sam swallowed at hearing this, feeling their throat tighten with anxiety. Trending? On every social media platform? Like… FaceBook, YouTube, Tumblr, Twitter? More than that? Before the anxiety could consume them, both Mark and Seán had a hand on Sam’s arms, giving them a squeeze to keep them calm. Sam sent grateful looks to both men before looking back at a still confused Ethan.

“I’m… SICRhymes… hi…” Ethan blinked a few more times before giving a huge gasp and jumping so much that he fell out of his chair. Tyler blinked and scrambled to help the blue haired man up from the floor and back into his seat.

 **“OH MY GOD YOU’RE SICRHYMES THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY!!!”** Ethan shouted as soon as he was situated back in his seat. Tyler leaned away, rubbing his ear.

“God Ethan, make a guy go deaf why don’t ya?” Seán and Mark both laughed at Ethan’s antics; Sam ducked their head a bit, cheeks pink.

“Uhm yeah… so…” Sam scratched the back of their neck. “Thanks for taking the time out of your day to talk to us… I know you guys must be busy with stuff over there, even if Mark’s away, I know he’s been sending over videos for editing and stuff… so, thanks for doing a video with us…” Ethan was staring in shock at Sam; Tyler noticed and waved his hand in front of the youngest YouTuber’s face and got no reaction.

“Hoo boy, I think you broke him. E? You okay in there?” Tyler gave Ethan’s shoulder a small shake before the blue haired man blinked and came back to himself.

“You’re SICRhymes… SICRhymes follows my YouTube… I don’t… how… when did… holy fuck…” Ethan leaned heavily back into his chair, looking dazed. Sam flushed darker.

“Yeah… uhm… I started following you a while ago, before you moved out to LA to be Mark’s editor, I thought you were funny and kinda reminded me of my broth—“ Sam stopped and frowned, eyebrows creasing. “You reminded me of someone I know…” they shook their head, ignoring the worried looks sent to them from Seán and Mark. “Anyway, I was wondering if we could get to the game? I know the guys need to get a few more videos recorded today if we are going to have any free time at all for the rest of this week.” Tyler gave a small smile and a wave.

“It was nice meeting you Sam, hopefully we can meet in person some day? Maybe at the next convention I go to? Or if you ever come to visit?” he smiled more and Sam nodded.

“Yeah, a visit sounds great, but gotta get outta this thing first.” They pointed to their wheelchair and gave a small laugh. Tyler nodded and said goodbye to Seán and Mark as well before leaving the frame, moving to some other part of the office. Ethan slowly came back to himself, letting the fact that SICRhymes actually followed him sink in.

“Okay… game… okay… so… golf with friends?” Sam smiled and nodded, pushing their glasses up their nose before grabbing their laptop to boot up the game. Mark and Seán loaded everything as well and soon enough, the game was underway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo there is a very good chance that by next Friday, I'll have the entire story finished. Would you guys want me to just mass upload the chapters when I completely finish them, or just continue on with weekly updates? 
> 
> Please comment! 
> 
> JOAT


	29. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch break and dark thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep thinking this will be done at 40 chapters and just realized it won't... maybe 45? Idk. Am I still doing weekly updates? If so it'll be like... another 3 months at least worth of updates >____>;; oops. Please comment with your thoughts (should finish writing this this weekend sooooooooo)
> 
> JOAT

Chapter 28

The four ended up playing some rounds of golf with friends, then moved onto Cards Against Humanities for a while. When Sam realized it was past two in the afternoon, they called a stop to the gaming.

“Okay… I think we need to be done – I don’t know about you guys, but lunch sounds pretty good to me. And I’m sure Ethan has other things to do besides be really horrible at video games.” Ethan made a sound of indignation from his side of the screen, causing Mark and Seán to both laugh. “Hey don’t worry Ethan, Mark and Seán suck too.” The other two men huffed while Ethan laughed. 

“Oh yeah?” Seán started. “Well what about ye? Yer not that great at video games either.” His arms were crossed as he pouted at his twin. Sam just laughed, having relaxed throughout the gaming session.

“Hey I never claimed to be good at video games; that’s not what I do for a living after all. I write, and that I am good at.” The other three flushed in embarrassment but nodded in agreement. Ethan quickly said his goodbyes and they disconnected the call. When the three finally made it back out to the living room [after putting away Sam and Mark’s laptops, as well as Sam’s glasses] they found Signe sitting on the couch with her laptop working on some digital art. She looked up and smiled at them.

“Hey guys, get your recording done?” they nodded.

“Yeah, but I figured it was time for a break and some lunch. Sound good?” Sam asked, already wheeling towards the kitchen to prep something.

“Hey, you don’t need to always be the one to cook!” Mark said, following Sam into the kitchen. Sam just shrugged before opening the fridge.

“I really honestly don’t mind… it helps distract me and makes me feel like I’m contributing around here. If I’m still for too long I tend to…” they stopped, frowning some and looking down. Seán, who had followed them into the kitchen as well, frowned at his twins words.

“It makes ye think about the past, yeah?” Sam just nodded, slowly rummaging around in the fridge for some lunch meats to make toasted sandwiches and some veggies and lettuce to make a salad. The room went quiet while Sam prepped food, both men asking if they could help before Sam just shooed them away to go ‘spend time together’. That was why Mark was out here after all… to spend time with Seán. Not to spend time with Sam. Sam tried not to think about it as they basically made grilled cheese sandwiches with ham and turkey stuffed in them as well. It only took a little bit and soon they were finished, plating the sandwiches and calling everyone in for lunch. The meal was quick and quiet, and when it was done, Seán and Mark went back to the recording room to get some more work done. Sam was offered to record with them, but declined, not really feeling like hanging out with them, wanting them to be able to spend time with each other like they had planned before Sam literally wormed themself into their lives. Seán and Mark both sent worried looks to Sam but let them be. Holding themself back up in the guest room, Sam moved to lean back against the headboard, sitting on the bed. They pulled their laptop into their lap and booted it back up, loading their Word Processor and starting to type.


	30. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing, dinner, and wait... what's tomorrow?

Chapter 29

***

At some point Sam had grabbed their headphones and shoved them on their head, blasting music through a playlist they had on YouTube as they continued to type and type and type. They didn’t even have a goal in mind, but they just needed to stop thinking about how they had literally wormed their way into these people’s lives and Sam was making themself feel sick with the implication that things would be so much different if they hadn’t essentially shoved themself into everyone’s lives. 

_‘The ache of a what if sits heavy in my heart_  
_How assuming_  
_How taking advantage of a kind gesture_  
_Sits heavy in my stomach_  
_Like a bolder_  
_Weighing me down_  
_How trying to be happy_  
_Only makes others suffer_  
_Their lives forever changed_  
_Because of selfish deeds_  
_Because of selfish wants and needs_  
_And a choice changes so many things for so many others’_

Sam was trying to not cry, to stop shaking. Their fingers trembled over the keyboard as their mind wandered to how much they had affected the people around them.

“And they’re stuck with me… they’re stuck with me and they have to deal with my issues… no one… no one should have to deal with me…” the tears slipped down Sam’s face as they pressed their hands over their mouth to stop the sob from leaving their chest. They knew they were starting to spiral down, that their anxiety was getting the better of them and the bleak blackness was sucking them down but they couldn’t stop thinking about how pushing themself into Seán and Signe and Mark’s lives would just _ruin_ them. Sam had yet to realize that they had been writing for literal hours, well past dinner time. They had yet to realize that there were tears slipping down their face; they had yet to realize they were shaking so horribly their laptop slid from their lap; they had yet to realize they weren’t alone. Signe was standing in the door, having heard what Sam had said and pressing her hands to her mouth, tears in her own eyes. She had volunteered to grab Sam when the guys had finally come out of the recording room and suggested dinner. Signe walked slowly into the room, moving over to the side of the bed.

“Sam?” her voice was quiet, so as to not startle Sam. Sam, who still had their headphones on, music blasting, didn’t hear Signe, but they saw sudden movement from the corner of their blurred vision and flinched back, headphones slipping off their ears.

“S-s-sorry… so… so s-s-sorry Signe…” Sam gave a small sob as Signe sat on the bed next to them, wrapping her arms tightly around Sam’s frame and pulling them against her side.

“Shhh, you have nothing to be sorry about, it’s okay. What’s gotten you in a spiral this time?” she gently threaded her fingers through Sam’s hair to comfort them.

“I… I j-just…” Sam couldn’t trying so hard to get their breathing back under control, following along with Signe’s steady in-out-in-out. Signe shushed Sam again, before her eyes landed on the computer. After quickly reading some of the things Sam had written about, Signe hugged them tighter.

“I’m going to tell you something very important, so I want you to listen.” Sam just nodded slightly, pressing their face into Signe’s shoulder, absorbing her heat and comfort. “You are so special, and have done so much good, just by being you, and showing up… Seán never mentioned having a twin to me until a year into when we were dating. Every time he did he was always at his lowest, his saddest… and I know he doesn’t really get sad often, but I haven’t seen him this happy in a while, and that’s because he’s got you here now… you’re important, and you are absolutely wanted. I’m so happy to have gotten to meet you, and although I can’t really help all the time with all of your problems, I will always be here to try. Okay?” Sam nodded, crying harder as they hugged Signe tightly. The two sat on the bed for a while still, letting Sam calm down some more. After about fifteen minutes Sam sat back up, scrubbing their eyes and giving a small smile up at Signe.

“Thanks… I really needed that… I just kinda feel like I wormed my way into everyone’s life… and I mean it’s not like you guys would be any worse off without me…” Signe pressed a kiss into Sam’s hair, giving them another squeeze.

“You were gifted to us, you didn’t worm your way in. And trust me, I’m pretty sure Seán and Mark, as well as myself, would be much worse off for not meeting you. Mark especially… I’ve known him for a while and he’s never taken to someone as quickly as he’s taken to you.” Sam’s face flushed, head ducked. “And I know you have very strong feelings for him… I just wonder how strong?” Sam bit their lip slightly before looking up at Signe through their fringe. 

“I… I’ve… kinda been in love with him for about… five years now…” Sam’s face was bright red, but Signe just hugged Sam tighter.

“Hey, it’s okay… I fell for Seán really quickly too… you’ve at least had five years. But we can talk about this later if you want. We should get out there, the guys wanted to go out for food.” Sam nodded, cleaning their face up and straightening their clothes. When they both made it back out to the living room, Sam in their chair with Signe pushing them along, the guys were sitting on the couch and laughing at a YouTube video playing on the TV. Sam smiled softly, just enjoying the sound of their happiness and laughter. When the guys finally noticed Sam and Signe were back in the room, the turned to face them over the back of the couch, their smiles widening.

“Well ye took yer sweet time. I know Signe just wanted ta get ye all ta herself fer a bit, but ye have been in there fer quite a while on yer own Sami.” Seán said, leaning on his folded arms on the back of the couch. Sam gave a warm smile and a small laugh.

“What can I say, everyone wants a piece of me.” Despite the laughter, Sam did catch the look Mark sent them, their cheeks warming slightly at the attention. Before anyone else could notice though, Sam clapped their hands. “Okay so… dinner? We going out?” the group agreed, and were soon on their way to have a quiet meal.

The meal was, in fact, quiet – Seán requesting a back room to keep prying eyes away; the hostess had recognized the group and gladly gave them a private room so the other patrons wouldn’t bother them. When everything was said and done, and they headed back to the apartment, Sam was already feeling the weight of the day. Their mini anxiety attach had pulled too much energy out of them, and the noise from the restaurant hadn’t helped much. With a quick excuse, Sam made their way back to bed, slowly stripping out of their jeans, but leaving their shirt on, feeling a little chilly. 

“Wonder if I’m getting sick?” Sam wondered aloud, rubbing their eyes as they adjusted their pillow. After crawling under the covers and getting comfortable, Sam tried to go to sleep, but despite their best efforts, they just couldn’t drift off. Their mind replayed everything that had happened to them since arriving in Ireland… when suddenly Sam bolted upright in bed into a sitting position, their face colored in shock. “Tomorrow’s my birthday…” Their voice was a whisper as they spoke the realization. “I’m going to be twenty-seven tomorrow…” 

“It’s about time you realized…” Mark’s deep rumble came from the door. Sam looked over quickly, blinking in shock, not having heard Mark open the door in the first place. He chuckled before closing it behind him and moving to get ready for bed himself.

“You knew?” Sam asked before they could stop themself. They then immediately realized that ‘ _well duh, he knows Seán’s birthday, of course he knows yours_ ’ and smacked themself on the forehead lightly. “Sorry, I’m tired and that was a stupid question." Mark chuckled as he climbed into bed as well, pulling Sam down to cuddle and pressing a kiss to their forehead.

“It’s why I came over now to visit Jack, so I could spend his birthday with him. He also mentioned it this morning when you went to the bathroom during a commercial break from ‘Face Off’ and he figured with everything you’ve been through that you just forgot about it.” Sam nodded slightly, their face tucked against Mark’s chest.

“Honestly I did… I was sort of self reflecting over the last week and a half and I just… remembered that today was the sixth and tomorrow will be the seventh and Seán and I will be twenty-seven… I never really celebrated my birthday anyway, but I know Seán usually does…” as Sam continued to speak their voice got quieter, drifting in and out of a mumble. Mark hummed slightly, smiling as he kissed the top of Sam’s head.

“Hey…” Sam hummed back before looking up to Mark through sleepy eyes.

“Mmhmm?” Mark smiled a little wider before leaning in and kissing Sam sweetly, slowly, with warmth and care and… dare they think… love? When Mark pulled back, Sam was more than just sleepy, but dazed as well. “Wha’s ‘at for?” Mark laughed low, giving Sam one more quick kiss.

“Happy Birthday Sam.” Sam blinked before looking up to the clock – it had just turned over to midnight. It was officially the seventh of February… Sam was twenty-seven. With another smile and a quiet ‘thank you’ Sam let their eyes close, and then they were asleep.


	31. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I'll be finishing the epilogue some time today... do you guys want daily updates again or just a massive post of all the other chapters? Comment below!
> 
> JOAT

Chapter 30

*** 

Sam woke slowly, feeling warm and comfortable. Mark was asleep next to them, one arm wrapped over Sam’s waist, the other tucked under his head. Sam, who was laying on their side, pressed closer to Mark, giving a little happy hum when he squeezed them closer.

“You awake yet?” Sam asked, voice quiet as they pressed their nose against their pillow, snuggeling down close.

“Hmmm… yeah kinda…” slowly Mark looked up, his hair flopping into his eyes. Glaring at the red strands for a moment, he looked back to Sam. Sam had a sleepy smile on their face, their eyes half lidded and warmth emanating from them. “You look gorgeous this morning. Man… how did I get this lucky?” Sam blinked in confusion.

“Lucky?” they asked, moving to scootch closer to Mark. He hummed slightly.

“Yeah… how did I get this lucky to get someone as amazing as you interested in me?” Sam’s face flushed and they ducked their head slightly.

“I think it should be the other way around… I’m the lucky one.” Mark chuckled and leaned in to give Sam a small kiss.

“Listen… I think we should talk about where things are going with us…” Sam blinked but looked up at Mark, listening. “I really want to see how things go with us… so… I guess I kinda officially wanna ask you… if maybe you would want to date me?” his face was pink as he asked this, averting his eyes for a few moments before looking back to Sam. His eyes widened slightly when he saw the tears in Sam’s eyes. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” Mark was cut off when Sam leaned in and kissed him, their arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him close. 

“Yes…” Sam breathed against his mouth, tears slipping down their face. “Yes I would love for you to be my boyfriend…” their smile was wide as they leaned back to look up at Mark. Mark’s smile widened in tandem with Sam’s, both leaning in and sharing a few more kisses.

“We should get up…” Mark finally said, some half an hour later, after they had both kissed and cuddled and just enjoyed the morning being close.

“Yeah I know… I figure I should go make breakfast…” When Sam looked up at the clock they gasped. “Ten? How did it get to be ten!” They scrambled to sit up, nearly slipping off of the bed. If it hadn’t have been for Mark’s quick response of wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist, they would have pitched face first onto the floor. “Sorry… thanks… but it’s so late in the morning, we gotta get up… what if Seán’s already up? He shouldn’t have to cook his own breakfast, it’s his birthday too!” Mark laughed and pulled Sam back until they were sitting in his lap. 

“Which is exactly what you were going to do, cook your own breakfast. Now, let me pick something out for you to wear today, and we will get changed and then go out and have something to eat, okay?” Sam blushed but nodded, nuzzling against Mark a bit more before moving to sit back on the bed. Mark slowly got up, stretching some, before going over to both of their luggage. After a few minutes, Mark tossed some clothes over to Sam, including clean briefs, socks, some black skinny jeans, and a Markiplier’s Hero’s shirt. Sam snorted as the grabbed the shirt and showed it off to Mark. 

“You trying to stake your claim there Markimoo?” Mark’s face flushed a bit before be turned back to his luggage and pulled out a shirt that looked like it had been hand-made screen printed. He showed it to Sam and they blinked in surprise. On the front of the dark grey shirt, in a big bold black design was the logo for SICRhymes. “Did… did you make that?” Mark just nodded again before quickly changing shirts.

“Yeah… a while ago… it’s one of my favorites to wear around the house…” Sam’s fingers tightened in their tee-shirt. 

“How...” they swallowed the lump in their throat before they tried to speak again. “How long ago did you make that? It… looks well worn.” Mark smiled softly at Sam, grabbing some clean boxers and his jeans for the day. 

“Probably… about five years?” Sam’s fingers were shaking harder; they put their hands and shirt in their lap to make it less obvious, but Mark noticed. He moved to sit on the bed next to Sam, wrapping his arms around them after dropping his clothes on top of the covers. “Shh, hey it’s okay… I just… when you first started out I was such a big nerdy fan – I remember you wrote a piece about outer space, and then right after you wrote short story about some wild crazy alien adventures and I just fell in love with your writing. I remember telling my mom and Thomas and Dee about your stuff and it really helped me with getting through things when I was having a hard time dealing with the loss of my dad. I would listen to your stuff when I would go work out, or when I went on long car rides. I introduced your stuff to Bob and Wade and Tyler and I’ve just been a huge fan for years… I feel like I know you, and have known you forever… as much as I know Tyler and the guy’s been my best friend for years.” Sam was holding back tears now, biting their lip and hugging Mark tightly. “I just… I want you to know, okay?” Sam nodded, leaning up and kissing Mark, through their tears. When they pulled back, Mark moved his hands and wiped their tears away, smiling and kissing their forehead. “Okay, let’s get you changed. I’m gunna go to the bathroom real quick and let you switch your briefs, okay? Then I’ll be back to help with your jeans.” Sam nodded again, smiling softly and watching Mark leave with his clothes to go change himself. 

After struggling slightly with the blankets and changing their briefs, Sam sat on the bed with their clean shirt on. They were carefully putting their clean socks on when Mark walked back in the room, smiling and wearing his SICRhymes shirt. Sam blushed, but smiled up at him. Together they finished getting Sam dressed and in their wheelchair. As Mark pushed  
Sam out towards the kitchen, they frowned.

“Mark… why are all the lights out? Isn’t Seán awake yet? I would think at least Signe was up…” they sounded slightly concerned. Mark hummed slightly.

“Huh, dunno, but it is kinda dark in here, I think they pulled the blinds last night or something…” Mark pushed Sam further into the living room, when suddenly all the lights went on, and a group of people jumped out from behind furniture and walls, all shouting **‘SURPRISE!’** Sam gasped, eyes widening and tears springing to their eyes. Around the room was Sam’s family, Seán and Signe off to the side, Mary and Pat standing by the couch, Simon, Allison and Susan standing around the room as well, huge smiles on their faces. Tears spilled down Sam’s face as they pressed their hands to their mouth to hold back a sob. The McLoughlin’s smiled, though sad, but supportive. 

“So…” Seán started, moving over next to Sam so he could wrap an arm over their shoulder [Mark had walked into the kitchen to grab Sam their pills, knowing they would be needing them] “I know I said that everyone would be meetin’ up sometime next month… but we had already planned ta have everyone come up fer my birthday… figured it would be a nice surprise. Mally will be in later with the kids.” Sam sobbed again, taking shaky breaths as they looked around the room at their family. 

“You’re… y-you’re all h-h-here…” Sam was having trouble breathing, their body shaking despite the tight grip Seán had on their shoulder. Mark walked back into the room with a glass of water, Sam’s pills, and a box of tissues.

“You’re okay…” Mark said, holding their pills out first. Sam took them, and the water, swallowing the pills quickly to try and calm down. They took a few deep breaths, still shaky, but smiled widely around the room. And just like that, the family moved in to meet their youngest member.


	32. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Sam and story time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, daily updates! The times will be different but here is the next chapter!
> 
> JOAT

Chapter 31

*** 

Everyone sat together in the living room, getting to know Sam, and they got to know their siblings; around noon they stopped for lunch and Mally showed up with Dylan, his thirteen year old, and Pearl, his nine year old. Sam cried again when they realized they had a nephew and a niece.

“Papa, are they okay?” Pearl asked Mally as the person in the wheelchair started to cry after being introduced to them. Mally had tears in his own eyes at seeing his youngest sibling break down like this [Mark and Seán were right there to comfort Sam.] “I thought we were here ta see Uncle Jack…” Mally nodded slightly and hugged Pearl close.

“We are sweetie, but I need ye ta meet Sam here, they’re Uncle Jack’s twin.” Dylan looked at Sam for a moment before looking back to his dad.

“So we have another uncle?” Mally looked up to Sam, who just nodded.

“Th-that’s fine…” they wiped their tears away quickly. “Hi Dylan… hi Pearl… I’m your Uncle Sam… it’s nice to finally meet you… sorry I’m crying so much… I just never thought I would have a family like this…” Pearl looked up at her dad for a moment before moving from his grasp and going over to Sam; boldly, Pearl climbed into Sam’s lap and hugged them tight.

“Don’t cry Uncle Sam… it’s yer birthday. Yer not supposed ta cry.” Sam laughed and hugged Pearl back, kissing her on the head.

“Thank you sweetie… I’ll try my best. Don’t worry, these are happy tears though… now, I think we were going to do something about lunch…” Pearl squealed and hopped off of Sam’s lap before running over to her brother and dragging him boldly into the kitchen. Sam laughed and leaned back in their chair, into Seán and Mark’s waiting hands. Looking up at two of the most important people in Sam’s life, they smiled. “Thank you… both of you… so much…” Mark gave Sam’s shoulder a squeeze as Seán leaned down to kiss their forehead. 

“Now, ye said something about food, and yer right, take away should be here any moment and we can all eat and chat some more. But you, I believe, need ta sit right there on the couch and let everyone else take care of ye fer once. Okay?” Seán’s face was determined, and Sam sighed, giving a small nod.

“Fine fine… I’ll sit here and just talk to everyone, how’s that?” Seán beamed before giving Mark a look. Mark laughed slightly before pushing Sam, in their chair, over to the couch, before boldly picking them up and sitting them down. Sam’s face was red as they ducked their head.

“You both have to stop doing that…” Sam mumbled, arranging themself on the seat. Mark just laughed before moving to stow the wheelchair out of the way. Simon and Allison ended up sitting on either side of Sam, Susan moving to sit on the coffee table to face Sam and Mally came to stand behind them. “So…” Sam started, looking around at their siblings. **_SIBLINGS._**

“I’m gunna apologize right out if I don’t get yer gender right…” Simon started, turning in his seat to face Sam. “Yer tha first person I’ve met whose non-binary… Though it’ll probably be easier ta remember yer name… I know yer my youngest sibling… but it’s kinda like meetin’ a new person, ye know?” Sam nodded slightly, noticing the other three nodding as well.

“I get it… and it’s not really offensive if you call me either gender… I told the kids Uncle because it’s honestly less Dysphoric for me to go with male pronouns. But I know physically I am female, even if I look more androgynous than anything else.”

“What’s that mean? Dysphoric?” Allison asked, head tilted to the side in confusion. Sam smiled slightly, having been used to explaining these things to people before.

“Gender Dysphoria is basically when you feel like you’re not representing the correct gender. Like… if people looked at you and insisted you were a man, but you knew inside and out you were a female. Or even that you weren’t either. Feeling like what gender you are, you actually aren’t. A lot of transgender people have this issue when they’re first transitioning because they’ll present as their birth gender and yet they want to present as the opposite gender. The opposite of this is Gender Euphoria, so when you feel comfortable or correct in the gender you’re assumed to be. That transgendered female who passes as female and without question. She’s just one of the girls. For me, it’s just… me being me. I don’t really feel like I fit in with the female or the male gender, though I show signs of both feminine and masculine traits, I’m just… neither… I’m just me. And I know not everyone will understand, or even accept a gender neutral pronoun, so that’s why I prefer male over female; it makes me less cringy and gives me less Dysphoria.” Their four siblings were nodding slightly, deep in thought. The doorbell rang and Pat ended up answering it, receiving the food from the delivery man before bringing it inside.

“Alright ye all, time ta eat. Jack, can ye get plates and things fer us? Susan, get yer arse off tha table, we need that ta eat. Ye know tables are fer glasses, not fer asses.” The McLoughlin family laughed at Pat’s words, but everyone moved around to get situated to eat. Pearl insisted on sitting on Sam’s lap while they ate. Dylan, as soon as he had found out his Uncle Sam was really SICRhymes, was asking a million questions. Mary brought out a cake, chocolate and vanilla, that said “Happy Birthday Seán and Sam” across the front, which caused Sam to cry again. Overall, the afternoon was spent with family, and honestly the best birthday Sam could remember. As the day dragged on, and Sam fielded a slew of questions from not only their niece and nephew, but also their older brothers and sisters. Dinner was ordered in as well and eaten in the living room in much the same fashion as it was for lunch. When it came time for people to start leaving, Sam could feel the tug in their heart at having to say goodbye to their family.

“Papa I don’t wanna go!” Pearl was crying, clinging to Sam’s waist and holding on tightly. “I wanna stay with Uncle Sam and Uncle Jack!” Dylan wasn’t doing much better, hiding from his father behind the couch behind Sam. Mally sighed.

“Kids we’ve gotta go, yer stuff is back at the hotel. I promise we’ll come see Uncle Jack and Uncle Sam tomorrow before our flight, okay?” Sam was gently rubbing Pearl’s back, shushing her lightly.

“Okay now Pearl, you’ve gotta go with your papa. It’s far past bed time, and I don’t know about you, but I’m super sleepy. Now, if you’re a good girl, I’ll have your papa call us over the phone and I’ll make you up a bed time story, but _only_ if you behave now and go with him so you can go to bed. Okay? Same for you Dylan, I know you’re hiding behind the couch right now. And like your papa said, you can come see me tomorrow before your flight.” Sam kissed Pearl on the head gently as she slowly started to pull herself up, rubbing the tears from her eyes.

“Promise I get a story?” Sam smiled softly down at their niece.

“I promise. Maybe we can video chat, how’s that sound? But only if you behave right now. No more tears. And I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast.” Pearl nodded slowly before detangling herself from Sam’s lap and going over to Mally, still rubbing her eyes. Sam twisted in their seat and looked over the back of the couch to Dylan. “You going to behave too?” Dylan’s cheeks flushed as he looked away.

“Yeah… but I get a story too right?” he asked the second part in a whisper, his cheeks reddening more. Sam just chuckled.

“Yes, you do. I may even write it up and post it online if you like it well enough… how would you like that? A SICRhymes original, before the post.” Dylan’s eyes lit up and he nodded quickly. He rushed around and gave Sam a quick hug before heading over to Mally as well, looking more than ready to go. Mally just laughed a bit before helping the kids get into their coats and shoes.

“Okay ye two hell spawn, say goodbye ta yer uncles and aunts, grammy and grampy too.” Dylan and Pearl made their rounds, hugging and kissing everyone goodbye, Mally following suit. He gave an extra long hug to Sam [after asking if it was okay]. “Happy birthday Sami… ‘m glad I finally get ta share this one with ye.” Sam held back the tears in their eyes, smiling up at their oldest brother.

“Thanks Mally… I am too.” He pulled back and grabbed the kids, heading out with a wave. It wasn’t long before everyone else was leaving as well, giving goodbye hugs and promises to see each other soon. And just like that, it was back down to Sam, Seán, Signe, and Mark. 

“You know Seán, it’s always a circus around when you get your whole family together.” Signe said, walking around the living room to pick up some trash and generally straighten up. Seán, who was helping clean up, just laughed some.

“Oh don’t I know it. Just imagine if Simon, Allison, and Susan brought their spouses an kids too. They said they would’a liked ta all come but the space an Sami here what kept them away. Mally only brought the kids because they’d already gotten plane tickets. Val had ta work so she stayed home.” Sam nodded from their seat, staying on the couch as promised.

“I can’t wait to meet everyone else too… maybe sometime next month when it’s less hectic and I’ve been here for a while… yeah?” Seán nodded and smiled more. 

“Now it’s getting late, off ta bed with ye. Signe and I can get the rest of this done.” Seán shooed at Sam and Mark. Mark gave his friend a grateful smile before helping Sam into their wheelchair. They got their evening routine done quickly, clothes changed, teeth brushed, and Sam sat up in bed with their laptop in their lap and connected to Skype. Mark sat off to the side so he would be out of view, scrolling through his social media and answering tweets and comments. After a few more moments, Sam’s skype rang, and they answered, a smile on their face as they saw Pearl and Dylan beaming up at them.

“Hey kids. You behave for your dad?” both nodded quickly. “Okay then, you better be in your pjs and climb in bed. I’ll tell you a story when you’re all ready.” There was a bit of scrambling as both children moved from the desk over to the bed across from it and climbed under the covers. Mally could be seen sitting in the chair in the room.

“Thanks again fer this Sami, ye don’t know how much I appreciate it.” Sam blushed slightly but smiled.

“Hey, no issue big bro. It’s what I’m here for.” Mally’s face broke out into a huge grin when Sam called him ‘big bro’ and he leaned back in his chair, gesturing for Sam to start. Sam smiled as well, cleared their throat, and began to make up a story.

It only took about ten minutes of story telling before Sam noticed that not only were Dylan and Pearl asleep, but so was Mally, leaned back and sprawled out in his chair. Sam chuckled a bit and shook their head, knowing he would wake up with a crick in his neck because of it, but not being able to do anything about it. After double checking that everyone on the screen was asleep, Sam closed the video chat and shut their laptop down. Sam gave a slightly startled laugh when they finally looked up and noticed that Mark had fallen asleep as well, sitting up on the other side of the bed. Stifling their giggles, Sam moved their laptop away before pulling Mark down into the bed better.

“Mark… come on, you’re heavy. You need to lay down right…” Mark just mumbled in his sleep and twisted where he was sitting. Sam sighed before reaching up to tickle Mark’s side, which caused him to laugh and startle awake.

“Wh-what? Huh? What’s going on?” Sam laughed slightly, smiling up at him.

“You, as well as the kids, and my eldest brother, all fell asleep to me telling a story… now scoot down here and cuddle me damnit, it’s still my birthday and all I want is to cuddle my boyfriend.” Sam’s face flushed at the admission, but they were smiling. Mark smiled softly before scooting down and curling up on his side, pulling Sam in close for cuddles and kisses. He pressed his lips against their forehead first, then their nose, both cheeks, their chin, and finally their mouth. Sam sighed into the kiss, letting their eyes close as they let their fingers tangle in the fabric of Mark’s bed shirt. When Mark pulled away, Sam was half way to sleep.

“Hmm, best good night kiss ever… now get some sleep sweetheart. We have breakfast with the kids in the morning and I’m sure a bunch of other stuff to do.” Sam flushed bright at the term of endearment, smiling hesitantly before nodding some.

“You too… get some sleep… night Mark.” Sam leaned up and gave him another quick kiss before settling down in the blankets to get some sleep. Mark hummed happily, watching Sam quickly drift off. When he was sure that Sam was asleep, he pressed one last kiss to their forehead, his lips brushing along their skin as he whispered.

“Goodnight sweetheart… I love you…”


	33. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast with Mally and the kids, and movies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy first day of Halloween!!! New chapter!!!

Chapter 32

*** 

Sam and Mark woke early, around seven, when the alarm Sam set went off. Groaning and sitting up in bed, the two looked at each other and chuckled at their bed head.

“I don’t know how your hair manages to stick up in literally thirty different directions.” Mark commented, moving to stand and stretch. Sam gave a laugh, stretching as well before moving to slide into their wheelchair.

“You think mine’s bad, your hair looks like you stuck a fork in a socket. Literally, just a whole head of poof.” Mark laughed as well, smiling at Sam. They both dressed for the day before heading to the kitchen to let Sam take their meds and start up the coffee pot and kettle. While the two were sitting together, just enjoying their drinks, there was a knock on the front door. Mark went and answered, revealing Mally, Pearl, and Dylan, the children looking ridiculously excited.

“Morning!” Pearl gave a shout to Mark before heading into the kitchen and jumping at Sam, hugging them tight until they were situated in their lap. “Morning Uncle Sam! Where’s Uncle Jack?” Dylan walked into the kitchen as well, smiling some and waving to Sam. Mally walked in after, with Mark, giving an apologetic smile to Sam. Sam laughed a bit, hugging Pearl back.

“I think Seán is still asleep… maybe your papa can help you go wake him up?” Pearl squealed and jumped off of Sam’s lap to run down the hall and wake up Seán.” Mally chased after her, laughing slightly. Sam shook their head and smiled before turning to Dylan. “So, Dylan, did you want to help me make breakfast?” Dylan nodded and smiled, moving over to help Sam start breakfast. By the time Mally brought Pearl back to the kitchen, Seán and Signe were following them out, still in their pajamas.

“Morning.” Signe yawned, rubbing her eyes a bit. Seán made a bee line for the coffee pot, mumbling about hyperactive nieces and early mornings. Sam laughed, scrambling some eggs on the stove while Dylan loaded another set of bread in the toaster to toast. 

“Uncle Sam, I wanna help!” Sam chuckled before pointing to the fridge. 

“Think you can get out the butter and maybe the jam for our toast?” Pearl nodded happily and ran off to grab them from the fridge. Sam finished scrambling up the eggs, and reached into the oven to check on the bacon, before pulling that out as well to cool before they could eat. Quickly enough, everyone was gathered around the table, munching on toast and bacon and eggs. Pearl insisted on sitting on Sam’s lap again, and Dylan was on their side, Mark taking the seat next to them.

“So, what’re yer plans fer taday?” Mally asked as he sipped his coffee, watching the kids happily get along with his youngest sibling. Sam gave a shrug.

“Probably work on some more YouTube stuff, I have a few short things I can record, as well as that story I was telling the kids last night… does your neck hurt from falling asleep in the chair?” Seán snorted into his coffee, coughing out a laugh.

“Ye fell asleep listening to a story?” Mally’s cheeks flushed slightly and he his face in his coffee mug. Seán laughed, patting his brother on the shoulder. Dylan perked up, leaning closer to Sam.

“Ye were serious Uncle Sam? Yer gunna post it ta yer channel?” he seemed excited, knowing that something he got to listen to would be heard around the world! It was written for him! Dylan’s smile took up his whole face. Sam laughed and smiled wider.

“Of course I was serious. I’ll probably finish it though, you all fell asleep before I could even get to the part about the big chase scene. There were going to be explosions and the main character almost died.” Dylan gasped, leaning closer to Sam.

“What else, what else?” Pearl bounced in Sam’s lap.

“Is he gunna be okay Uncle Sam?” she looked up with concern all over her face. Sam laughed and kissed her head. 

“Of course sweetie. Now both of you need to finish breakfast, I’m sure you have to get headed out for your flight soon. But don’t worry, we can video chat some time later and I’ll finish telling you the story, okay?” both children nodded quickly and finished up their breakfast. Mally laughed, smiling widely.

“Ye know, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten them ta do anything faster than ye just did Sam… if ye didn’t live so far away I’d want ye ta babysit all the time.” Sam laughed and smiled, helping Pearl off of their lap. 

“And I would love to, I’m pretty good with kids. Helps that I can just make up stories off the top of my head.” Mally smiled before moving over and giving Sam a quick hug.

“Okay kids, got your shoes and coats? Yes? Okay let’s say goodbye to everyone.” Dylan and Pearl made their rounds, giving Seán, Sam, and Signe a hug and kiss, and even giving Mark a quick hug too before corralling back by their dad. Before they knew it, Mally and the kids had said their goodbyes and were already gone. Sam gave a sigh, sagging in their seat and rubbing their eyes.

“Man… I feel like I’ve been running and running and running for a month straight…” Mark gave a chuckle before placing his hands on Sam’s shoulders, massaging the tense muscles. Sam groaned and sagged into their seat more, leaning back into Mark’s hands.

“You have had it pretty tough the last couple of days, more like the last week or so really. With everything that’s happened, I’m surprised you’re still going.” Seán and Signe puttered around the kitchen, cleaning up from breakfast, but were done in quick order.

“Ye should realx taday, maybe we can just watch some cartoons or somethin’, I know Mark an I are actually caught up and ahead on videos, so we could even take tha day off.” Seán piped in, finishing putting away the last of the cleaned dishes. Sam nodded slightly, eyes closed and head lulled back.

“Hmmmmm…” was their only response. Signe laughed, drying her hands after washing the dishes.

“Mark, I think you broke Sam…” Mark chuckled a bit, sliding his thumbs against the back of Sam’s neck.

“Nah, they did the same thing when I did this before… I think Sam let’s the anxiety and stress build up really badly and doesn’t take care of it, leaving them really tense all the time. Isn’t that right babe?” Sam just hummed again, giving another moan when Mark’s fingers found a particularly tough knot. Mark chuckled again as he continued to work out the knots and kinks in Sam’s neck and shoulders. “I think Jack’s right though, you’re officially on vacation today, no work, no stress, just relaxing.” Sam hummed in agreement slightly. Seán laughed and walked out with Signe to the living room, setting up the TV to play a movie. After a few minutes Mark followed, pushing Sam in their wheelchair. Sam was slumped in their seat, looking absolutely relaxed.

“Now that’s a face I like ta see on ye.” Sam flushed slightly but smiled up at their twin as Mark helped them move to the couch. After sitting down, all four getting comfortable in their seats, Signe pressed play on the remote. Mark squealed like a child when Tangled started playing, causing Sam to laugh and cuddle closer to him. Blushing hotly, Mark ducked his head, but smiled as he leaned into Sam.

“Sorry… I just love Disney movies… also I apologize if I start singing.” Sam laughed, smiling more.

“Oh don’t worry about it, you’ll be lucky if I don’t sing… but it’ll be weird because I do their voices so it sort of sounds like surround sound.” The other three laughed as they settled in, letting the movie play.


	34. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movies and Subscribers

Chapter 33

*** 

Two movies later and a bathroom break in-between, and the group was ready for lunch. Sam had, in fact, sang along with the songs they knew, doing perfect impersonations of the actors voices, which made the experience even better for the others. Signe insisted on cooking, so Sam asked Mark to grab their laptop.

“What do you need that for? I thought we were taking a break from work today?” Sam just laughed and smiled some.

“I just wanted to jot down the story idea I had that I was going to work on, the one I was telling the kids last night. If I have a basic idea how I want it to go it’ll be easier to remember. I figured I would check my pages as well, I was going to do it like a day after my face reveal but I totally forgot about it.” Mark gave a quick nod before going to grab Sam’s laptop from the guest room. As Sam sat up more, getting more comfortable in their seat on the couch, Mark came back into the room, Sam’s laptop cradled in the nook of his elbow. He handed it over, along with Sam’s glasses that he had grabbed from the room as well, and plopped back down next to Sam on the couch to keep cuddling. Seán poked his head in from the kitchen, where he was helping Signe with lunch, and smiled at the two squeezed on the couch together.

“Hey, Signe wants ta know if pasta is okay. And also if we can watch another episode of ‘Face Off’ after lunch, we should be pretty close ta being caught up.” Sam looked back over the back of the couch at their twin and smiled.

“Yeah, sounds good. I got both some red and some white sauce, they’re in the jars in the cabinet.” 

“Got it, thanks!” Seán gave a quick thumbs up before going back into the kitchen; Sam swiveled back around in their seat and logged into their computer after it had finished loading, shoving their glasses onto their face. After a few moments of checking emails, as well as replying quickly to Spencer’s skype message, Sam loaded up YouTube and moved into their personal page. As their eyes skimmed on the page, they froze over their subscriber count. The numbers, sitting there innocently enough, had quite literally doubled in the week since Sam’s face reveal, showing a total of over sixty million subscribers. Sam stared blankly at the number for a solid minute before their vision started to turn black. 

_‘I think my heart stopped… oh… I stopped breathing…’_ Sam belatedly thought before their eyes rolled back in their head and they knew no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY


	35. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello hospital my old friend

Chapter 34

*** 

Sam woke with a horrible headache. When they slowly opened their eyes, all they could see was white. 

_‘What happened? Wasn’t I watching movies with Mark, Seán and Signe? I remember we were going to have lunch and I was checking my YouTu—‘_ Sam stopped thinking mid-word, blinking slowly. The pure white faded away slightly, showing them they were in a hospital room. Sam could feel the breathing tube plugged into their nose, and pain bloomed across their chest. Sam gasped, alerting the other occupants of the room that they were awake. Mark’s and Seán’s bright colored hair was the first thing Sam noticed, as the two rushed over to the side of Sam’s bed.

“Oh my god you’re awake. You scared the fuck out of us!” Mark had tears in his eyes as he grabbed up Sam’s hand, squeezing it tightly to try and stop the trembling in his fingers. Seán had leaned over and hugged Sam tightly, causing them to gasp out in pain again before he jumped back, as if hurt himself.

“Oh god Sami, ye were… ye…” tears ran down his face as he shook, his eyes wide with fear.

“What—” Sam coughed, their throat dry. “What happened? I remember looking at my YouTube and seeing those numbers and then just… I know I stopped breathing… but why does my chest hurt?” Mark squeezed Sam’s hand tighter, pulling up the seat he had been sitting in before.

“You just stopped moving, and I tried to get your attention but I don’t think you could hear me… you stopped breathing and passed out and I shouted your name but nothing. I had to try and perform CPR while Jack called an ambulance… Sam you…” tears were running down his face as well. “Your heart stopped… they had to shock it to get it going again and keep you on oxygen… Sam you died… you were… you were dead for five minutes… and I… we couldn’t…” Mark sobbed, breaking down in front of Sam. Seán was crying too, moving to wrap an arm around Mark’s shoulders and squeeze him tightly. Singe walked back into the room, having walked out to grab the doctor when Sam had woken up, and quickly moved to Seán’s side to hold onto him. It was the same doctor who had taken care of Sam after they had been stabbed, and he smiled a bit sadly at the group.

“Well, Mr Clarcson, when I told ye I wanted ta see ye in two weeks I meant two weeks… ye seem ta have had other plans.” Sam gave a watery smile at the joke, but their eyes never left their family, Seán and Signe and Mark, who were all trying to get control of their tears.

“Sorry doc, I… got some surprising news and I just… I haven’t had a panic attack like that in a few years…” Sam squeezed Mark’s hand tighter, trying to convey that they were okay now. The doctor sighed, looking over Sam’s chart.

“Well, ye were rushed in sometime yesterday afternoon, ye had completely stopped breathin’ an by the time ye got here yer heart had stopped. They used tha defibrillator on ye ta get yer heart started again. Ye were legally dead fer five minutes and thirty-six seconds before they got yer heart ta kickstart again. Ye’ve been unconscious fer nearly thirty hours now. Ye’ll probably be in a bit of pain fer a while across yer chest from the electrocution but ye’ll be fine in a few days, if not a bit on the tender side. Yer lucky yer family here brought ye in right away and started CPR when they did, or ye might not have made it.” The doctors words rang deep in the minds of the four, realizing how close they had actually come to losing Sam forever. 

“I’m sorry…” Sam let out a sob, their body shaking as tears slipped down their face. “I’m so sorry…” they were looking at Mark, Seán, and Signe through the tears. The doctor gave a small sigh before putting Sam’s chart back down. 

“We’re keeping ye overnight fer observations, but we can release ye tomorrow inta the care of yer family. Visiting hours are over soon, but we might be able ta look the other way considerin’ the circumstances… just keep it down, yeah? The nurse will be by later with yer dinner and some medication fer the pain.” Sam nodded, still not looking away from the other three, a million apologies in their eyes and tears on their face. With that, the doctor headed out of the room, leaving the four to themselves again.

“How’s the pain?” Signe asked after a beat of silence, needing to hear Sam speak, needing to hear anyone speak and break the tension.

“Not too bad now… hurt a lot when I woke up, but probably because I wasn’t expecting it… I’m so sorry for scaring you guys like that… I really do need to go back to a therapist and get things figured out… I probably need to adjust my medication… sorry I just wasn’t…” Sam took a deep breath, rubbing their eyes with their free hand, their other one still clasped tightly in Mark’s. “My channel doubled… I… I literally have more subscribers than Felix now… I don’t… I never expected this… I never wanted anything like this to happen… how am I supposed to do this now? I…” Sam choked on a sob, their tears coming back full force. “I should never have done a face reveal… I should never have bothered any of you… I’m so sorry… all I do is hurt everyone… all I do is cause trouble for everyone… I’m so sorry I—” Sam stopped when Mark pulled his hand away from theirs suddenly and stood, his hair hanging down over his eyes. “Mark… what—” he tilted his head and looked at Sam.

“Don’t you even fucking dare start talking like all you’ve done is be a burden… you are… you have brought such happiness to so many people in such a short period of time… you don’t even… please…” he started sounding angry, but dissolved into pleading by the end. Sam swallowed the lump in their throat, nodding slowly and trying to stop the tears. Mark took his seat again, quickly taking up Sam’s hand and squeezing it. Seán and Signe sat as well, keeping close. Seán had reached out and placed a hand on Sam’s arm, squeezing as well.

“I just got ye back in my life… I’m not ready ta lose ye…” Seán mumbled, tears still slowly rolling down his face; he took a deep breath to try and regain his composure. “Please Sami… ya need ta take care of yerself more…” Sam nodded, turning their head away from the three and looking down, sadness and regret all over Sam’s face. Signe leaned forward, resting a hand on Sam’s head, before kissing their hair gently.

“I’m so glad you’re okay… we thought we lost you… that was the single most scary thing ever, and I never want it to happen again.” Sam nodded again, hand tightening in Mark’s hold to try and stop the shaking.

“I’m sorry… I’m just… I can never apologize enough for what I made you guys go through…” Sam took another deep breath, glad to have the oxygen tube to help make breathing easier, before looking back to the three. “But I’m okay… I’m going to be okay… and if it’s any consolation, this is the first time a panic attack has been that bad… I mean yeah I’ve stopped breathing before because of one, but I think that was because I had a blocked airway too… a broken nose will do that for you…” Sam gave a small, sad smile. “Now, I’m sure you guys haven’t eaten or slept since I got here… god he said yesterday… that means today is Thursday. You should get something to eat and probably head home to get some sleep. I’ll be right here when you get back.” Before Sam even finished speaking, all three were shaking their heads.

“Well yer right that we haven’t really slept, but we’ve had some food and I’m pretty sure ye couldn’t make us leave if ye tried.” Seán said, giving Sam’s arm another squeeze, just happy to be able to touch his twin and know that they were alive and safe. Sam sighed a bit but nodded.

“Okay, but have you eaten recently? You guys should really get some food.” Signe nodded slightly before nudging Seán some.

“Come on Seán, let’s go grab something to eat…” Seán looked up at Signe before shooting a glance at Mark; he looked back to Signe and nodded slightly. 

“We’ll be back soon. Mark, ye’ll watch Sami for us, yeah?” Mark nodded, but didn’t say anything. As Seán and Signe left, they made sure to close the door quietly behind them, giving Mark and Sam some privacy.

“Hey… will you look at me?” Sam asked, looking over at Mark, whose head was dropped towards the floor. He slowly looked up at Sam, tears still staining down his face.

“I thought I lost you… you got loaded onto the stretcher and the EMT took over CPR and they were trying to get you to breathe… they let Jack and I ride in the back with you and Signe rode in the front and… Sam I watched your heart stop… I saw you die right in front of me…” Mark was shaking again. Sam quickly let go of his hand and opened their arms.

“Come here…” Mark let out another sob as he moved, carefully so as not to hurt Sam more, and leaned over the bed to hug them. “Come lay down next to me, there’s plenty of room… I’m pretty sure Seán won’t mind too much…” Sam gave a small laugh, but still tugged at Mark, trying to get him to lay down. It took a bit, but eventually Mark climbed into the bed with Sam, wrapping them up in his arms and holding them close. Sam looked up at Mark, sadness very evident on their face.

“I thought I lost you forever… and I just got you…” Sam leaned in and kissed Mark, keeping it short due to the oxygen tube still attached to their nose.

“I know… I’m sorry… I just… I can never make up for what you went through with that… I don’t even…” Sam sighed, resting their forehead against Mark’s. “I don’t even remember what happened… I just remember thinking that I had stopped breathing because the panic was swallowing me whole… and then I remember waking up with a headache, chest pain, and in a super white hospital room. And your hair.” Sam smiled a bit, bumping noses with Mark. “I remember seeing your and Seán’s hair." Mark gave a watery laugh, smiling just slightly as he bumped his nose back against Sam’s.

“Can you promise me something?” Sam gave a hum in affirmation. “Can… can you promise not to leave me?” Mark sounded hurt, lonely, almost broken. Sam kissed him again, moving to tighten their arms around him.

“I will do everything in my power to stay with you… I will do everything I can possibly do to make you happy and be here for you…” Sam closed their eyes, pressing their forehead against Mark’s more. “I promise to give it everything I’ve got… you have all of me Mark… you have every piece of me.” Sam felt Mark nod his head against theirs before kissing them again.

“I’ve got you… and you’ve got me. It’s a promise.” Sam smiled, opening their eyes to look into Mark’s, smiling softly at the dedication they saw in those umber pools. They kissed again, soft and sweet and slow, knowing that everything was okay now; Sam was alive and safe and everything was going to be okay. When they broke the kiss, Sam curled up against Mark’s chest, their head tucked under his chin; and just like that, Sam fell back asleep. That was how Seán and Signe found them when they returned with food; both curled around each other, sleeping peacefully in the other’s arms, looking like there was no where else in the world that they would rather be.


	36. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam HATES hospitals

Chapter 35

*** 

Sam hated the hospital. With every fiber of their being. After being stuck there for another night, having literally nothing to do but just lay there and talk with Mark and Seán and Signe, they were finally happy to be able to go home.

 _‘Huh… I can’t believe it’s been a week and I already consider living with Seán as home… then again, I don’t think living with **her** was ever home…’_ Sam idly thought as Seán filled out Sam’s release forms before handing them off to the nurse. 

“Man I can’t wait to get out of here… I hate hospitals.” Mark complained, moving to help Sam get in their wheelchair. “All it does is give me bad memories.” Sam nodded in agreement, settling back in their seat, glad to be back in normal clothes as well.

“I know… I’ve never spent so much time in a hospital before.” Signe frowned, quirking her head to the side.

“Even after…” Sam looked up and blinked, realizing what they had admitted, before looking away.

“Ah… no… _she_ never took any of us to the hospital… up side and down side of having a registered nurse raise you I guess…” the room broke into silence at Sam’s words. 

“Sami…” Seán’s voice was small, but Sam just shook their head.

“No it’s… well it’s not fine, but you know what I mean. It’s over and _she’s_ paying for her crimes... now come on, I am so totally ready for something besides hospital food, white walls, and the smell of antiseptic.” Seán suddenly snorted, covering his mouth to stop his sudden laughter. Sam blinked in confusion before realizing what they had said and rolled their eyes. “Oh ha-ha. Anti Septic, yeah I get it.” Their deadpan reply just caused the other three to laugh fully before pushing Sam out of the room and out of the hospital and towards home.


	37. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three. Little. Words.

Chapter 36

*** 

The rest of the day was spent with Sam sitting on the couch and hardly moving. Their chest still ached anytime they moved the wrong way because they had gotten their heart jump started. They had also noticed a serious of bruises down the middle of their chest, they suspected from when Mark, and then the EMT, performed CPR, as well as from the defibrillator. Signe was acting normally, but both Seán and Mark would jump any time Sam showed a little bit of pain, asking if there was anything they could do to help. It was really starting to get on Sam’s nerves.

“Oh my fucking god, no! I am fine! I do not need either of you tripping over yourselves to take care of me. I’m already being as careful as I possibly can and just sitting here. I didn’t offer to make dinner, or clean up. I haven’t done literally anything since we got back except sit on the couch and go to the bathroom. By all that gives! I swear I will kick you both out of this apartment if you do not stop.” Sam had never really shouted at either of them before, but the death glare they were both getting from Sam had them backing up with their hands raised in complacence. 

“I’m sorry Sami, I just want ta help...” Seán sounded lost as his shoulders slumped, head dropping. Mark looked away, frowning.

“I’m sorry Sam... I just... I hate seeing you hurting and... I guess we were kinda going over board.” Mark scratched the back of his neck. Sam sighed, deflating in their seat.

“I get it you guys... seriously... but I’m gunna be okay. I promise. I’m not even going to look at my YouTube until I think I can handle it, and I’m not doing anything that would cause anxiety or panic. But the two of you freaking out over every little thing is really getting to me...” Signe sighed from the kitchen, causing the other three to look over to her.

“Sam they’re worried because we know you have a high pain tolerance, and every time you show a little pain, we know it must be really bad. Seán, Mark, Sam is doing literally nothing that will cause them any more unnecessary pain, and is an adult, and can take care of themself. They have been for years now. So both of you just sit down, put on some cartoons or something, or you know what? Go on Steam and play a game together; no recording, just play. And let me finish making dinner in peace!” Signe stormed back into the kitchen from the doorway to finish making supper for everyone. Mark and Seán flinched at Signe’s harsh words, but Sam was smiling slightly. 

“Well, you heard the lady. Boys, load some Steam... I feel like kicking your ass in some Ultimate Chicken Horse.” Seán laughed, but complied, turning on the TV so they could play some games. After getting everything loaded, as well as handing out controllers, the guys sat down on the couch next to Sam, surrounding them, and they began to play. After a few rounds of Ultimate Chicken Horse, they switched to Rocket League and played some of that. In the middle of a round, Signe walked out, carrying a tray with three bowls of soup as well as buttered bread on it and set it down on the coffee table. Sam, seeing the food, and not doing that well in the round, abandoned their game controller in favor of smiling up at Signe and accepting a bowl of soup and some bread. It only took the guys a few minutes more before the call of food was too much and they too abandoned the game for dinner. Signe had grabbed drinks for everyone as well and sat down in the chair with her own bowl and bread and together they had a nice, quiet dinner, accompanied by mindless chatter. When bed time rolled around, Mark helped Sam get into the bed before climbing in himself. Unlike other nights, Mark stayed on his side of the bed. Sam frowned, glancing at him slightly, before giving a heart broken sigh and laying back completely, staring desolately at the ceiling. 

“What was that for?” Mark asked, still staying on his side of the bed, but rolling over to face Sam.

“I’m sorry if I did something wrong...” Mark blinked in surprise.

“Wrong? What are you talking about?” Sam turned and frowned at him, before gesturing the distance between them.

“I have to have done something wrong since you’re all the way over there...” Mark blinked in shock, looking up at Sam with surprise all over his face.

“Sam you didn’t do anything wrong... I just... I didn’t want to cause you any pain... I know your chest hurts and I just—” Sam huffed and looked away from him.

“I’m not comfortable unless I’m in your arms... it's hard for me to sleep now when you’re not here... it sure as hell is going to make things more difficult when you leave in two days...” Sam had tears in their eyes as they bit their lip. “I just... kinda wanted to get in as much cuddling as possible since I don’t even know when I’m going to see you next...” there was silence for a moment before Sam felt Mark’s arm gently wrap around their waist. Sam turned back to look at Mark, whose face was sheepish.

“I’m sorry... I just seem to be messing up today.” Sam shook their head a bit before turning onto their side and cuddling into him, ignoring the slight pain across their bruised breast bone they felt from moving the wrong way. 

“I’m sorry... I just... I’m really going to miss you... I never expected this to happen... I never expected to meet you like this and for anything like this to happen... and now we live so far away from each other and I just... I’m going to miss you terribly. My followers can be sure to expect some pretty sad stuff in the following weeks.” Mark kissed Sam on the forehead.

“Hey now, no sadness. It’s not allowed. You’ve had far too much in your life. I just want you to be happy...” Sam gave a small hum.

“Well I have tomorrow with you and then part of Sunday... and then you’ll be gone... are you sure you’re not going to forget about me all the way out there in California?” Sam looked up at Mark, slight joking in their voice, but their eyes gave away the small amount of fear they held deep in their heart. Mark saw this and leaned in, kissing Sam deeply. When he pulled back, they were both slightly breathless. He rested his forehead against Sam’s and looked deep into their clear blue eyes.

“I could never forget about you...” Mark swallowed the nerves that were building up in his chest before he spoke again. “I love you too much to ever forget about you.” Sam gasped, eyes widening as they pulled back to look at Mark fully. His cheeks were flushed pink, but he was smiling warmly at Sam, nodding gently.

“You... Mark are you... do you... I...” Sam couldn’t finish a thought, their mind racing. Mark loved them? “... do you really mean that?” they sounded hesitant. Mark nodded again, pressing a gentle kiss against Sam’s forehead, then nose, then lips.

“I do... I really do. I love you Sam. Being away from you is going to be so hard, but I love you, and I’ll do whatever I can in my power to make you happy.” Tears sprung to Sam’s eyes as they looked at Mark.

“I... I love you too... oh god I have for years... I never thought... I didn’t think anything like this could... I never...” Sam let out a small sob, moving to hug Mark tightly, pressing their face against his chest to hide their tears. Mark hugged Sam close, pressing kisses into their hair and gently rubbing their upper back.

“Shh, it’s okay... I’ve got you. Now... I think we should both get to sleep, okay?” Sam nodded, pressing closer, sniffling slightly.

“Yeah... yeah... we should sleep...” Sam rubbed their eyes before looking up at Mark with a small smile on their face. “I love you...” Mark smiled back, giving Sam a quick kiss.

“I love you too Sam, good night.” Sam’s smile only widened before cuddling closer.

“Night.” And they both closed their eyes, letting the exhaustion of the day overtake them, until nothing but sweet oblivion and comfort held them close.


	38. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An early morning chat

Chapter 37

*** 

Sam woke with a pit of dread sitting deep in their stomach. Tomorrow evening Mark would be leaving Ireland to go back to America. Slowly looking up, they noticed Mark was still snoring away. Sam gave a rueful smile as they watched him sleep, only mildly noticing it was around five in the morning. Sam continued to watch Mark, remembering the conversation they had last night and still not believing it.

 _‘Was it just a dream? There’s no way he would ever love me... it had to have been a dream...’_ Sam was so focused on this train of thought they didn’t even realize Mark’s eyes were open.

“You’re thinking too loud...” Mark’s deep morning voice rumbled, startling Sam out of their reprieve. 

“Sorry... I just... did last night really happen? Did you really tell me...” Sam trailed off, not being able to look at Mark anymore. He laughed, leaning in and giving Sam a sleepy good morning kiss, his fingers tangling in their hair as they kissed.

“Yes,” he whispered as he pulled back, his forehead resting against Sam’s as he looked in to their eyes. “Last night happened... and I really told you that I love you. And I really mean it, I do. I love you. I feel like I’ve known you for years because I’ve followed SICRhymes, and just actually getting to meet you and know you, it’s just made it so much easier to fall in love with you. You’re a sweet, kind person, who cares about everyone around them. You’ve had the world on your shoulders for so long, and I just...” he sighed slightly, smiling a bit more. “You made it super easy to fall in love with you. I can’t really imagine my life without you in it now...” Sam’s face flushed as they smiled up at him. “I mean... even before I knew you... I don’t think I could imagine my life without SICRhymes either.” He gave a chuckle, cuddling closer to Sam. “But I think I would be more devastated to lose you than SICRhymes...” Sam blinked in confusion.

“But... we’re the same person.” They stated, pressing their face against Mark’s neck, letting their eyes close to just rest against him. Mark hummed slightly, nuzzling his face into Sam’s hair.

“Well I mean... say we never met, and one day, SICRhymes just stopped posting stuff. Say something happened to you, God forbid, but something happened and you... weren’t around anymore. I would be sad I didn’t get to have anymore updates, but I wouldn’t know what happened to you, and I’m sure that eventually, all you would be was a memory. But now... if you left... if I lost you... I would be losing part of myself. The best part of myself.” Sam’s face flushed at his words, pressing their face closer to him to hide their blush.

“Stop that... if something happened to me you would go on, still be super ridiculously successful... probably find someone else...” Mark pulled back to look down at Sam.

“No... pretty sure if something happened to you now, I’d go back to how I was before... like when I lost my dad.” Sam blinked slowly, brows drawn together.

“Mark... were... were you suicidal?” Mark’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I think I was passively suicidal... I never tried anything, but I was so depressed, I didn’t really care if I died.” His eyes were sad as he kept looking at Sam. “Depression hit me pretty hard after my dad passed away... I’m pretty sure I started having it when I was younger, when my parents divorced, but when I lost my dad it just... got so much worse. Didn’t help I got out of a pretty unhealthy relationship around then and was fighting with my mom too.” Mark’s eyes closed for a moment before he opened them back up to look at Sam. Sam’s eyes had tears in them as they looked up at Mark, just holding onto him and letting him get it all out.

“I’m sorry... I know what it’s like to lose your dad... it wasn’t easy for me either.” Sam sighed, looking down, fingers fidgeting with Mark’s sleep shirt. “When dad died... it was before I had started actually posting things online... it was before you did too. I... didn’t really have anywhere to turn to... I didn’t have any _one_ to turn to. I had CJ and Matty but they were dealing with dad’s death too... _she_ wouldn’t even listen to us when we said something about him... just go off and get drunk. That... was when the real physical abuse started... dad wasn’t there to catch the bruises anymore. Or the breaks.” Sam sighed heavily, pressing closer to Mark when they felt his arms tighten around them. “I started college at eighteen, so when dad passed, it was the October before I turned nineteen. I held up until Christmas break, but when I had to be home all the time and couldn’t just focus on school... I tried to kill myself on December twelfth, 2008... that’s what the big one on the inside of my left thigh is. CJ found me and got me to the hospital before I could bleed out completely. I was there, between ICU and the psych ward, until school started again mid January. I just... I had to keep pushing, I had to keep strong. For CJ, for Matty... that’s when I started writing a lot and added the English as my minor. I took extra classes during summer break to keep busy, got two jobs to help support the family since _she_ wouldn’t, and when the school year rolled around again in the fall, I met Spencer.” Sam knew there were tears in their eyes, knew that Mark was probably crying too, but they couldn’t look up at him. “Spencer helped save me. He was the first real friend I ever had... I mean I had been friendly with people before but Spencer was just... there for me, you know? He was always kind and helped me however I needed... he was the one who convinced me to write more, suggested that I publish my stuff, but I never told him about starting a YouTube channel. I tried to publish some of my books but I never did get anyone who would take a chance on me.” Sam gave out a dry laugh, smiling slightly. “They probably would now... I bet if I try and publish, my books will fly off the shelves... and the audio books will go just as fast if not faster.” Sam felt a kiss pressed into their hair, causing them to look up at Mark. They were right; he did have tears in his eyes. Sam brought a hand up to wipe his tears away, smiling softly at him.

“I’m glad you’re still here... I’m glad you survived... how many other times did you try?” Mark didn’t want to ask... but he _needed_ to know. Sam gave a heavy sigh, eyes shifting away from Mark again.

“Seven... mostly around December or January... when Christmas rolled around or dad’s birthday... it was always harder around then... when you started posting videos, and when Seán started posting, I would watch every time I felt like cutting... I would go watch your videos and listen to you scream like a five year old getting scared, or cursing out something or other... it helped me take my mind off of things. Spencer helped me out as much as he could... called an ambulance far too many times, or took me there himself... Matty did once, that was the last time I tried. He kept sobbing when they had me strapped down to the bed so I wouldn’t hurt myself, begging me to stay... he couldn’t lose me like he lost dad. So I stopped. The last time I tried I was twenty-four, so I’ve been three years without... it’s when I stopped cutting too, so it’s been three years for that as well. I’ve still had my moods, still had those thoughts, but I haven’t acted on them in three years.” Sam slowly looked back to Mark, seeing the tears streaming down his face. They leaned up, gently kissing him and brushing his tears away. “Your voice is the one I listened to, the one I spoke to myself, when I felt like I was at my weakest. You are what helped me stop. You are what helped me still be here. Even with Matty begging me... I don’t think I would still be here if it wasn’t for you and Seán.” Mark gave a small sob before pulling Sam closer, pressing his face into their hair. He was shaking, his body reacting to his grief.

“I almost... I almost didn’t have you... I almost lost you...” he held back his sob, clinging to Sam tighter. Sam held him back, pressing as close as they could.

“But you didn’t... I’m still here... and I want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can before you have to leave tomorrow night... now I don’t know about you, but it’s only five thirty... wanna try and catch a few more hours of sleep?” Mark sniffled loudly, moving a hand to rub at his eyes. He nodded slowly, pressing a quick kiss against Sam’s forehead again. Sam pressed close, letting their eyes close and their body relax.

“Sorry I’m a weepy mess...” Mark murmured a few moments later when he had started to calm down. Sam just kissed his throat gently, squeezing their hand on his side.

“It’s fine... I’m sure you’ll have to deal with me being one when you leave... we probably both will be. Seán will make fun of us forever because of it.” Sam’s smile pressed into Mark’s skin, spreading warmth. 

“Yeah, probably... think you’ll be able to get back to sleep?” Sam nodded slightly into Mark’s throat.

“Yeah... I’m still pretty exhausted... and besides, you make such a good pillow. You’re like my own personal space heater, so nice and warm and cuddly. Perfect.” Mark chuckled at that, smiling slightly.

“You’re just the right size to hold, you fit perfectly against me... I’m gunna miss this when I have to leave.” Sam gave a small noise of sad agreement. 

“Yeah... it’ll be hard to get back into sleeping alone... but for another night I have you here... now shush, sleep. I love you.” Sam’s smile only grew as they spoke those words.

“Okay, okay, I love you too... sweet dreams Sam.” And again, the two fell asleep, curled into one another with smiles on their faces.


	39. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast and games

Chapter 38

*** 

Sam woke to the feeling of kisses being pressed against their forehead and hair. A low hum came from deep in their chest as they let their eyes open. Sam saw Mark, pressing gentle kisses against Sam’s face, moving down slowly when he noticed that Sam was awake to continue trailing his lips against Sam’s nose, cheeks, and finally pressing a warm, slow kiss against Sam’s lips. Sam moved to thread their fingers through Mark’s hair and slowly kiss him back, enjoying waking up with him pressed close.

“Hmm, I could get used to this... how dare you wake me with kisses when I know you can’t do it forever...” Mark gave a small whimper at Sam’s words.

“Hey... don’t start that with me... I would keep you forever if I could... but you have to stay out here for your surgery... and I know you want to be close to your family... so I’ll just have to deal with long distance...” Mark’s eyes found Sam’s, with a small hopeful look. “At least for now...” Sam flushed hotly, but smiled up at him, leaning in to kiss Mark again.

“For now... I still need time to heal up before I can go trapezing around the globe to see my family and boyfriend... man I can’t wait to travel... I’ve never really gotten the chance to before. I wanna visit so many places... if we can get you some time off, you should come with me.” Mark chuckled and gave Sam another kiss before sitting up.

“I would love to. But it’s like eight, we should probably get up.” Sam groaned, but sits up as well, moving to slide into their wheelchair. The process was getting easier and easier as time went on, and Sam wasn’t sure if they were happy about that or if it upset them that they were getting used to being in a wheelchair.

“God I can’t wait to get rid of this thing... I can’t wait to walk again... I can’t wait to be less dependent on other people. I’m just... I’m just not used to it.” Mark nodded, humming slightly as he moved to grab some clothes for them both. After changing, and helping Sam change, the two headed out to the kitchen. Surprisingly, it was Seán who was cooking, Signe no where in sight.

“Morning, where’s Signe?” Mark asked as he pushed Sam to the table, going to grab himself a cup of coffee and Sam’s pills while he was at it.

“Still asleep, she got a bout o’ inspiration last night an didn’t get ta bed until about four, so I’m lettin’ her sleep a while longer. Got some toasted sandwiches cookin’ an some bacon in tha oven.” Sam smiled at their twin.

“So... is a toasted sandwich anything like a grilled cheese?” Sam asked, leaning their elbows on the table until Mark came over with their pills; they quickly swallowed them with some water he handed over as well before getting more comfortable in their seat again.

“I was wondering the same thing.” Mark said, sitting next to Sam and taking a sip of his coffee. Seán laughed some, flipping one of the sandwiches.

“Yeah, just cheese an bread cooked in lard. Ma used ta make these fer us when we were little an it’s one of tha recipes I actually know.” Sam hummed in approval. 

“Well it smells great... hey, can you grab out some tomato as well? You have no idea how good a grilled cheese with tomato and bacon is until you’ve had one.” Mark chuckled but stood to grab a tomato from the fridge and chop it with a cutting board on the counter next to Seán. 

“Well that sounds pretty good.” He said, finishing cutting the red fruit in short order, just as Seán was finishing up the sandwiches. Everything was dished up and Sam took some slices of bacon, as well as some slices of tomato, peeled their sandwich in half, and layered it all together. After putting everything back together, Sam took a huge bite and moaned as they chewed, getting surprised looks from the guys as they enjoyed their sandwich. Both men looked at the combination of food before following along with Sam’s lead, layering their sandwiches, and taking a tentative bite. They were both surprised at the wonderful taste and the three enjoyed their breakfast together. When the food was finished, and the kitchen cleaned up, the three made their way to the living room to sit and play some games. A few hours had passed when Signe finally walked out of the bedroom, looking far more tired than Sam had seen them.

“Oh sweetie, you look like you need some caffeine...” Sam commented, looking over the back of the couch at Signe. The men, hearing Sam’s comment, looked over at Signe as well.

“Oh love, ye want me ta make ye a fresh pot of coffee?” he put down his controller and stood, moving over to press a quick kiss to Signe’s forehead before going into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. Signe came over and plopped down in the seat Seán had just vacated, leaning over until she ended up splayed over Sam’s lap. Sam laughed, threading their fingers through Signe’s hair to try and tame it.

“You really didn’t sleep well, did you?” Signe just groaned, leaning into Sam’s touch.

“Didn’t get to bed until like four... didn’t fall asleep right away either... and then I just woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep...” Sam gave a small sigh and kept threading their fingers through Signe’s hair. Mark smiled slightly, wrapping an arm around Sam and cuddling close.

“Poor Signe, well, today is all for just relaxing and hanging out.” Mark said, smiling some when Signe hummed her approval. Sam continued to play with Signe’s hair until Seán came out with two fresh cups of coffee, one for Signe and one for himself.

“Not ta be a downer, but ye can’t drink yer coffee from Sam’s lap...” he chuckled as he set down Signe’s mug on the coffee table. Grumbling, Signe sat up and took her coffee in hand to slowly start drinking it, hoping it would wake her up.

“Well, now that we have that out of the way... did you want to join us in some games? I was just going to suggest we play something different. You in?” Sam squirmed in their seat to get more comfortable, as well as subtly cuddle against Mark a little more. Signe gave a small nod as she put down her coffee mug.

“Yeah, a game sounds fun. I could use a break from art for a day. What else is planned for today? Besides games and relaxing and _not_ going on YouTube.” She grabbed the spare controller as Seán squeezed in on the couch next to her, making the four completely squished together; none of them were overly wide people, but four grown adults hip to hip on a couch meant for three people was pushing it a bit.

“I was thinking ‘Face Off’? Since we didn’t get to catch up... they might even have the rest of the episodes for this season out, I’m not sure. I got so far behind it’s not even funny.” Sam gave a rueful smile, they could feel their hips pressed against both Signe and Mark... it was... nice. They’d never had this close of a relationship with anyone before, save Spencer. But one person versus three made a big difference.

“Oh man, I can’t wait ta see who goes home in this next episode.” Seán squirmed in his seat, causing Signe to laugh and elbow him in the side.

“Well you can find out after a few rounds of Overwatch, I wanna kick your ass.” Seán laughed at his girlfriends words before giving her a quick kiss.

“Yer on.” Mark hid his smile behind Sam, chuckling.

“It’s like they forgot we were even here...” Sam just nodded, smiling.

“Hey it’s okay, just means they won’t be expecting it when I kill them on the map.” Mark laughed, hugging Sam against his side as the game loaded and the two couples cuddled closer to their partners.


	40. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch and a date

Chapter 39

*** 

The four played some more games before taking a break for lunch. Sam whipped up some home made lasagna rolls, something they had seen on FaceBook that used a normal lasagna recipe but was easier to serve with less mess. After letting it bake and serving, everyone sat at the table to enjoy. Signe was the first one to take a bite and she moaned at the amazing taste.

“Oh my god, how the hell did you even... that took you like no time at all and it’s so good...” Seán and Mark were quick to follow Signe’s example, shoving a bite into their mouths and moaning at the heavenly taste. Sam’s face was bright red as the three complimented them on their food.

“Guys seriously... it’s just normal lasagna but it’s rolled instead of layered. Please stop.” Sam ducked their head, poking at their food and pushing it around the plate. Mark smiled and leaned over, pressing a kiss against the side of Sam’s head before going back to his food.

“Sorry, can’t help you’re a really good cook... and that literally everyone who has eaten your food has enjoyed it. You’ll just have to get used to the compliments. Now you should eat before it gets cold.” Sam flushed darker, ducking their head but smiling some at Mark’s words. Seán gave Mark a look, almost a warning, before Signe elbowed him, causing him to huff out in pain.

“Hey, what was that fer?” Seán rubbed his side and Signe rolled her eyes at him.

“Leave them alone Seán, they can flirt and date if they want to... I’m surprised Mark hasn’t asked Sam out yet.” Mark blinked, blushing at Signe’s words.

“Uhm... actually...” he scratched the back of his neck, both his and Sam’s cheeks pink. Seán stood, hands coming down on the table hard.

“What!? When did this happen!? Why didn’t ye tell me about it!?” Sam shrank away, starting to tremble. Signe immediately grabbed Seán’s arm and tugged him back into his seat.

“I don’t think you really want to yell at your twin, now do you?” her voice was harsh as she reached up to grab his ear, tugging until he yelped in pain.

“Ah, ow! Signe, stop, that hurts!” she let him go before pointing across the table to Sam and Mark; Seán’s eyes quickly looked to where she was pointing. Sam had their head dropped, their hair covering their face, but it was obvious they were crying; the shake of their shoulders and the way they were tense was a dead give away. Mark had his arms wrapped around Sam’s shoulders, pulling them into his chest as he rubbed their back and whispered soothing words into their ear. Seán immediately deflated, his shoulders dropping and guilt flooding his face. “Sami... Sami I’m sorry... I didn’t mean...” Sam just ducked their head more, pressing into Mark’s side. Mark gave a sigh before looking over to Seán.

“Listen Jack... I offically asked Sam out on Tuesday, we didn’t say anything because literally your entire family was here. And after... well the way things happened, we just didn’t get the chance to say anything, we weren’t trying to hide it from you, but after your reaction, I’m not surprised Sam didn’t say anything. I know Sam’s your twin and everything, but they’re an adult too, and I’m your fucking best friend. You think I would do something like take advantage of Sam or hurt them?” Seán flinched at Mark’s words, ducking his head as well.

“I’m sorry... Sami... Mark... I didn’t...” Seán sighed, looking back up across the table. “I’m not usually like this... I mean I’ve been protective over Allison and Susan when they were dating... I’m sorry. I know Mark wouldn’t hurt you Sami, Mark I do know that. I just... I’m sorry. I’m happy ye two are tagether... if ye want my blessin’ ye have it. I just want ye both ta be happy and safe, okay?” Sam slowly looked up at Seán, sniffling and rubbing their eyes a bit.

“Do... you mean that? That you... that you’re happy for us? Will you stop with the big macho man thing?” Seán flushed but nodded.

“Sorry... I’ll be better I promise.”

“Good.” Mark stated, giving Sam a quick squeeze. “Then you won’t mind that I want to take Sam out on a proper date tonight since it’s my last night in town.” Sam blinked up in surprise at Mark, mirroring the look on Seán and Signe’s faces. Signe laughed, smiling widely.

“You should absolutely take Sam on their first date. Seán and I can have a stay at home one while you two go out.” Sam flushed more, giving a small smile but nodding some.

“I would love to...” Mark’s smile could light the room with how bright it was.

“Good, then tonight I will take you... damn it really is your first date, isn’t it?” he suddenly sounded slightly lost, blinking and looking off in the distance. Sam smiled and gave a small laugh.

“Well, considering you were my first kiss too, I’m not surprised you’ll be my first date. And honestly, again, I’ve never been on a date before, so I won’t be able to tell if it’s a good date or a bad date.” Sam laughed when their words just seemed to make Mark worry more. Signe snickered along with Sam, both sharing smiles. Seán finally settled back down, going back to his food and enjoying it.

“Ye know, I think I’m gunna put on like two stones by eatin’ yer food Sam.” Sam scoffed as they took a bite of their own lasagna roll up.

“Seán you’re not going to gain fifteen pounds.” Mark blinked.

“Is that how much that is?” Sam nodded.

“One stone is equal to about seven and a half pounds, so two stones would be somewhere around fifteen.” Seán rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at them before stuffing his face with more food. Sam just shook their head before settling back to finish their food, their stomach already doing back flips in anticipation over their first date.


	41. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A first date

Chapter 40

***

Sam was sitting on the bed in the guest room, a frown on their face. Signe was there with them, sifting through Sam’s clothes.

“I don’t know what to wear though... I mean what do you wear on dates? I know you’re supposed to wear like, fancy clothes and stuff but I don’t _have_ any. I mean... the nicest things I have is like some nice jeans and maybe a collared shirt? I mean... I mostly have cotton shirts like tee shirts or three quarter sleeves... I don’t...” Sam flopped back on the bed, covering their eyes with their arm. “This is why I’m not good at this... god this is why no one ever _wanted_ to date me, I don’t even know _how_ to date. God it’s going to be horrible and he’s going to hate me and I just...” Sam sighed heavily, scrubbing their face. Signe looked over at Sam from their suitcase, rolling her eyes.

“Listen, Sam. Mark is crazy about you. You really don’t need to worry about what you’re wearing, okay? Now, that’s not to say I’m not going to help you pick out something that’s flattering. These are tight jeans, which will look good on your frame, and there’s a nice long sleeved shirt that will look good on you too. And the colors are complimentary. So, does this work?” Sam looked up and over at Signe, giving her a small smile.

“Thanks for putting up with me... you’re a good friend.” Signe rolled her eyes before tossing the clothes at Sam.

“Do you want my help getting dressed? And seriously, you’ll be fine. You’ll go, have dinner, maybe watch a movie, it’s just like hanging out normally but with even more cuddling and holding hands and kissing and stuff.” Sam flushed, but smiled some, Signe’s words calming them some and making them more excited than nervous.

“Yes please... jeans are still a trial for me... especially skinny jeans.” Signe laughed but helped Sam change. After struggling with changing their jeans, Sam and Signe headed back out to the living room. Mark was standing by the door, his hair swept to the side and slightly fluffy from running his fingers through it because of nerves. He was wearing some dark jeans as well as a tight tee shirt and his lucky flannel over it. Mark blushed as he saw Sam come back into the room, smiling warmly at them.

“You look great...” He said, reaching out to take Sam’s hand. Sam flushed and looked away from him.

“Thanks... you do too.” Signe coughed, reminding them that she was there; both blushed hotly and avoided her eyes.

“Well, I gave Sam the key, so come back whenever. Seán and I will be here when you get back.” And she waved at the two before heading out of the room to find Seán. Mark blushed before gesturing out the door, opening it so Sam could roll out. Sam shoved their hands against the wheels of their chair, rolling out into the hall and down towards the lift.

“Well, I asked Jack about places around town in walking distance, and how do you feel about Italian food? Also, there are a few movies playing down in the cinema if you wanted to go see something. There’s also a park around here if you wanted to go down there or if you want—” Mark had started pushing Sam, his hands on the handles of the wheelchair as he started to ramble.

“Woah, woah Mark, calm down. I’m good with whatever... remember I’ve never been on a date before. We could literally just go for a walk and some McDonalds if you want to, I don’t really care... I just... I’m happy to be spending some time alone with you without Seán breathing down my neck. No offense to my twin, but he’s been pretty overprotective considering we’ve only actually been with each other for two weeks now.” Sam scratched behind their ear, a nervous habit. Mark laughed slightly, leaning down to kiss Sam’s head as he loaded them into the lift. They rode down to the bottom floor quickly and Mark pushed Sam out again, smiling warmly as he looked down at them. 

“I think a stroll around town sounds like fun, and maybe some food. Then we can just head back and hope your brother isn’t getting busy with his girlfriend.” Sam made a face at Mark’s words, laughing.

“Ew, I don’t need to think about that.” Mark laughed as well, smiling more. They strolled together for a while, just talking and getting to know each other a little better; it was kind of hard to do since they were both fan’s of the others YouTube channels, and their lives were fairly open to public scrutiny. Eventually they both got hungry enough to find something to eat and Mark brought Sam to a little Italian place that had mood lighting and candles on the tables. 

“I hope this place is good enough...” Mark shifted in his seat, pulling at the collar of his shirt. Sam rolled their eyes, opening their utensils. 

“Mark it’s fine. I like Italian, we did have lasagna for lunch after all.” Mark blushed but smiled as he took a sip from his water. He reached across the table and took up Sam’s hand, holding it while they chatted, waiting to order. Their waiter came over after a bit, smiling and holding a note pad.

“What can I get ye tonight?” Mark looked up to the waiter, smiling some.

“I’m having the manicotti, and they’re having the tortellini. Both in the mixed sauce.” Their waiter nodded, jotting their order down before walking off to get their orders in. He stopped back by the table to refill their water glasses as well as drop off some fresh baked bread.

“Oh man, my favorite part of any Italian restaurant, the free bread.” Mark barked out a laugh as Sam grabbed one of the rolls and tore a piece off to pop it into their mouth. They both munched the bread until their meals were brought out. As they ate, swapping bites here and there, they continued to chat.

“And every year we would try and find this little pickle ornament in the tree, whoever found it got an extra present.” Mark said, gesturing with the last of his bread before he used it to soak up what was left of his sauce. Sam hummed slightly, smiling.

“Yeah we learned about that in my German class when I was in high school. I’m glad you got to keep some of your German traditions while growing up. We would always open one present on Christmas Eve, and then everything else on Christmas day. We never really got much, but little things were okay. I remember getting up at six on Christmas morning and sneaking into CJ’s room to open our stockings together, and then just excitedly waiting for eight to roll around so dad would wake up.” Mark nodded, smiling as Sam shoved the small piece of bread into their mouth. 

“I’m glad you had some too. What was your favorite Christmas present?” Sam hummed, toying with the final bit of their bread before they dunked it in their sauce and popped it in their mouth.

“Probably my seventh Christmas. Dad got me the first Harry Potter book, it had just come out that year, and I hadn’t gotten to read it yet. It really got me fully into reading and writing, and without that push from my dad, I don’t know if I would have gone through with writing like I did.” Sam’s smile was soft, but sad as they looked down at their nearly empty water glass. Mark took up Sam’s hand again, giving it a squeeze.

“I’m sure he would be super proud of you if he could see how much you’ve grown... and how far you’ve come.” Sam just nodded, giving Mark’s hand a squeeze back. The two quickly finished up their meal before heading back to Seán’s apartment. When they got there, and Sam unlocked the door with the key Signe had lent them, they found the living room empty of people. 

“Wanna watch some tv? Or did you just want to head to bed?” Sam asked, looking back up at Mark over their shoulder. Mark’s smile was warm as he leaned down and gently kissed Sam, keeping his movement’s slow and purposeful. When he pulled back, Sam’s cheeks were a lovely pink color.

“I think I would love to get into our PJ’s and cuddle you in bed before we sleep... does that sound okay?” Sam just nodded and they headed back to the guest room. Mark quickly changed, pulling on sleep pants as well as a different tee-shirt. Sam was taking a little longer, so Mark came over to help. Sam ended up pulling on some shorts and a different shirt to wear to bed. As the two got comfortable under the blankets, Mark pulled Sam into his side, kissing their forehead gently as he ran his fingers through their hair in a calming manner Sam let their eyes close as they enjoyed the feeling of their hair being played with.

“Hmm... that feels good...” Mark kissed Sam’s forehead gently, continuing his slow ministrations with their hair.

“Getting sleepy?” He asked, his own voice showing how tired he actually was. He had managed to pack almost all of his stuff earlier. Sam hummed, their eyes already closed as they cuddled into him. Mark heard Sam’s breathing even out before they even realized it; he gave Sam another gentle kiss to the crown of their head before moving back to his own pillow. “Good night Sam... sweet dreams.” And he closed his eyes as well, allowing himself to drift off to sleep behind Sam.


	42. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good morning and sad thoughts

Chapter 41

*** 

Sam woke feeling safe and warm and happy. Mark was still asleep, his arm wrapped over Sam’s waist and his nose buried in Sam’s hair. Sam gave a contented sigh, pressing closer to lay kisses against Mark’s collar bones.

“Mark... sweetie... it’s time to wake up...” Mark groaned at Sam’s light voice, tilting his head a bit to give Sam more room to kiss along his throat.

“Hnnn... five more minutes babe... ‘m way too comfy to leave bed right now...” Sam chuckled and kissed up against his throat, pressing light kisses into his pulse point. Mark let out a small moan, pulling Sam up until they were laying over his chest. Sam blushed from their new spot atop Mark, pressing their face against his throat.

“Mark...” Mark hummed, his hands moving down Sam’s sides to rest on their hips and hold them there. 

“Oh don’t let me stop you... I was quite enjoying that.” Mark chuckled at Sam’s strangled groan, their nose pressing more incessantly against Mark’s neck, face heating up at his words and the feeling of his fingers sliding against their waist between their sleep shorts and shirt. 

“Mark I...” Sam trembled against Mark, but brought their lips back against his throat and began kissing along his skin, biting at his adams apple and his jaw line, causing him to gasp out and tighten his hands against Sam’s waist.

“S-Sam... oh...” Mark tilted his head back more, panting lightly as his hands slipped under Sam’s shirt and over their lower back. Sam suddenly gasped in pain when they felt Mark’s hands brush against the covered wound on their back. Mark instantly pulled his hands away, tensing up. “Oh my god I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... are you okay?” Sam dropped their head against Mark’s shoulder, nodding some.

“Yeah... sorry... just surprised me. We... should probably get out of bed though.” Mark nodded slightly, hands gingerly returning to Sam’s waist and giving them a small squeeze.

“I’m really sorry... god you probably shouldn’t be laying on me like this either... isn’t it hurting your chest?” Sam rolled to the side, moving to be laying down next to Mark, before looking up at him.

“No, pressure doesn’t bother me, it’s the pull of when I stretch. The muscles are tight so pulling them is kinda painful.” Mark nodded slightly, leaning down to press a quick kiss against Sam’s mouth, before sitting up to get dressed. He froze, half way out of bed, a frown on his face. “What’s wrong?” Sam queried, looking concerned as they sat up as well.

“I... just realized... I don’t get to fall asleep next to you tonight... I don’t get to wake up next to you tomorrow...” he sounded devastated as he said this, his shoulders slumped. Sam gave a tired smile to Mark’s back before moving to wrap their arms around his waist, resting their cheek on his shoulder blade.

“I know... it’s been two weeks and I already don’t know what I’m going to do without you... but I know you’re strong, and we’ll get through this. Okay?” Mark just nodded, not trusting his voice to answer. Sam pressed a kiss against his shoulder before scooting away. “Hey, I believe in you... and it’s not like we won’t be able to talk and skype every day for at least a little bit. I promise.” Mark nodded again before getting up, more morosely than before. Sam sighed, looking down towards their lap, a frown marring their face as they moved to slowly get changed for the day.


	43. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more breakfast

Chapter 42

*** 

The two couples had breakfast together for the last time; the affair was nearly morbid. The waves of depression coming off of Mark and Sam were almost palpable in their intensity. Seán and Signe made light conversation over coffee and toast while Sam just ended up pushing their food around their plate; their entire apatite was gone.

“Did you two have fun on your date last night?” Signe finally asked, tired of seeing the other couple dreading Mark’s impending departure. Sam didn’t even hear Signe, too lost in thought to pay any amount of attention. Mark looked up at her words and actually smiled some.

“Yeah, we had a good time. You two enjoy your night in?” Signe nodded slightly, still looking at Sam.

“Sam... can you hear me?” Signe frowned harder when Sam still didn’t respond. Mark’s eyebrows drew together in worry when Sam just continued to play with their food, head cast down.

“Sami?” Seán sounded worried as he reached across the table to hold onto Sam’s wrist. At the touch, Sam finally blinked, head popping up to look around at the other three.

“What? Sorry... I just...” their cheeks flushed as they looked away from the three sets of propping eyes. “Just stuck in my own head I guess. Did you ask me something?” Seán gave Sam’s wrist a light squeeze.

“Signe asked if ye two had a good date.” Sam flushed more, smiling some.

“Yeah... Mark was the perfect gentleman and we walked around and talked before heading out for food. I’m glad I didn’t fuck anything up considering it was my first date.” Sam’s cheeks were aflame with color, but the smile on their face showed how pleased they were. Mark’s face flushed as well as he reached out to take Sam’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Seán retracted his hand from Sam’s wrist and smiled some.

“Well I’m glad ye enjoyed yerselves. Signe and I had a good time, we just watched a movie tagether and had a quiet dinner before going to bed.” Sam looked over at their twin, raising an eyebrow and giving Seán a _look_.´ Seán’s face instantly colored as he averted his eyes, causing Sam and Mark to laugh out loud and Signe to flush slightly. Mark squeezed Sam’s hand slightly, a bright smile on his face as Sam smiled back at him; the tension in the room broke as the four finished eating their breakfast with easy chatter.


	44. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is goodbye...

Chapter 43

*** 

After breakfast Mark made sure that all of his stuff was packed before the four called an Uber and headed up to Dublin. The ride was about an hour and a half long and the first place they stopped was the airport so Mark could check his bags. After that, they headed out to walk, exploring the city and the sights while they could. Mark and Sam took as many pictures as they could together, even getting some couple-y ones so Mark could have them on his phone for his lock screen. Sam blushed when he immediately changed his phone screen to the picture of him kissing their cheek. Seán and Signe made sure to get loads of pictures of the two as well, when they weren’t paying attention, or were busy doing something; Mark stuffing his face with the food they had gotten for lunch and Sam smiling fondly as they handed him a napkin, Sam balancing themself on their arms on the banister looking out over the view – their legs hanging there and Mark standing right beside them with his arm wrapped around their waist, Mark and Sam both laughing loudly at something Seán had told them, their cheeks flushed with the effort. The new couple held hands (when Mark wasn’t pushing Sam’s wheelchair, when Seán insisted on doing it so they could do exactly that) shared kisses, and generally basic small public displays of affection; and then it was time. Mark’s flight left in half an hour. Sam could feel the weight in their heart like a physical strain, but they kept on smiling. Finally, they stood, as far as they all could go before Mark had to pass through security and to his gate, and despite the noise of the people around them, it was silent. No one spoke, knowing the moment was being savored. Finally, Mark moved and hugged Signe, then Seán.

“I’m gunna miss you guys. I’m glad I got to have this little vacation though.” Seán smiled wide as he hugged his best friend back.

“Same here, maybe next time Signe and I’ll have ta come visit you fer a while.” Mark laughed but quickly nodded.

“Yeah, totally. The new apartment is a little smaller than the house, but there’s totally enough room for you guys to crash for a while.” Signe gave Mark a quick kiss on the cheek, giving him one more hug.

“Be safe okay? Make sure you tweet or something when you get home so we know.” Mark nodded, hugging her back. 

And then he looked at Sam.

Sam was trying very hard to not cry, to not break down and beg Mark to stay. They knew, they knew he had to go home. He had to get back to Chica and Tyler and Ethan and Kathryn and get back to work and do everything he had to do. They shouldn’t be selfish. They shouldn’t be needy. They shouldn’t have tears in their eyes as they looked up at him, but there Mark stood, blurry around the edges as Sam’s eyes filled with moisture. Mark’s eyes looked slightly watery as he smiled at Sam, moving to kneel in front of them. Mark’s hands came up to cup Sam’s face, their own hands trembling in their lap.

“I’m going to miss you so much...” His voice was hoarse, a whisper between them as he leaned in to press a quick kiss against Sam’s mouth, their foreheads resting together as their eyes locked.

“I don’t know if I can do this... how can I give you up after only having you for two weeks? I don’t want you to go... I want you to stay with me...” Sam’s voice wavered as tears slipped down their face, leaning heavily against him as their hands came up to grasp his wrists, keeping Mark’s hands against Sam’s face.

“I know you can... and you’ll be so busy hanging out with Jack and Signe and your family, making new friends out here and working on YouTube and healing up. I know you can do this... and we’ll see each other soon, I promise. Not to mention we’ll talk every day, and we can video chat, and I’ll still make you make collaborations with me.” Mark had tears running down his face as well as he pressed a gentle kiss against Sam’s mouth, both just clinging to the other for a few more moments, not wanting to let go, not wanting this to be the last thing...

Seán patted Mark on the shoulder, causing the other man to pull back and look up at his green haired friend. Seán’s smile was sad, but comforting as Mark nodded slightly. He turned back to Sam, giving them another quick kiss as he wiped their tears away, before he stood and wiped his own face of tears.

“Travel safe...” Sam’s voice was quiet as they looked up at Mark, barley holding back a sob. Mark nodded, a sad smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I will be... I love you.” Sam distantly heard both Seán and Signe gasp as Mark leaned in to give Sam one more kiss.

“I love you too...” Sam whispered against his mouth as he pulled back. And with that, Mark made his final goodbye, waving to the three and heading through security. Sam watched him go for as long as they possibly could until he finally disappeared from view. As soon as Mark could no longer be seen, Sam sobbed, curling in on themself. Sam trembled, arms wrapped around their body as they leaned down into their lap, sobbing and crying. It felt like they were losing the biggest park of themself; idly it reminded Sam of when their dad died, how lost they felt, like their heart had been ripped completely out of their chest and boiled in acid. Signe came and wrapped her arm over Sam’s shoulders, hugging them and whispering soothing words; Seán knelt down in front of Sam, letting his hands move to thread through their hair to try and calm them down. They both tried to get Sam calm, and they did eventually, but not until after Sam had cried themself hoarse, their whole body feeling a heavy ache from the physical pain of this loss.

“It’ll be okay Sami, I promise. Now, let’s get you home, eh? Still a bit of a drive, and I’m sure ye want ta get some sleep in.” Sam didn’t reply, just nodding. They were starting to feel numb, not like they were about to disassociate, but like they just didn’t have the energy in them to care. Seán ended up pushing Sam all the way back outside and helping them get into the Uber they called to pick them up. The ride home was quiet, Sam only giving small, short answers when Signe or Seán tried to ask them something. The couple tried not to, letting Sam have their time to grieve. Seán did insist on Sam sitting in the middle of the back seat so the other two could both cuddle them, showing their support through gentle hands and warm shoulders. When they finally got back to Athlone, back to the apartment, Seán helped Sam load back into their wheelchair and go back up the lift.

“You doing okay?” Signe asked as soon as they were in the apartment. Sam gave a small shrug.

“I think I’ve cried myself out... I’m just kinda... numb I guess. I’m still horribly depressed, you know, but like... I’m okay?” Sam gave a heavy sigh and slumped in their seat. “I’m going tomorrow and setting up a bank account and taking my first check from YouTube and getting a phone plan so Mark and I can text and stuff... gunna pay as much into my student loans and the hospital and just...” Sam rubbed their eyes with the heel of their palm. “I’m just gunna try and get stuff done so I’m ready and keep myself busy; I’ll probably write a lot for a while and get myself way super ahead on stuff, not hard to do when I only usually updated bi-weekly... might change that, you know? Now that I have more time for stuff.” Signe smiled, giving Sam’s shoulder a squeeze, happy to hear them talk as much as they had.

“That sounds great. I can go with you to the bank if you want, my debit card is about to expire so I might as well go get a new one.” Sam nodded some more. “And we can stop and find you a phone while we’re out too.”

“Yeah...”

“Ye hungry Sami?” Seán asked, running his fingers through the back of Sam’s hair again – it had become a habit for one twin or the other to pet the other’s hair to show affection.

“No... not really... I think I’m just gunna go wait for Mark to get home... I’ll just be in the room writing and stuff until he get’s back and can message me on Skype... okay?” Sam looked back up at Seán, a small sad smile pulling at their lips. Seán nodded slightly, giving their twin a small smile back.

“I’ll make ye somethin’ later if ye get hungry, okay?” Sam nodded before moving away, wheeling back to the guest room – their room – and situating themself on the bed with their laptop in their lap. After the computer loaded, Sam made sure Skype was up and running, then checked their emails. There was one from the people at YouTube saying that Sam’s first ‘back pay check’ would be at their address tomorrow, along with a summary of what they would be getting in the coming weeks to make up for the money that they had collected and not given to Sam. Sam saved the email and went onto the rest, tossing junk mail as they went. They checked Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram, taking notice of the huge uprising in their numbers since their face reveal... but after Mark leaving... they didn’t feel anything towards the surprisingly high numbers besides curiosity. 

“Why do so many people want to follow me... man...” They cleaned up their accounts, checking YouTube as well, seeing their numbers had actually increased some more, but not as drastically as before, leaving their account only two million more than it was before. Sam idly wondered if they should talk to Felix about how suddenly they had overtaken his title as ‘most subscribed to YouTuber’ but they decided to leave it for now, not really having the energy to do so. Sam started working on some pieces, short ones, that story they had been telling Dylan and Pearl, anything to keep them busy and their mind off of how Mark wasn’t just in the other room, that he was on a plane and headed back to California, eight time zones away. There was a time when Sam heard Seán come into the room with something for them to eat and drink, leaving it on the bed side table, but Sam was in the middle of furiously typing so he didn’t say anything, just left the food and walked out. Sam kept working, and working, and finally, there was a new message from Skype. Without Sam realizing it, it had been hours since they had gone back to the bedroom, an Mark had made it home. Sam’s smile lit up their face as they saw it was a picture message; Mark looked tired, but was smiling and winking at the camera. Sam took a quick picture with their webcam and sent it back, making a heart with their hands. The screen suddenly popped up a video call and Sam grabbed their headphones before accepting. Mark’s smiling face greeted them with a sunset in the background.

“Hey gorgeous, miss me yet?” Sam gave a sardonic laugh, smiling warmly.

“Of course I do. I missed you the moment you walked away.” Mark’s smile was sad as he looked through his phone at Sam.

“Well, I made it back in one piece, just got my bags, and waiting for Tyler to come pick me up. Apparently he got stuck in some traffic, so I should be here another little while before I’m actually back home. Man, I can’t wait to see Chica and get in a bed.” Sam chuckled, their smile lightening a bit.

“Give her snuggles for me, I’m so jealous. Dog’s are the best.” Mark laughed, adjusting his phone for a moment before it focused on his face again.

“Oh I see how it is, you’re just dating me for my dog.” Sam laughed, though tried to keep it quiet – it was quite late in Ireland right now and they weren’t sure if Signe and Seán were asleep or not yet.

“Damn, you figured out my plan. Oh well, as long as there’s a dog there, I guess it all works out.” Mark covered his mouth to stifle his chuckles.

“I have to admit, the dog is the best part.” They chatted for a little bit longer, until Tyler finally showed up, actually sneaking up being Mark and startling him into almost dropping his phone.

“Damn Mark, didn’t expect you to be so jumpy.” Mark grumbled as Sam laughed on the other end. Tyler waved, smiling some. “Hey Sam, good to see you again.” Sam waved back, smiling, despite the tiredness in their whole body.

“Hey Tyler. Make sure that doof gets home and gets something to eat before he collapses into bed, okay? I know they have crappy in flight food on those damn international flights.” Tyler gave Sam a two fingered salute as he moved to grab Mark’s bags for him. Mark turned back to the phone and gave a sad smile.

“It looks like that’s my time to go... I’ll message you when I get home, but I honestly expect you to be asleep by then. I want you to lay down and take your glasses off okay? We’ll be fine, promise... I love you.” Sam’s smile softened, cheeks flushing. 

“I love you too... be safe okay?” Mark nodded before disconnecting the call. Sam moved their laptop to the side and removed their headphones and glasses. They laid down, turning on their side and keeping their laptop open to Skype to get Mark’s message, but as soon as they closed their eyes, they were out like a light. Despite this, Sam knew, deep in their heart, that everything, from now on, was going to be okay.


	45. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four Months Later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCK THIS IS ONE LONG CHAPTER
> 
> This is also the last one you guys! I can't believe this thing turned out to be 45 chapters and upwards of 76K words. Man... I guess I have no excuse for NaNoWriMo this year XD
> 
> Thank you all who have made it this far, I really appreciate every comment, every kudo, every like, every view. Just... thank you.
> 
>  
> 
> **ALSO!!! IMPORTANT!!!**
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter has gratuitous amounts of fanservice... so... be prepared for that... if you don't want to read that... probably don't read the last part of this chapter XD It's marked off with a *** divider
> 
> As for this story, I am planning on some little add-ons, things that just didn't fit in either with the plot [because it got away from me] or from someone's perspective that I didn't go into. So look forward to that!
> 
> Thank you again to QueenGeekRose for inspiring me to put myself back out there... I just... can't believe there has been any type of positive reaction to this and... no negative? Like??? I'm not used to that???
> 
> I've kept you long enough, enjoy!
> 
> And remember, a smile a day keeps the demons away.
> 
>  
> 
> **JOAT**  
> 

Epilogue

*** 

– FOUR MONTHS LATER – 

Sam had worked hard, saved money and paid off their debt, gotten their surgery, and pushed through rehab. After about a month of rehab, Sam was able to walk again without the assistance of a crutch, even if it was slower. They also moved out of Seán’s apartment.

“Are ye sure?” he had asked, frowning when Sam had told him their decision. 

“Yeah... don’t worry, I’m not going far. I talked to the apartment manager, there’s one open two units away, so I’m still here, I just want you guys to have your own space, you know? But I’m not going anywhere.” Signe smiled, hugging Sam tightly.

“If this is what you want to do, we’ll support you.” And the two helped Sam move their small amount of belongings to their new apartment. Furniture was bought and the place was decorated and both Seán and Signe could be found coming to visit sporadically, as well as Sam visiting them. But now it had been four months since Sam had come to Ireland, four months since they had met their twin brother, since they had met Signe... since they had met Mark. Sam smiled softly, thinking of their boyfriend and the surprise they had in store. Mark’s birthday was fast approaching, and Sam had been in contact with Tyler in secret to surprise Mark for his birthday. They had talked long hours about it and Tyler had agreed that he would give the excuse of going to do errands so he could pick Sam up from the airport. Sam, on the other hand, had told Mark that Seán was taking them to go visit Mally, Val, and the kids up in France for the day, so there would be periods where they couldn’t text or talk. This was one of those points right now, as Sam sat in first class, the plane making it’s final decent onto American soil. As soon as they had landed, and were allowed to turn their phones back on, Sam texted Seán, saying they had landed safe, then Tyler, saying they were docking now and what gate they would be at. Sam grabbed their bags, glad they had used the super easy disguise of a ball cap and sunglasses, along with a medical face mask, to hide their identity. As Sam walked out towards the baggage claim, they saw Tyler standing with his face buried in his phone. Sam chucked as they walked over to the taller man, there were about three or four inches between their height and Sam was super pleased that they didn’t have to look up too much to be face level.

“Hey Ty.” Sam greeted, waving with their back pack slung over one shoulder. Tyler blinked up from his phone in surprise and looked at Sam.

“Hey... wow you’re taller than I thought you would be.” Sam laughed, moving over to give the brunet a hug.

“Well you are exactly how tall I thought you would be.” Tyler laughed and smiled, hugging Sam back before moving over to help them get their bags. 

“So, Mark thinks I’m out getting snacks for tonight – he’s having a few people over and basically a small get together for his birthday. I volunteered to grab some chips and stuff and he didn’t even bat an eye. I think he was waiting for another text from you.” Sam laughed and pulled out their phone (which they had gotten with their first pay check from YouTube) and texted Mark a kissy face and a heart.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep his attention off of how long you’re taking with stuff. With the time difference he won’t ask that many questions if I’m slow with replies, it’s like ten thirty at home and I would usually be heading to bed within the next hour or so, especially since he thinks I’m staying with Mally tonight. The kids have an early bed time.” Sam gave a hum as their bag finally showed up on the conveyer belt; they grabbed it quickly and gave an indignant squawk as Tyler took it from them.

“Hey I got it, you just worry about your back pack and not looking like... well you...” Sam flushed and ducked their head, glad for their normal clothes and disguise. Tyler laughed as he lead Sam out of the building and towards the car park to where his car was. Everything was quickly loaded into the trunk and Tyler insisted Sam sit in the back. “That way,” he explained. “You can jump out and surprise him when I ask for help with the snacks. Which, by the way, I already got and are in the front seat.” Sam laughed, smiling before climbing into the back passenger seat so they could still easily talk to Tyler.

“Thanks so much for doing this for me Tyler, I really appreciate it. You told Ethan right? So it’s only Mark getting surprised? And Kathryn too right?” Tyler nodded.

“Yeah, told both of them, they should be the only people at Mark’s place, so it’ll be Mark who comes out to help with the snacks.” Sam giggled and ducked their head. When they had gotten into the car, Sam had taken their sunglasses, hat, and face mask off so they were more comfortable. While they were driving, Mark texted Sam back, sending a heart, as well as the letter U and the number 2, then immediately after, a question to call. 

“Mark’s gunna call me, okay? So I’ll tell you when I get off the phone.” Tyler gave a thumbs up and concentrated on the road. Sam pressed the call button next to Mark’s name before pressing their phone against their face. Mark picked up on the second ring.

“Hey baby, things winding down out there?” Sam hummed, smiling and leaning back against the seat.

“Hey sweetie, yeah it’s winding down. Kids wore me out though.” And Sam gave a wide yawn into the phone, making Tyler try to hide a laugh. “Been a long day, and I’ve gotta get up early in the morning, so I’m probably going to head to bed soon.” Mark gave a whine.

“Aww okay... I just thought...” he sighed into the phone. “Never mind. Don’t worry about it.” Sam grimaced, feeling bad about lying about everything, knowing they hadn’t told Mark happy birthday yet because they wanted to wait until they surprised him. 

“I’m sorry baby... I wish we could spend more time together but I’m about to pass out.” Sam could hear the smile in Mark’s voice when he replied.

“It’s okay babe, go get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later okay? I love you.” Sam’s smile softened as their voice dropped.

“I love you too Markimoo. Have a good night.” Mark chuckled.

“I’ll try. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.” Sam hung up the phone, sighing heavily. 

“I feel horrible about lying to him... but it’s to surprise him... that’s okay, right?” Tyler gave a smile back at Sam through the rearview mirror.

“Trust me, he’ll be so happy that you’re here, he won’t even care that you fibbed to him.” Sam sighed and sunk further into their seat.

“Yeah okay...” they chatted for the rest of the ride, and when they got close, Tyler told Sam. Sam shifted in their seat, sliding down to be out of view of anyone from the outside; for all intents and purposes, it looked like Tyler was driving his car back alone. Tyler parked and Sam tried really hard not to fidget in their hiding spot. They unbuckled their seat belt as soon as the car was parked, moving so they were hiding completely and ready to pounce. Tyler got out of the car, seeing Mark walk down the way towards him.

“Hey man, I got the stuff. Gunna grab the chips from the front seat, but I left some stuff in the back passenger seat. You mind grabbing it?” Tyler had grabbed the few bags of chips from the front seat and walked up the way towards the apartment. Mark sighed and walked towards the car before opening the back passenger door. As soon as the door opened, Sam jumped up.

“Surprise!” Mark, completely unsuspecting of his SO hiding in the back seat, ended up stumbling backwards until he tripped and landed on his butt in the grass. “Oh god Mark, I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Oh god I’m so sorry...” Sam dove out of the car and was instantly at Mark’s side, checking if he was okay or not. Mark, on the other hand, just started, dumbfounded, at Sam sitting there next to him.

“Sam?” his voice was weak when he finally spoke, there were tears in his eyes. Sam smiled, tears in their own eyes.

“Hey hun, happy birthday. Sorry I didn’t say anything before but really... I just wanted to surprise you... you’re not mad... are you?” Mark stared at Sam for another moment before letting out a sob, tears streaming down his face as he lunged at them, knocking them onto their back so he was over top of them, their mouths pressed together in a fast, hot kiss. Sam moaned, arching their back up against Mark as their arms wrapped around his neck, fingers finding purchase in his hair. It felt like Mark was devouring them alive, and god, it felt so good. They would have kept at it, except for the loud wolf whistle coming from up the way. Mark pulled back, breaking the kiss and looking up to find Tyler, Ethan, and Kathryn standing there with shit eating grins on their faces. Tyler’s was the biggest of all as he walked back over to grab Sam’s stuff from the trunk.

“Glad to see you like your birthday present, but I’m pretty sure we don’t need to see you completely debauch Sam on the lawn; the neighbors might start complaining again. I would get up if I were the two of you.” Sam’s face, and Mark’s, were bright red as they detangled themselves before standing. When they were both standing, helping the other brush grass and dirt from their clothes, Mark took a moment and just stared at Sam.

“You... are taller than I thought you would be.” Sam blinked at his soft words before bursting out in laughter.

“Oh my god, that’s exactly what Tyler said to me when he saw me at the airport!” Sam held their stomach, continuing to giggle incessantly as Mark started to chuckle along as well. Sam eventually calmed down enough to stand straight again. When they looked back to Mark, their smile was soft. “Nice to see this in person at last…” Sam reached up and flicked some of Mark’s hair away from his face; he had dyed it back to its natural color sometime after he had gotten home. Mark smiled, instantly wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist and pulling them in close for another slow, deep kiss. Less heat, but more yearning. 

“I’ve missed you so much… best birthday present ever…” Mark commented when he pulled back, his forehead leaned against Sam – there was only about an inch difference between them with Sam being the shorter one. 

“I’ve missed you too sweetheart… you really need to thank Tyler, he helped me plan this whole thing with flights and picking me up and everything… he helped me come back to you. And I’m here for a whole two weeks before I’ve got to head home…” Mark gave a small, sad smile at that. 

“What if I want to keep you forever?” He asked in a whisper. Sam’s smile was just as morose as Mark’s. 

“Some day baby, but right now I still have physical therapy, as well as my therapist, and you know I need that right now… but some day for sure… you can’t get rid of me now.” Sam leaned up and kissed Mark quickly, just a little peck on the mouth. Mark smiled back, giving Sam one more kiss before pulling back, his arm still wrapped around their waist. 

“Well how about we go inside and enjoy my birthday. I can introduce you to some friends, okay?” Sam nodded, squeezing Mark back as they leaned into his side and headed into the apartment. 

–––

Sam ended up meeting way more people than they thought they would. First, obviously, was hugs from Ethan and Kathryn, who then introduced Sam to her girlfriend Amy. The sunny blonde with warm brown eyes had a near melt down when she find out it was _actually SIC-FUCKING-RHYMES_ she was meeting and Sam blushed like a tomato. 

“Please, really, you don’t have to freak out, I mean I get it, but please. I’m nothing special.” Sam then proceeded to get an earful from the entire group about how wrong they were about that statement. Sam’s blush didn’t seem to diminish as the night went on and more people showed up. Sam had quite a few of their own freak outs after getting to meet people like MatPat and his wife Steph from GameTheory, Arin, Suzy, and Danny from GameGrumps, Nate of NateWantsToBattle, Matt and Ryan from Kids With Problems, the guys from Team Edge and so many more. As the night wound down, Sam found themself sitting out of the way, Chica curled up in their lap, as they stroked her golden fur. If anyone even tried to come close to Sam (that wasn’t Mark) Chica would growl at them until they went away. 

“Hey babe, looks like Chica adopted you.” Mark commented as he walked over, the dog quickly squirming until she was getting pets from both humans. Sam laughed some, stretching their legs out from under Chica. 

“Yeah… I think she could tell I was getting anxious and panicky and just pulled me away to calm me down.” Mark looked at Sam in concern. 

“You could have told me…” Sam gave a small forced smiled. 

“Sorry sweetie… too many people too close by… voice locked out on me… it got better when Chica basically forced me onto the couch so I could pet her and she could watch over me.” Mark gave Chica some extra tummy rubs, digging his fingers into her fur. 

“Whose a good girl? My Chica-Bica-Bica is a good girl, yes she is.” He bent over to press kisses into Chica’s fur, causing Sam to giggle at the display. 

“You two are so fucking adorable. It’s so sweet, I think I’ve gotten diabetes.” Mark chuckled at that before leaning up and kissing Sam slowly. Sam hummed into the kiss, keeping one hand threaded through Chica’s fur, the other moving to thread through Mark’s hair. The kiss lasted for several moments, one of Mark’s hands finding purchase against the side of Sam’s jaw to help steer their heads in the right angle, before it broke apart and they leaned their foreheads against each other. 

“I’ve missed you so fucking much… phone calls and texts and Skype are all well and good, but it doesn’t change getting to hold you in my arms.” Sam flushed warmly, smiling and leaning in for another quick kiss. 

“I’ve missed you too, so, so, _so much _. It’s been really hard being away from you, and Signe and Seán have commented how cuddly I’ve been since you’re not there… I only had you for two weeks but they were literally the best two weeks of my life… and now I get to have at least two more, and maybe more…” Mark chuckled and cut Sam off with another kiss.__

____

____

“You’ve got me forever… if you’ll have me…” Sam flushed.

“Mark… you’re not…” Mark blinked, face going bright red when he realized his words. 

__“Not yet… I mean… some day… but I just… I want to promise that to you…” Sam nodded and gave him one more kiss._ _

__“It’s a promise… now go entertain your guests… I’ll be here with Chica, she’s obviously the reason I came.” Mark laughed, standing and ruffling Sam’s hair as well as petting Chica again before giving Sam a quick kiss on the forehead and heading back into the fray._ _

__–––_ _

__The party eventually wore down and Mark saw out all his guests, promising to keep in better contact with some, or that he would see them soon to others. As soon as everyone was gone, he sought out Sam. He eventually found his SO sitting in his bedroom, on the floor, playing with Chica and making voices at her. Mark smiled warmly as he watched his love imitate countless voices, until finally rolling around to his. Chica looked confused as she looked around for Mark, until she barked an bounded from her doggie bed at him. Sam flushed cutely at being caught, a small smile on their face as they ducked their head._ _

__“Sorry… didn’t mean for you to see that…” Sam gave a small laugh, keeping their eyes averted. Mark pet Chica for a moment before pulling her out of the room; Sam watched in confusion until they heard Mark filling Chica’s kibble bowl and the water running, signifying filling her water dish as well. Sam managed to stand before Mark got back but they couldn’t stop from fidgeting anxiously. When Mark walked back in the room he looked Sam up and down, a warm smile on his face._ _

__“Now… I’ve finally got you all to myself…” and he slowly closed the door behind him._ _

__***_ _

__Sam’s heartbeat quickened as their boyfriend walked over to them, keeping his paces deliberate and slow._ _

__“You know I’m not going to hurt you… I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.” Mark’s voice was deeper, with more of a growl to it, but there was a promise there. Sam nodded._ _

__“I know… and I want…” Sam paused, swallowing the lump in their throat before they could look directly at Mark. “I want everything… just… go slow with me please? I don’t know if I’ll get overwhelmed…” Mark gave a throaty hum before finally coming up, directly in front of Sam. Slowly, he raised his hand to cup Sam’s cheek and make them look up at him fully. Sam’s eyes were full of love and trust as they leaned into Mark’s hand, pressing up against him. Mark hummed again as he pulled Sam in for a kiss, starting slow, his hands moving to have one cup the back of Sam’s neck, the other going down to their hip to pull them close. Sam gave a gasp into the kiss at feeling Mark press against them; they could feel his hardness pressing into their hip as their hands moved to his shirt to fist the fabric, tethering themself to reality with the touch. Mark took advantage of Sam’s gasp, sliding his tongue into their mouth as he slowly started to guide Sam backwards towards the bed, keeping both hands on them at all times. When Sam’s knees hit the bed they fell, letting out an ‘oomph’ as they landed on the bed with a bounce. Mark gave a low moan, standing above Sam, his eyes full of lust._ _

__“God you are so gorgeous… I cannot wait to see every part of you…” Sam flushed deeply, their jeans were sitting low on their hips and their shirt had lifted up over their stomach, showing off a few inches of pale white skin. Mark placed a knee on the bed, leaning down so he was hovering over Sam. Sam, on the other hand, was feeling very warm, and slightly shy._ _

_‘Stop it, Mark has already seen you with your top off, he’s seen you in your briefs, he’s seen your scars… there’s nothing else to hide from him…’_ Sam was trying to convince themself of this as they closed their eyes, head tilted back to give Mark more room as he began to kiss down their throat, his hands roaming all over Sam’s body. “M-Mark!” Sam gasped out as he bit into their throat, sending a shock wave through their entire body. 

__“Too much?” He asked, thought he kept up his ministrations, hands deftly sliding under Sam’s shirt to hike it up, needing to touch more and more of their skin._ _

__“No… I’m fine… just… ah!” Sam’s back arched off the bed as Mark bit their throat again; they trembled under his touch, body feeling like a live wire. “G-good!” They gasped out, unconsciously pressing their hips up against Mark’s. Mark growled, deep in his chest as he moved to pull Sam’s shirt from their frame, quickly shedding his own as well. He gave a low moan when he laid back down, their skin pressing against the other as Mark captured Sam’s mouth in a filthy kiss._ _

__Sam’s head was spinning, their hands changing from grasping at Mark to grasping at the bedsheets. How… how could they feel this good? Sam had never really tried anything adventurous sexually, especially considering they had never had a partner before, but they had touched themself a few times for curiosity sake; it had never felt like this. It had never been like a current of electricity running through their body, stimulating their muscles and making them feel like Mark was making them feel right now. Sam could feel a fire burning and building deep inside of them that they had never experienced before, centered in their lower stomach._ _

__“Mark…” Sam gasped out as soon as the kiss was broken, their back arching and hips canting up into Mark’s. Mark’s mouth slid down Sam’s body, leaving marks in his wake as he moved to be kneeling on the floor between Sam’s thighs._ _

__“Just tell me if it’s too much, or if it’s too fast, and I’ll stop, okay?” Mark punctuated his question with little kisses along Sam’s hips, his hands moving to squeeze their thighs. Sam brought a hand to their mouth, biting their thumb and nodding mutely. They knew if they they opened their mouth all that would come out were moans. Mark took the nod as his approval as he slowly started stripping Sam of their jeans, popping the button and pulling down the fly. They were fairly skinny jeans so he slowly worked them down Sam’s legs as his mouth followed, tracing how breath and electric kisses along and over Sam’s scars. Scar tissue, as Sam had told Mark all those months ago, was the most sensitive type of skin, and feeling the scratch of his beard, the wetness of his tongue and lips, feeling his teeth drag along their skin, Mark hadn’t even touched Sam between their legs and they were already so tightly strung, ready to snap at any second._ _

__“Ah!” Sam gasped out involuntarily as Mark pressed his face against the large scar along the inside of Sam’s left thigh. Their whole body was trembling as they bit harder into their thumb to try and stifle the noise. Mark finally noticed where Sam’s hands were and reached up to pull them away from their mouth._ _

__“Nu-uh. I want to hear those beautiful sounds, don’t hide from me love…” Sam whimpered but nodded, looking down the length of the body to see Mark knelt between their thighs. This was never something Sam thought would happen; part of them believed this was just some messed up dream and they would wake up any second with her breathing down their throat to clean this, cook that, do this chore… Sam wanted desperately to believe this was real._ _

__“Mark… please… please I…” Sam couldn’t finish their sentence, not even knowing what they wanted. Mark made a shushing sound as he continued to kiss along the inside of Sam’s thighs, bringing his hands up to tug at the elastic of Sam’s briefs._ _

__“Shh, I’ve got you… you just lay there and enjoy, okay?” He placed a gentle kiss over one of Sam’s scars, causing them to tremble more. Sam nodded slowly, hands moving back to fist the bed sheets._ _

__“I trust you…” Sam’s voice was deeper, more primal as they looked down at Mark, watching as he slowly pulled Sam’s briefs down, over their scars, their mistakes, and down more until Sam laid there, completely nude. Sam had never really had much body modesty, except for their scars, and Mark had already seen those. But now? Sam was bare, completely, to Mark. Not even counting their actual physical body; they were bared emotionally, spiritually, as well as physically. They didn’t even know what was going to happen next, but they knew they trusted Mark with their life… and he wouldn’t do anything Sam didn’t like._ _

__Mark’s eyes were dilated as he looked over Sam, getting to see them fully for the first time. It was breath taking. “God you’re so perfect…” he didn’t even intend to speak those words, floating through the room on a whisper, but they were out there now. Sam flushed hotly at his words, their complexion warming from their ears all the way down their neck, and every inch of their face. Mark’s smile only widened as he took his place back between Sam’s legs, hands caressing their thighs, tracing their scars with his fingers. He started at the inside of Sam’s knee, kissing and biting and sucking his way up, slowly, until he reached Sam’s hip. He then repeated the actions on the other leg, leaving behind beard burn and newly forming hickeys on both thighs. Using his hands to keep Sam’s thighs apart, mark pressed delicate kisses into their hip bones, loving the way Sam’s stomach would spasm at the contact. He pressed one more kiss against Sam’s stomach before using his hands to pull Sam’s legs apart as far as they would go; and then he moved down._ _

__Sam shook, back arching and letting out a scream as they felt Mark’s mouth, his tongue, sliding along their opening. Sam had never expected this to happen, or for it to feel this fucking amazing. They couldn’t stop themself from instantly reaching down, fingers sliding through Mark’s hair as they canted their hips up towards his face. A steady stream of moans, and ‘oh’s and ‘Mark’s flowed easily from Sam’s mouth as they chased that release they knew their body was aiming for. So close… _so close… just a little…bit…_ Sam screamed, their back arching fully from the bed and their grip slightly tightening in Mark’s hair as they felt him growl into their clit and slide his fingers inside of them. Sam came, hard, their juices gushing down their legs and all over Mark’s mouth and chin as he drank them up. Mark moaned, lapping up Sam’s cum as he held their thighs tight, not letting them clench closed around his head like he could feel them trying to do. He took his time, cleaning Sam, making sure to drink every drop. _ _

__“Enjoy that sweetheart?” Mark’s voice was hoarse as he spoke, causing Sam to shiver since his mouth was still so close to their skin, so close to their most sensitive parts. A low groan reverberated deep in Sam’s chest, their head laid back against the bed as they tried to catch their breath as they came down from their high._ _

__“Holy… fucking… fuck.” Sam panted out, eyes slowly opening as they looked down at Mark; he was still kneeling between Sam’s thighs, his cheek resting against Sam’s left knee. “Ehhhh…” Sam whined, making grabby hands at Mark to get him up on the bed as well. He chuckled, the deep sound sending a thrill down Sam’s back as the half-Korean stood; still wearing his jeans and very obviously sporting a hard on, Mark moved up the bed to be laying next to Sam. He wrapped his arms around his SO, pulling Sam against his chest as he moved to kiss them, deep and slow, with a burning passion as he pressed his erection against Sam’s hip._ _

__“I’m guessing you enjoyed that…” he murmured out when the kiss broke, leaving both slightly breathless. Sam just nodded slightly, moving to nuzzle into Mark’s neck, cuddling him._ _

__“I love you… so fucking much… but you are wearing too many clothes… and I’m pretty sure you’re about to explode if you don’t get a move on…” Sam looked up at Mark through their bangs. “Don’t worry, if things get too much, I’ll tell you, I promise.” Mark gave a small, slow nod before he leaned down and kissed Sam. It was filled with passion, little nips here and there, tongue and teeth and lips and Sam could feel the fire in their belly starting to build again, despite how sensitive they felt. Sam felt Mark moving, but his hands weren’t touching them, but removing his own jeans and boxers as he went, sliding them down his thighs and kicking them off the bed._ _

__“God I love you so much... you’re so fucking perfect...” his voice was a grumble as he broke the kiss, pressing more rough kisses along Sam’s cheeks and jaw and nose and throat, roughly rubbing his beard along their skin as he continued to mark Sam’s skin with his teeth and lips. Sam was letting out a constant stream of moans and gasps as their hands moved to roam over Mark’s body, craning through his hair, rubbing down his neck and over his shoulders. Mark grinned as he heard Sam give out an extra loud moan; his teath finding purchase against their pulse point._ _

__“Mark... please... baby... don’t make... d-don’t make me wait...” Sam looked down their body at Mark, he had moved down to the scars on Sam’s chest and was nipping along the sensitive skin. A deep chuckle emanated from Mark’s chest as he pulled back, leaning up to give Sam another quick kiss._ _

__“Move up on the bed correctly, and I’ll get the supplies, okay?” Sam nodded, looking dazedly up at Mark as he stood to head into his on-suite bathroom. Sam crawled up so their head was on the pillows and watched Mark walk out of the room... _damn that ass is grass.__ _

__“Hurry up lover boy... I might start without you...” Sam’s hands slid over their stomach, petting at their hips and getting fairly close to between their legs. Sam could hear Mark growling as he came back out from the bathroom; there was a tube, of what Sam assumed was lube, in one hand, and a box of condoms in the other. Sam took the opportunity of Mark walking across the room to blatantly ogle him, their eyes roaming every inch of his body. Sure, there were a few scars here and there, mostly on his stomach from the surgeries he had had, but the man was very low on body fat, and fairly moderate on muscle mass. Sam knew Mark wasn’t a very tall man, but he was stacked and it boiled their blood. As their eyes traveled lower, Sam finally saw Mark in his full naked glory, his erection hard, pressed up against his lower abdomen and already leaking precum. Sam moaned, biting their lip as their eyes darkened, looking up to Mark’s face, the desire there was palpable as Mark stalked to the bed. He tossed the box and tube to the bed before moving, climbing up from the bottom, until his whole body was flushed over Sam’s. When he pressed down, his erection pressing into Sam’s thigh, they both groaned, their hips moving together._ _

__“Fuck... Sam... god... I don’t think I’m gunna last too long...” he was already making a mess of Sam’s thigh, precum liberally leaking from his shaft._ _

__“Don’t... oh god... don’t care... just... please...” Sam’s voice was a heady whisper as their hands moved to his shoulders, gripping him tightly as they pulled Mark down into a heated kiss. Mark groaned, easily slipping his tongue into Sam’s mouth to wrestle with theirs. Sam’s legs fell open as Mark slipped between them easily._ _

__“Fuck, I don’t think I even need any lube... you’re so wet already...” Mark had moved a hand between Sam’s thighs and was fingering their opening, his fingers easily sliding against Sam’s lips and inside of them. Sam moaned, hips bucking to chase the feeling._ _

__“Please, please, please, please...” the words flowed like a mantra out of Sam’s mouth, their fingers digging inti the skin of Mark’s back as they clung to him. Mark hummed, his mouth moving back to Sam’s throat and shoulder, biting and sucking their skin as he went._ _

__“I’ve got you baby, give me a second...” Mark reached over with his free hand to pop open the box of condoms, grabbing one from inside and tearing the wrapping with his teeth. He quickly slipped the condom, still fingering Sam as he went, making sure they were stretched. “Fuck you’re so wet... god I cannot wait to be inside of you._ _

__“Mark... Mark please... don’t make... please... Mark...” and he crooked his fingers and Sam screamed, their back arching off the bed again as they came again from just his fingers. “Mark, fuck!” Mark hummed, pressing another kiss against the center of Sam’s chest. He pulled his fingers out, whipping them off on the bed sheets before laying completely between Sam’s legs and pressing his erection against their entrance. He teased his cock head against their clit, slowly moving his shaft down to tease their opening as well._ _

__“You want it baby? You want me inside of you?” Sam was panting heavily now, just trying to catch their breath from the second world shattering orgasm they had just had. Sam moaned, low, deep in their chest, as they looked with half lidded eyes up at Mark._ _

__“Please... love... need you...” Sam was trembling, but they wanted this. They wanted that connection with Mark, they wanted to make him feel good as well. Mark slid his hands down Sam’s legs to better angel himself as he slowly started to press into Sam. Sam gasped, loudly, the feeling of being stretched like this was not what they had been expecting. _‘It’s so much hotter than I though... fuck he’s so much bigger than I thought... this is nothing like his fingers... but fuck it hurts so good...’_ Sam’s moans were a constant now, their fingernails leaving crescent shaped indents in Mark’s shoulders as they gripped onto him as hard as they could, needing to keep themself tethered to reality. Sam’s gasp when Mark pressed completely into them was loud, their body arching off the bed and trembling._ _

__“I’ve got you...” Mark whispered, leaning down over Sam to press kisses into their shoulders and throat, before moving up to kiss them full on the mouth. Mark stayed there, buried inside Sam, waiting for them to give him permission. After a few moments, Sam’s hips bucked slightly, and Mark began to pull out. They kissed, tongues battling with one another, Sam’s hands moving to tangle in Mark’s hair as Mark’s caressed every inch of Sam’s skin, all the while Mark began to slowly, gently thrust. Sam broke the kiss when they felt something even _more_ amazing than they had before, moaning out loud._ _

__“Mark! Oh... oh fuck there! R-right there!” Mark smirked before starting to pick up speed, angling his thrusts to aim for that same spot inside of Sam, wanting them to feel the most pleasure they could. Mark groaned, biting at Sam’s throat as they continued to moan and pant out their breath._ _

__“That’s it baby... fuck you’re so tight... god I love you so much, been dreaming about this, about making you feel this good, about having you moan and scream out my name. Been wanting it for so much longer than I’ve let myself think about it... oh fuck how are you getting tighter? God... this rate I won’t be able to hold on much longer... you’re gunna make me cum baby...” and true to his word, Mark’s thrusts were getting sloppy, faster, as Sam continued to cling onto him, their whole body shaking._ _

__“Please... please Mark... please... need you... please... have to... need to cum... please make me cum... please I...” Sam sobbed out, there were tears in their eyes as they looked at Mark, their whole body was ready to explode, so close to that precipice but needing that last little push. Mark growled and leaned down, his lips finding Sam’s throat and sinking his teeth into their skin. At the exact same moment, he pressed his hips, just right, into that spot inside Sam that made fireworks go off behind their eyes. Sam couldn’t take it, they came again, body tightening up as their walls closed around Mark. He groaned, his cock felt like it was in a vacuum, god it felt so fucking good. He gave another few thrusts before he was cumming himself, spilling his seed inside the condom. Sam whimpered at the new feeling, their body collapsing against the bed. Everything was sensitive, everything felt like a bolt of electricity was running through their frame. Mark took a moment before slowly pulling out of Sam. He pulled off the condom carefully, tying it off before tossing it in the waste basket on the other side of the bed side table._ _

__“You just lay here and look gorgeous, I’m gunna go grab a wash cloth to get us cleaned up, okay?” Sam could only nod slightly at his words, their entire body was reduced to feeling right now. As Mark walked back to the bathroom, Sam still couldn’t help but trail their eyes after him, taking in every inch of his perfect physique. Mark returned moments later with a warm wash cloth, he smiled sweetly down at his SO before moving it to start gently cleaning Sam up. “You did amazing... I hope you like everything...” his voice was soft as he concentrated on what he was doing. Sam hummed slightly, moving a hand up to Mark’s arm and squeezing it gently to get his attention._ _

__“Every second... just like I love you every second... I hope you enjoyed your birthday present...” Mark flushed, smiling more as he leaned down to kiss Sam._ _

__“Always... I want it every year for the rest of forever.” He tossed the wash cloth aside to deal with later before crawling into bed next to Sam. They curled up together, legs tangled and arms around each other’s bodies._ _

__“I think...” Sam’s voice was soft, lips resting gently against Mark’s in a semblance of a kiss as they both began to drift to asleep. “I can do forever...” and their eyes closed, and they both drifted off, holding the person they loved._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Well here I am with a new story... putting myself out there, I hope you like it. 
> 
> Updates will be every Friday (bar issues)
> 
> HAS NOT BEEN BETA READ (except by myself like 30 times before posting - anything missed is my fault)
> 
> Dedicated to QueenGeekRose who encouraged me to put myself and my writing back out there. For Fansimal and Feistymuffin who have such wonderful works it inspired me to get better at my writing. Thank you. 
> 
> Please remember to comment or leave kudos so I know you were here!
> 
> Remember, a smile a day keeps the demons away. 
> 
> JOAT


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